(I am overweight. Our office recently moved and clients are coming by to see the new office. I’m giving one such tour and we get to the kitchen.)

Me: “And here’s the kitchen.”

Client: “Oh! Is this your office?”

Me: “No. That’s the kitchen.”

(It turns out, she had seen me cut through there to a different part of the office earlier and assumed that it was my office without really looking or listening to what I said. She was rather embarrassed at having insinuated that the kitchen was the office of the biggest guy there. We had a good laugh about it.)

(I work as a cashier at a discount store. I’ve only been there for a few months and it’s the first job I’ve ever had, so I tend to be nervous when transactions don’t go smoothly. However, my more experienced coworkers have taught me a lot, and I always have help nearby, so that calms me a little. Until this instance, I’ve never had a customer yell at me.)

Customer: “I want to buy this dress. Why does one have a lower price than the other?”

(She has two of the exact same dress, but one has a clearance sticker. I ring it and immediately see the problem. The clearance sticker has been placed on the wrong dress. The dress she wants is $59.99, but the correct dress has been marked down to $29.99. This happens from time to time and is annoying, but most customers understand and just put the item back if they don’t want to pay the real price. Not this customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this dress isn’t on clearance. This sticker has been misplaced. It’s for a different dress.”

Customer: *now angry* “Well, why does it have the sticker?”

Me: “That’s not something I handle, so I wouldn’t know.”

Customer: “But you have to honor that price! It’s supposed to be on sale!”

(I realize this will go nowhere and ask my manager for help. I explain the problem, and he repeats what I have said.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I can give you a 10% discount on the dress you want, but I cannot mark it down to that price. It’s incorrect. We’re sorry, but we can’t do anything else.”

Customer: “But you have to honor it! You have to sell it for that price!”

Manager: “I can’t mark it down just because the sticker was misplaced. I’m sorry about the mistake, but a 10% discount is all I can do for you if you still want the dress.”

(She refuses his offer and proceeds to yell at both of us for the next five minutes. In the end, she leaves the dresses behind and says she is going to complain to our higher-ups. Later, I vent my frustration about the situation to our loss prevention worker, whose words I always take to heart because she saved me from getting into trouble once.)

Loss Prevention Worker: “It happens. I know it’s not fun to get yelled at, but it’s best to put it behind you. You saw it was incorrect, and you refused to sell it for a wrong price. Would you rather be yelled at, or you and your CSS get written up for the loss? Don’t worry about it. You’re learning well.”

(The second she said that, I was suddenly proud. I know retail is far from the most important work, but this being my first job, hearing I did right means a lot.)

(At least once a week, a customer will call us, irate, telling us they have rented multiple movies and returned them, but now they are getting automated phone calls telling them that one of the movies hasn’t been returned. The vast majority of the calls go exactly like this:)

Customer: “I returned all my movies. You all made a mistake!”

Me: “That’s possible. Let me pull up your account. Is the movie they’re saying you didn’t return [Movie]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, it’s showing that it’s still checked out. Let me check a few places for you. I’m going to put you on hold, okay?”

(I check the shelf for the exact copy of the movie that is missing, as well as the drop box. We literally have a laundry basket holding the movies, so often titles will get missed between the wall and the basket. I also often check the movies waiting to be sorted/returned to the shelf.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve checked all over the place. I’m not finding it here in the store. Is there any chance it could have been missed on accident?”

Customer: “NO! I returned all my movies at once.”

Me: “I understand, sir. Please do me a huge favor, though. Check two places for me: next to your DVD player, and in your car. A lot of times, movies fall down cracks, either behind entertainment centers or in seat cushions. Call me back if you don’t find it, okay?”

Customer: “I won’t find it, because I returned it!”

(The movie would usually be in the drop box within the hour. A few brave souls actually walked it inside and apologized!)

(As a receptionist for a local government office, I get a wide variety of people in. I do my best to treat them all with respect, though sometimes it’s not easy. A man comes in who wants to know about funding for local buses. I show him the information, and he notices the funding is separate for regular school buses and for those that transport kids with special physical needs.)

Customer: “Uh… Ah, yes, those buses are for underprivileged kids.”

Me: “Yes, well, they’re for kids, like in wheelchairs. They need ramps and stuff like that.”

Customer: * gives me the most withering, pitying look I’ve ever received* “That’s what ‘underprivileged’ means, dear.”

(I didn’t have the heart to correct him. He was so sure.)

(When I am teaching fourth grade, my students do a project where they make little cutouts of various US presidents. The next day, one of my students comes to me in tears, saying that on the bus home, an older kid grabbed her president and tore it up. I confront the kid the next day.)

Me: “Did you tear up my student’s president?”

Kid: “No! Someone else did!”

Me: “She says it was you.”

Kid: “No! All I did was tear off the head and legs!”

(I gave the girl the sample president as a replacement. Poor kid traded James Madison for Jimmy Carter.)