Getting The Last (Name) Word

, , , , | Working | May 10, 2018

(My last name is also a first name. We’ll pretend it’s Jane McKenzie.)

Me: “I’m here to pick up my new glasses.”

Assistant: “Okay, what’s the last name?”

Me: “McKenzie.”

Assistant: *rolls eyes with exasperated sigh* “I said, I need your last name. So, that’s McKenzie what?”

Me: *sighs* “Yes, and I heard you. My last name is McKenzie. My first name is Jane.”

Assistant: “Your last name is a woman’s first name.”

Me: “My maiden name was always getting mangled in spelling and pronunciation, so I was happy to change it to a last name that was much easier to spell and pronounce when I got married.”

Assistant: “You should change it again.”

Me: “No, I don’t think so.” *rubs temples* “Are my glasses ready or not?”

Assistant: *with heavy emphasis on my last name* “Yes, Mrs. McKenzie, they are ready.”

(After I got my glasses, I made sure to complain to the optometrist about his assistant’s behavior and insistence that I change my last name, and have never gone back to that clinic.)

Finally Said It

, , , , , | Right | May 9, 2018

(The store is jam-packed, and the systems and registers have been crashing. I get a customer who has been to the [Competitor] a couple stores down. Unfortunately, they are liquidating. A customer comes up to my register and I begin checking her out.)

Me: “Hi, did you find everything all right?”

Customer: “I have, thank you. Rather pleasant in here. [Competitor] was a cluster-f***, though.”

Me: “Uh-oh.”

Customer: “Yeah. Since they announced they’re closing, everyone and anyone mobbed the place. Worse than Black Friday.”

Me: “And I thought we were bad today. We had several crashes, and the line has been long.”

Customer: “You think that’s bad? [Competitor] has signs that say, ‘All Sales Final.’ When I get in line, the idiot in front of me is arguing with the cashier about not being able to return an item. And you would think this idiot knew how to read?! Holy s***, no! Hell, they even brought up the manager and tried explaining to him that he can’t do anything.”

Me: *laughing hysterically* “Wow! That is bad. You win.”

(I cashed her out and then worked out a return for the next customer. Thankfully, my store will still exist at the end of the month!)

A Very Testing Environment

, , , | Friendly | May 9, 2018

(I’m rushing through the college center to try to make it to a class. I’m also holding a scantron test sheet. Today the center is filled with canvassers. One stops me in front of the classroom.)

Canvasser: “Do you have time to talk about our environment?”

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m late for a class.”

Canvasser: “Since you’re already late, why don’t you give me ten minutes of your time?”

(At this point I just walked off, repeating that I had to leave. I get that canvassing can be frustrating when people brush you off, but don’t insist that they owe you any of their time, especially if it looks like they’re rushing off to take a test.)

Two For One For Life

, , | Right | May 9, 2018

(I work in a very well-known national opticians chain. They have run a two-for-one on glasses continuously since 1990. It’s a weekend, and although I do look reasonably young, the customer is only three years older than I am. As I’m helping her look for glasses after a sight test, the following occurs.)

Customer: “What offers do you have on the glasses?”

Me: “Well, anything that’s £69 or more is two-for-one, and we also have offers if you want to buy just one pair, which—”

Customer: “I don’t really want glasses today; will the two-for-one still be running next week?”

Me: “Yes, it will.”

Customer: “And what about next month?”

Me: “Yeah, it’ll still be on.”

Customer: “You can’t know that! How would you know that? You’re just staff working on a weekend!”

Me: “Ma’am, the two-for-one promotion has been running since before I started working here. It’s been running since before I was born.” *looks at record* “It’s been running since before you were born.”

Customer: “But that doesn’t mean it’ll still be running next week!”

Me: “This promotion has been running for 25 years. They’re not going to stop it anytime soon.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you; get a manager!”

(No, she didn’t believe the manager, either.)

Will Not Be A Party To Your Bachelors

, , , | Right | May 9, 2018

(I work audit at a well-known hotel chain. We usually mostly have business travelers, but during the summer we get various other guests, too. On this particular night, I have a bachelor party on the third floor. They’re down the hall from one of our business travelers, and they haven’t been particularly noisy that I’ve heard. Most of the louder people in the group have stayed in the lobby. A few minutes later, I get a phone call.)

Me: “Front Desk, this is [My Name].”

Guest: “THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE! IT’S LIKE A HERD OF ELEPHANTS IN THE STAIRWELL! I JUST GOT IN FROM ENGLAND; I NEED MY SLEEP! WHAT IS GOING ON? WHY IS THERE SO MUCH NOISE?!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, I know a larger group did just come in, but some of them are still in the lobby, and the rest were quiet when they went upstairs—”

Guest: “THEY WERE NOT QUIET! I COULD HEAR THEM ALL THE WAY UP THE STAIRS AND DOWN THE HALL. YOU HAVE TO MAKE THEM BE QUIET, NOW!”

Me: *flustered* “I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize they were being so loud. Usually if a bachelor party is loud in the lobby, I’ll warn them before—”

Guest: “BACHELOR PARTY?! YOU LET A BACHELOR PARTY STAY AT A [BRAND]?!”

Me: “Well, yes, sir, we can’t really discriminate based on type of—”

Guest: “THIS IS COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE. I’M A [HIGHEST TIER REWARDS MEMBER], AND I WON’T STAY HERE AT ALL IF [BRAND] LETS BACHELOR PARTIES STAY HERE, TOO. I’M TRYING TO SLEEP! I JUST GOT IN FROM ENGLAND!”

Me: “Let me run up and see what’s going on. If they’re still making noise in a few minutes, let me know.”

(I run upstairs and knock on both rooms with the bachelor party and let them know there’s a guest in a nearby room who has complained about them. As it turns out, he also yelled at them as they came up the stairs. Both rooms promise to be quiet, and I wait a little way down the hall to make sure. They aren’t being overly loud, just talking in normal voices, which is audible from right outside the door, but not down the hall. A few minutes later, my phone rings again.)

Me: “Front Desk, this is [My Name].”

Guest: “YOU SAID YOU WOULD MAKE THEM BE QUIET. WELL, THEY AREN’T QUIET. I’M A [HIGHEST TIER REWARD MEMBER]! I JUST GOT IN FROM ENGLAND! I NEED MY SLEEP! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD LET A BACHELOR PARTY STAY AT A [BRAND]! *continues to rant at me about how unacceptable this is*

Me: “Yes, sir, I agree that it’s unacceptable for other guests to be making noise, but when I left they were quiet. I can go up and talk to them again, though?”

Guest: “YOU SHOULD KICK THEM OUT. I’M A [HIGHEST LEVEL REWARD MEMBER]!”

(I go upstairs again and talk to the rooms, and we mutually work out that the people who want to stay up and talk longer will hang around outside the hotel, since some of them want to smoke, too, and that they will be extra careful coming back in. I then go back down to see if I can comp the night for the complaining guest for the inconvenience. I see that he’s already been here for five days, and hasn’t just gotten in from England, like he loudly insisted to me. In the end, I leave a note for a manager to see if he’d prefer a comped night or more reward points. I find out the next day that he demanded to see me in the morning and was furious when he was told I wasn’t there.)

Me: “What did he want to do, yell at me some more?”

Supervisor: “Probably. Maybe don’t tell people when we have bachelor parties in house anymore?”

Me: “I guess not.”

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