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On The Importance Of Appropriate Segue-ways

, , | Right | April 21, 2009

(Note: I look a little young for my age, but not by that much.)

Customer: “I’m looking for someone who can help me find a book.”

Me: “I can help you. What are you looking for?”

Customer: “What? You can’t possibly work here. You look like you’re about twelve.”

Me: “Actually, I’m twenty. What can I help you find?”

Customer: “You’re lying to me. Where’s your manager? I can’t believe he has little kids working.”

Me: “I can assure you, I’m twenty.”

Customer: “Let me see your ID, then.”

Me: “What?”

(She then turns to my boyfriend, who has come in to visit me.)

Customer: “Are you her boyfriend?”

My Boyfriend: “Yes…”

Customer: “How can you date someone who looks like that?”

My boyfriend: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “That’s disgusting. I think you’re a pervert!”

(The customer then turns back to me, and without skipping a beat asks…)

Customer: “Where are the romance novels?”

Great Benefits: Medical, 401k & A Crystal Ball

, , , , , , | Right | April 16, 2009

Customer: “Which books would you recommend for a pre-teen girl?”

Me: “Well, that depends; does she like fantasy, horror, science fiction?”

Customer: “Whichever you recommend.”

Me: “I’m partial to fantasy myself.”

(I show her several series that I had read myself and enjoyed.)

Customer: “So, you think she would like these?”

Me: “Well, I loved them a lot.”

Customer: “But do you think SHE will?”

Me: “I honestly couldn’t say, ma’am. You know your niece better than I do; I’ve never met her.”

Customer: *staring blankly at the books* “But do you think she will like them?”

Me: “If she doesn’t, you can give her a gift receipt and she can return the books.”

Customer: “I didn’t ask you about a gift receipt. I asked you if my niece would like the books you recommended.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am incapable of making up your own mind about books for someone I’ve never met.”

Customer: “I see. So, when they hire people for minimum wage, they really get what they pay for.”

Me: *sarcastically* “Corporate doesn’t provide mind manipulation skills as part of the hiring package, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, they should!”

(She complains to a manager and walks out without ever making up her mind about a book for her niece.)

Manager: “Did she seriously ask you to manipulate her thoughts about a book decision?”

Me: “I can’t make up my OWN mind sometimes, much less someone else’s.”


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Put Your Liquor Where Your Mouth Is

, , , | Right | April 15, 2009

(I work at the hotel bar, and at the time was the only one on duty. Two days before I’d jammed my fingers in a door and as such couldn’t use my left hand properly, and was wearing a bandage so the guests would see. We also shake our drinks using a shaker and glass so the customers get a bit of a show.)

Customer: “I’d like a Sex on the Beach, please.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t make any shaken drinks at the moment since I can’t use my left hand.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, can you make something else that’s shaken?”

Me: “Um, no. My hand is injured, and shaking one-handed isn’t a good idea.”

Customer: “You just don’t know how to make the drink, do you? Trying to get away with something simple?”

Me: *proceed to tell him the recipe of several shaken drinks* “…but I can’t do that because of my hand.”

Customer: “I bet you I could shake one-handed. You’re just inept.”

Me: “If you can do that, the drink’s on the house, but I won’t be responsible for any damages or spills.”

Customer: “I’ve got a free drink then.”

(He tries to shake it, and inevitably screws up, breaking the glass and spilling ingredients all over himself.)

Customer: “I want a refund!” *storms out*

Some-Bunny Was Cranky Today…

, , , | Right | April 14, 2009

Me: “All right, you’re all set! Here are your bags, and have a good weekend!”

Customer: “Thank you.”

Me: “And Happy Easter!”

Customer: “What was that?”

Me: “Happy Easter?”

Customer: “That could be offensive.”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Customer: “You know, some people don’t celebrate Easter. It’s offensive and rude of you to assume that.”

Me: “I… I’m sorry. I guess I did assume because you were buying plastic eggs and basket grass.”

Customer: “You see? You’re assuming.”

Me: “Would you like me to un-wish you a happy Easter?”

Customer: “And there you go with the f****** rude attitude! I celebrate Easter! I just think you need to not be so assuming!”

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am.”

Customer: *leaving* “Ignorant little f***s…”


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Someone Needs To Get Ctrl-Alt-Deleted

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(A customer calls in having trouble logging into her email.)

Me: “Okay, let’s try typing the password into a text program like Notepad or Word. Then, we can copy and paste it into the password box.”

Caller: “Copy and paste?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s just a quick–”

Caller: “COPY AND PASTE? What the h***?! I have a secretary so that I don’t have to learn copy and f****** paste!”

Me: “If you calm down, it’s really very easy.”

Caller: *hangs up phone*


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