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The Stairway To Heaven Is To The Left

, , , , | Right | July 9, 2012

(This occurs when I have just gotten off of work. I have my hair down, and I am waiting on my fiancé to come to pick me up. I’m an almost-29-year-old female with a passionate love for music. I listen to a bit of everything. Today, I happen to be singing to “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin.)

Older Customer: “STOP SINGING THAT!”

Me: “Sir?”

Older Customer: “You are singing Led Zeppelin. You are too young to listen to that. It makes me SICK!”

Me: “Watch me.”

(I put in my earbuds, crank the volume up, and continue singing along.)

Older Customer: “Young people trying to live in OUR ERA!” *stomps off*


This story is part of the singing silliness roundup!

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An Accident Fating To Happen

, , , | Working | June 15, 2012

(I work in a research facility in the middle of nowhere, so I need my car to get to work. One night on the way home in bad weather, my car skids and hits a tree. After calling the police and my fiancé, I call my boss.)

Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name] from unit 8. I just wanted to call and say I won’t be in tomorrow. I’ve just had a car accident.”

Boss: “Oh, my gosh, are you okay?”

Me: “I’m okay, but I think my car’s a write-off. I won’t be in until my insurance sorts a replacement.”

Boss: “Okay, I’ll let everyone know.”

Me: “I can’t really afford to take any unpaid leave right now. Would it be okay if tomorrow was classed as annual holiday? I’ve got some time saved up.”

Boss: “No problem.”

(I get a courtesy sorted the next day and only take one day off. A week later, though…)

Me: “Hi. I just got my payslip for last week and it’s a day short. Could you check that for me?”

Boss: *checks payslip* “Okay, I see it was for the day you had off after your car accident.”

Me: “But I thought we’d agreed that would be annual leave? Shouldn’t I have holiday pay for it?”

Boss: “We did. But you didn’t fill out a holiday form before you took the day off. I should have had the form a week before you had the accident!”

Equality Is Worth Fighting For

, , , | Right | June 6, 2012

(One of my supervisors is an attractive, rather petite girl and fragile-looking, but at heart she’s a big tomboy and much stronger than she looks. She comes into to work one day with her hand bandaged and splinted, and it’s pretty obvious she did it herself. I’m helping a customer in her 40s with art supplies, which is not my area of expertise.)

Customer: *pointing at my supervisor* “What happened to her hand?”

Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. She just started her shift so I haven’t had time to ask her. Is there anything else I can help you find?”

Customer: “Do you think her boyfriend did that to her?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *to my supervisor* “Oh, honey! What happened to your hand?!”

Supervisor: “Oh, it’s nothing serious. I’ll be fine.”

Customer: “Did your boyfriend do that?”

Supervisor: “No.”

Customer: “How’d it happen?”

Supervisor: *awkward smile* “Umm… Well, the short version is a guy hit me in a bar, and I hit him back… but I didn’t brace my wrist correctly.”

Me: “Oh, man, OW! You got a boxer’s fracture?”

Supervisor: “Yeah. I’ll be fine, though. The worst part was having to play piano with this splinted this morning.”

Customer: *horrified* “You didn’t let your boyfriend defend you?!”

Supervisor: *frowning* “I’m not seeing anyone, and even if I was, I was closer.”

Customer: “But you’re a girl!”

Supervisor: *trying to change the subject* “Ma’am, have you found all the art supplies you need today?”

Customer: “REAL GIRLS LET MEN DEFEND THEM!”


This story is part of our Women’s Equality Day roundup!

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Making A Difference

, , , , , | Right | May 28, 2012

(We have a big display of used books just outside our doors that we sell to raise money for a local charity. Paperbacks are $1 and hardcovers are $3, but we sometimes let them give less money if the books aren’t in great condition. An older lady comes to the counter with a brand-new-looking hardcover that I had originally thought she bought at the bookstore in the mall.)

Me: “That’s just from [the used books outside the mall]?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be $3, please.”

(The customer puts a single loonie on the counter.)

Me: “Oh, sorry. It’s $3.”

Customer: “WHAT?! But I got some paperbacks the other day and they were only $1!”

Me: “That’s because the paperbacks are $1, but the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just ridiculous! I don’t want it, then!”

Me: “Well, I can take it for the $1 because it’s just a donation, but they’re supposed to the $3.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “The money for the books goes to a charity, so since it’s just a donation, I can give it to you for a dollar. But, just so you know, the hardcovers are $3.”

Customer: “That’s ridiculous! $3 for a book!” *leaves the loonie on the counter and takes her book*

(About 20 minutes later, a teenage girl and her boyfriend come into the store with a hardcover book.)

Me: “That’ll be $3, please.”

(The teenage girl hands me a $5 bill. I open the donation jar to get her change.)

Teenage Girl: “Oh, it’s a donation?”

Me: “Yes.”

Teenage Girl: “Well, you can just take the whole $5, then.”

Me: “Thank you very much!”

Teenage Girl: “No problem!”

(Funny, the differences between some people!)


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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Dementia In Absentia

, , | Working | April 26, 2012

(The owner of the place isn’t all quite there — too much to drink some days — and hardly knows how to run a business. Every day, she calls in to check on business.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Welcome to [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Owner: *sounds hungover* “[My Name]? When did you start working?”

Me: “I’ve been here since we opened at seven am.”

Owner: “What time is it now?”

Me: “Almost 11.”

Owner: “Okay, I’ll be in around noon.”

(Noon rolls by and she doesn’t show up until around six pm.)

Owner: “Sorry, I’m late. I had to do errands.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m almost finished cleaning up and then I’ll be leaving.”

Owner: “That’s fine.”

(The owner pulls out a bottle of rum hidden in the freezer, grabs a cake from the cooler, and then empties out the register.)

Owner: “I’m going home now. See you tomorrow.”

Me: “All right. I’ll lock up when I’m done.”

(I finish cleaning up by seven pm and just before I lock up, my cellphone rings. It shows my boss on the caller ID.)

Me: “Hi, [Boss], I’m leaving now.”

Owner: “On your way home can you drop me off my bottle of rum, maybe a cake, and tell me how much money is in the drawer?”

Me: “Uh, when you stopped by earlier, you took the rum, the cake, and the money.”

Owner: “No, I didn’t!”

Me: “Yes, you did. You put your money in your pocket, and took the bottle of rum and the cake to your car.”

Owner: “I swear you stole it! I’m going to call the cops and they’ll be arriving the same time that I get there!”

Me: “I swear that you stopped by and picked up the rum, your cake, and the money from the register not even an hour ago.”

(I hear a car door open in the background, followed by a string of swears.)

Me: “I take it you found what you were looking for?”

Owner: *flustered* “You lucked out this time! I found the cake and the money, but the bottle of rum is empty and sitting on the passenger seat of my car!”

Me: “Did you drink it on your way home? I don’t think the cops would have appreciated that.”

Owner: *click*

(I closed up shop, left my key, and never returned to work after that!)