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We Try Not To Die For A Pie

, | Right | March 23, 2012

(I’ve just finished taking a customer’s delivery order.)

Customer: “So, if it’s not here in 30 minutes it’s free, right?”

Me: “I’m sorry. We strive to get it to you within 30 to 45 minutes, but there’s no free pizza if it’s there after 30 minutes. That used to be policy, but we stopped doing that years ago.”

Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Why?”

Me: “Because drivers were having to pay for late pizzas out of their paychecks. Consequently, they were driving dangerously fast, causing accidents. People were getting badly hurt, so we ended that policy.”

Customer: “I don’t see how that’s my problem!”


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Do-Nut Yell At Me

, , , , , | Right | January 28, 2012

(I’m the baker and I am getting everything ready to go out into our case for display. I’m working with just one other person and he’s on drive-thru duty.)

Coworker: “Hey, can you come help me? This guy keeps telling me he wants a glazed bagel.”

(I walk out onto the floor and over to the window where the man is waiting with a mad look on his face.)

Me: “I’m sorry, hun. What was it that you were looking for?”

Customer: “I JUST WANT A GOD D*** GLAZED BAGEL!”

Me: “I’m sorry, hun. We don’t carry glazed bagels here. I’ve worked here for four years and we have never had them.”

Customer: “Are you kidding me? I get glazed bagels here all the time! You must be stupid. I know that there are glazed bagels. I’m just gonna come inside.”

(He speeds his car away from our drive-thru window and I walk into the back to finish with all the baking that I am doing. All of a sudden, I hear the door swing open and hear a familiar loud voice.)

Customer: “There it is! Right there! G-L-A-Z-E-D. I told you that you carry glazed bagels!”

Coworker: *stares in shock at the man*

Customer: “You both are stupid! Can you just get my order? I just want my coffee and my glazed DONUT!”

(My coworker and I both just look at one another. Then, the customer seems to realize what he said.)

Customer: “I said bagel before, didn’t I? Whatever! You should have known what I meant.”


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Pretty Real And Really Pretty

, , , , | Related | January 27, 2012

(I’m at my Grandma’s house for Christmas. I have my sketchpad to finish drawing my friend’s Christmas presents. My family is all “oohing” and “aahing” over my work.)

Uncle #1: “You’re pretty good.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Aunt: “Yeah, this is pretty impressive.”

Uncle #2: *whispering* “Notice how they keep saying it’s pretty good, but no one is saying you’re really good.”


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All Karma’d Out

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2012

Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”


This story is part of our Customers Who Dislike Charity roundup!

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Butter Be More Careful Next Time

, , , , , | Right | January 13, 2012

(An upset customer approaches me, waving around a half-eaten bagel.)

Customer: “Who would put so much butter on a bagel?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Customer: “Do you seriously think it needs this much butter? Seriously?”

Me: “You want less butter?”

Customer: “The bagel is hot! Butter melts, and it dripped all over my shirt! This is a $50 shirt and it’s ruined! Why would you put so much butter on this? It’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry. Would you like a refund?”

Customer: “I’d like you to pay for this shirt, is what I want! Who in their right mind puts on so much butter? Does this seem reasonable to you? Seriously! Look at how much butter is on it!”

Me: “Well, you did ask for extra butter, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s ruined my shirt! So who’s going to pay for it? I’m not going to!”

Me: “Let me get our supervisor.”

(The supervisor proceeds to speak kindly to her, smile meekly, nod, and say, “mhmm,” a lot. She then gives the customer a complaint form to fill out. Somewhat calmer, and believing the supervisor was on her side, the customer takes the form and starts walking out.)

Customer: “Well, I’ll try washing the shirt, then, but if the stain doesn’t come out, someone here is going to be paying for this shirt! Seriously! Who actually thinks a bagel needs that much butter?”


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