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Compassion Also Died That Week

, , , , , | Working | November 29, 2017

My mother-in-law passed away during the week. I went to work the day after but was in too much of a mess to stay. I arranged someone to take over for me, did all the tasks that I knew she couldn’t do, and sent emails to my line manager to explain my situation before heading home. The next day was my rostered day off.

When I got home I noticed a huge bouquet of flowers on the table and realised that [Husband]’s work had sent them to him.

What did I get? A message from my line manager at 8:35 am the next day, demanding to know why the store was closed. We don’t open until 9 am, and the opening staff was already inside the store.

Getting Checked Out At Check Out

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 29, 2017

(A random guy walks up to my register and winks before I’ve even said anything.)

Me: “Good afternoon, sir. Is this all today?”

Customer: “Are you for sale?” *winks*

Me: “No.” *starts ringing up items*

Customer: “Too bad. I’d buy you in a heartbeat.”

Me: “Your total is $23.37.”

Customer: “Can you make change? I know money is a hard thing for girls.” *laughs*

Me: *bites tongue, hands him his change* “Thank you. Have a good day.”

Customer: “So, when can I take you on a date?”

Me: “Not interested.”

Customer: *winks* “Come on. It’ll be fun.”

Me: “Not interested, and engaged.” *calling to person behind him* “Can I help the next guest?”

Customer: “No! You aren’t, you lying b****! You’re not wearing any ring!”

Me: *pulls out ring on necklace* “Yes, I am. They don’t let us wear rings because they rip the gloves. Next guest, please!”

Customer: “Oh. Well, look me up if you two break up, sugar.” *winks and walks off*

Next Customer: *as she comes up to my register* “What an a**hole.”

Just Sleep Through Their Drama

, , , | Friendly | November 29, 2017

(I study until the early morning when I have an approaching deadline for homework assignments. My roommate knows this, and has been okay with my late night studies in the past, since I do it in the study lounge. Usually when I come back into the room, I am as quiet as I can be when opening up our door, but it is a loud door. On one occasion, I come back from studying, and I place my keys in my pocket quietly before quickly opening and shutting the door as quickly and quietly as possible. My roommate stirs in her sleep, so I wait for half a minute before taking off my twenty-pound backpack, so I won’t wake her.)

Roommate: “Hey. Why did you open the door as loudly as possible?”

Me: *too tired to argue* “I didn’t think I did.”

Roommate: “Whatever.”

(I totally understand that she needs sleep, and my coming in early in the morning doesn’t help. However, she has woken me up in the past plenty of times before, and I never mention anything. I just go back to sleep. The funny part of this story is that she purposely made a lot of noise in the morning, hoping that I would wake up. She even didn’t leave for class as early as she usually does, which I’m guessing is because she was hoping that I would get out of bed so that she could yell at me. Joke’s on her; I feigned sleep.)

I’m Not Trapped In Here With You…

, , , , , | Learning | November 29, 2017

(In my middle school choir class, I’m the quiet overachiever who is bullied quite frequently. I can change my mood in a split second, and can set a mood with just my voice. These girls are making fun of me for still going trick or treating; Halloween is my favorite holiday, and I love dressing up. [Mean Girl #1] decides to get the whole class’s attention just to make fun of me.)

Mean Girl #1: “So, [My Name], what are you dressing up as this year?”

(She says it in a condescending baby voice that makes the rest of the class laugh.)

Mean Girl #2: “You going as a princess? Why aren’t you wearing your costume?”

(I receive more laughs from other students.)

Me: “I am.”

Mean Girl #1: “I don’t see it, princess.”

(I get this dead look on my face, relaxing all the muscles in my face except for my eyes, which I make wide on cue.)

Me: *quoting Wednesday Addams from “The Addams Family” in my spot-on impression* “This is my costume. I’m a homicidal serial killer; they look just like everybody else.”

(The room is silent; you could hear a pin drop. I go back to my work, putting on my happiest face as I scratch away markings on my music with my pencil. Everyone in the class is still staring at me.)

Mean Girl #1: “Are you serious?”

Me: “I’m always in costume.”

Can’t Vouch(er) For Your Education

, , , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(I’m waiting in line behind a customer being served. She presents two sale vouchers to the cashier.)

Cashier: “Are you certain you would like to use these? It will cost more if—”

Customer: “I’ve already done the counting and double-checked. I know exactly what it will cost me. You people don’t know how to do maths; you let the machines do it for you.”

(The customer then goes on a tirade about how she is an Oxford graduate and how the cashier is potentially the stupidest person on the planet. She then goes through each item she is buying, applying the discounts the vouchers offer. The cashier, all the while, stands with the straightest face I’ve ever seen. After the customer finishes, she shrugs her shoulders and applies the vouchers.)

Cashier: “£69.40, please.”

Customer: “What? No. You did it wrong. It’s supposed to be £45.90. Here; I’ll go through it again, and keep up this time. You—”

Cashier: “I think it would be kinder to everyone else waiting if I simply draw your attention to the disclaimer at the bottom of the vouchers.”

Customer: “I read the entire thing, front and back.”

Cashier: “Clearly, reading isn’t your strong point, because in order to put these vouchers through, I had to cancel the sale prices and put everything through at full price.”

Customer: “No, you’re wrong. You see, I’m an Oxford graduate, and—”

Cashier: “I graduated with a doctorate from Oxford three years ago, so your credentials mean absolutely nothing, as far as I’m concerned.”

Customer: “You lying b****! If you’re from Oxford, why are you working in a shop?”

Cashier: “That’s certainly none of your business, but if it gets you out of here sooner: my mum owns the store, and I’m helping out while she has surgery.”

(With nothing else to go on, the customer stands there for a few seconds before running out of the building.)

Cashier: “Miss, please don’t forget your vouchers!”

(She didn’t turn back.)