(I’m in the middle of checking in a grumpy woman. I’m telling her about the hotel.)

Me: “…and over there we have the breakfast bar, served from 7:00 to 11:00 in the mornings, and–“

Grumpy Woman: “Just give me my keys! I’ve stayed here many times before; I know all of it!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am!”

(I give her the keys and she leaves to park her car. A few minutes later, she comes back in a towering rage.)

Grumpy Woman: “Why didn’t you tell me how to get to the parking lot?!”

Me: “You told me that you’ve been here before, ma’am. I assumed you knew where the parking was.”

Grumpy Woman: “Well! I’ve never parked here! Dummy!”

Me: “How am I supposed to know that? You said, ‘Just give me the keys!’ I did, and you left. “

Grumpy Woman: “Smart a**!” *leaves*

(It took her another few tries to park and another twenty minutes to get to her room!)

(I work as a bus driver and I’m at the end of my run when I notice a young man asleep at the back of the bus. I wake him up…)

Me: “Excuse me, but we’re at the last stop; you have to get off.”

Customer: “Oh, f***, you were supposed to drop me off at [Street]!”

Me: “Sorry, but you didn’t ask me to let you off there when you got on.”

Customer: “WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE!”

(I check my pockets and come up empty-handed.)

Me: “I seem to have left my ability to read minds in my other pants.”

(It wasn’t the answer he wanted and he couldn’t stay on as I was on my last run. He did ring and complain about it, but I had already told my dispatch about it.)

(I’m a regular at a fashion shop and I’m going to the changing rooms with two items to try on. There’s a customer with no items in her hands standing behind a second customer waiting to try her items. Also, there’s a girl working for the store that calls out when a room is free.)

Me: *to [Customer #1]* “Excuse me, are you in line for a room?”

Customer #1: “No, I’m just waiting for someone.”

(She moves away from the line. [Customer #2], who was before her, goes in and then it’s my turn.)

Worker: *to me* “You can go in number five now.”

Me: “Great! Thanks.”

(I’m about to go when [Customer #1] comes in front of me with two new items.)

Customer #1: “I was here first! It’s my turn, not hers! It’s my turn!”

Me: “Whatever, just go.”

Worker: “Wow. It was your turn, right? I saw you ask her earlier if she was in line and she said no.”

Me: “Yes, I know. I just don’t want to make any trouble; she seemed agitated.”

(Another room is free and I start walking when [Customer #3] pushes me and tries to go in.)

Worker: “Excuse me, ma’am, this young lady was here before you. You need to go back to the line and wait for your turn.”

Customer #3: “I’m with [Customer #1], so I get to go in with her.”

Worker: “I’m sorry but I can’t allow two people in the same room. Please wait for your turn.”

(I start walking to the room when the worker starts walking with me.)

Worker: “There was no way someone else was going to pass in front of you again!”

Me: “Thanks a lot! Have a great day!”

(I ring up a very nasty old lady for her one item, which comes out to $1.07. She gives me $1.10 and I idiotically forget to give her the three cents change.)

Nasty Old Lady: “Are you going to give me my change?!”

Me: *realizes I closed the drawer before I could give her change* “I am so sorry. I’ll have the register open as soon as I ring up the next person.”

Nasty Old Lady: “I should not have to wait! Why didn’t you give me my change?!”

Me: “I promise it will not take long; this next person only has one item.”

Customer: *to the old lady* “I will give you the three cents!”

Me: “No, that will not be necessary.”

(The manager sees this entire thing happen. I ring up the other customer and give the lady her change. About two or three hours later, I pick up a phone call.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Nasty Old Lady: “I was in your store earlier today. I was rung up by a girl and she didn’t give me my change. My purchase was for $1.07 and I gave her $1.10. And when I told her she still owed me change, she made me wait for my change!”

Me: “That was me, ma’am, and once again I am very sorry, but I did give you your change.”

Nasty Old Lady: “No, you forgot to. And then when I asked, you gave it to me. Were you going to try and steal my change? Do you do that to customers?”

Me: “No, I was not trying to do that at all; it was a mistake. I will put you on hold so you can talk to the manager.”

(The manager picks up.)

Manager: “Hello?… Yes… Okay, I understand… Yes, she gave you your change; I was there when it happened… Well, it was a mistake… Okay, well, it won’t happen again… Okay, goodbye.” *hangs up* “So, did you really need that three cents? I could’ve given it to you!”

(It’s April in Minnesota, which means it’s pothole season. Because of this, I find myself standing in a long line at a local discount tire place. There are about six of us in line and one employee. This poor guy is trying his best but just can’t keep up.) 

Employee: *into walkie* “Assistance to the front, please.”

(After ten minutes of no one coming to help, the phone starts ringing.)

Employee: *into walkie* “Assistance to the front, please.”

(Ten more minutes pass with no help and still ring… ring… ring…)

Employee: *voice breaking a bit now* “Assistance to the front, please.” 

(At this point, I’m not even mad about waiting anymore. I just feel bad for this guy and am seriously contemplating answering the phone and just putting whoever it is on hold. Cue the entrance of Mr. F****** Friendly.) 

Mr. F****** Friendly: *saunters in, coffee in hand* “Well, hey there, everyone! Looks like we got a busy one today! I only just heard the page, so I rushed up to help! Good thing I came over here from [Sister Location]; these guys sure need my help!” *ignores the still-ringing phone* 

Employee: “Before you help, can you find the keys to [car] so we can start that job? The customer said they were in the drop-off box and I haven’t had a chance to look.” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: “Yeah, I checked, didn’t see them.”

Employee: “Weird, can you check again?” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: “Sure! Uh, where is your guys’ box?” 

Employee: *points* 

(I don’t know what happened. The spirit just gets to me in this moment and I turn into my mother.) 

Me: “So, what you’re saying is you didn’t check the box?” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: *surprised* “Well no.” 

Me: “Then why did you say you did when you didn’t? If you’re going to lie, at least put a little effort into it.” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: *quiets down, grabs the keys, and FINALLY answers the d*** phone*