Due to a delay, I have to rush to make my connecting flight. I get to the gate right at the last possible minute. Just as I’m about to turn at the gate, someone stops me.
Saleslady: “Can I speak to you about travel insurance?”
Me: “They’re closing my gate in five minutes.”
Saleslady: “This will only take two minutes.”
This story was featured in our May 2020 roundup!
Last fall, I bought a bag of insulation for my yard shed to put up behind the pegboard I bought at the same time. It cost about $150.00. Geez, that stuff’s gotten expensive! Between laziness and procrastination, I didn’t look at it again until last week.
Oops. It turns out that my studs in the shed are a different size. What a hassle; I need to go swap out the insulation.
I go to the store. Nyet. They act like I am trying to defraud them out of a truckload of lumber or something.
Employee: “Do you have the receipt?”
Me: “Well, no. Sorry. It’s unopened in a big plastic bag.”
Employee: “Okay, do you have the card that it was purchased with?”
Me: “Uh, maybe. Let’s try this one.”
I try a couple of different cards; neither works.
Me: “Uh, I think maybe I bought it with cash or a gift card, so it’s gone.”
Employee: “When did you buy it?”
Me: “Back in October.”
Employee: “Sorry, no returns after ninety days under any circumstances.”
Me: “Okay, get me a manager.”
The manager comes and tells me the same thing.
Me: “Okay, where’s your manager?”
I wait, but nope. Same thing.
Manager: “Corporate policy changed last September.”
Me: “Sure, but what’s the purpose of the policy?”
Manager: “More profits, better customer service.”
Me: “Right. You’re not making or losing anything on this deal; just swap me the right size and take this back.”
Manager: “Oh, no, The system won’t let us do.”
Me: “Um, we don’t need the system. Just me and you, two humans here, take this perfectly fine, unopened pack back, and give me the right size — which would be cheaper, but I’ll forget the difference.”
Manager: “Sorry, policy is—”
Me: “Okay, sure, policy is policy, but that’s why they have store managers, so you can go around the policy and do The Right Thing for customer satisfaction, right?”
Manager: “Sorry, I can’t risk my job—”
Me: “Yeah? Who’s going to fire you for this?”
Manager: “Regional management.”
Me: “Okay, get them on the phone.”
Manager: “Sorry, I can give you an 800-number for corporate.”
F***ers.
As with any large sales company, we have terms and conditions. For large sums of money, immediate payment is not required. In this instance, we give our customers thirty days after the end of the month to pay.
Caller: “I’m calling about your payment terms.”
Coworker: “Yes, they are set when you have your quotation.”
Caller: “We need more time than that.”
Coworker: “Sorry, but they are not negotiable; even our biggest customers have to conform. You were made aware of this on a number of occasions.”
Caller: “But I have a piece of paper from you that is signed.”
Coworker: “Yes, you will have, and just about that signature is the word ‘denied.’”
Caller: “Well, maybe we will to go to another supplier.”
Coworker: “You may certainly try, but we are the only supplier in the UK.”
Caller: “Okay, then I will go to your supplier.”
Coworker: “Again, you may try, but they will send you back to us; even if you did buy directly, their terms are far shorter than ours.”
Caller: “Well… well… I’ll call you back.”
Needless to say, they agreed to the terms.
I am a receptionist at a local mortgage company. Answering the phones is always a bit of a minefield. This happened to me this morning.
Me: “Good morning, this is [Company]!”
Caller: *Angrily* “Who is this?”
Me: “This is [Company].”
Caller: *Angrier* “I don’t have a mortgage!”
Me: “Oh, were you calling to talk to one of our loan officers?”
Caller: “I’m not selling my house! Why did you call me?!”
Me: “Well, ma’am, you called us. Were you trying to speak to anyone in particular or did anyone call you from this number?”
Caller: “No!”
Me: “Well, have a great day!”
Caller: “No!” *Hangs up*
I work for an upscale Italian restaurant. It is 11:00 am and we are a half-hour from opening. We are in the middle of our final prep for the lunch service when this happens.
Customer: “Are you open?”
I am momentarily dumbstruck because I have no idea where she came from.
Me: “No, we aren’t open yet; we don’t open for another half hour.”
Customer: “Oh, so, you aren’t open yet? I am meeting someone for lunch at 11:30.”
My head chef hears this and comes around the corner.
Chef: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, are you open yet? I am supposed to be having lunch here today.”
Chef: “No, we are not open yet; we do not open for another half hour. Can I ask how you got in here?”
Customer: “I saw the doors were locked so I came through your office.”
Chef: “You are not allowed in our office; the door was supposed to have been locked. Please come with me.”
I look to our pastry chef.
Me: “Did you just see that?”
Pastry Chef: “No, what happened?”
Me: “A customer came through our office to see if we were open for lunch yet. Even though the signs clearly say we open at 11:30.”
Pastry Chef: “Some people!”
Me: “I read stories like this on Not Always Right and never thought I would see someone that stupid here.”
