A Hold Day In Hell

, | Right | March 2, 2008

(An extremely difficult older customer was waiting on hold to speak to me while I was on the line with another customer. He impatiently hung up several times and called back as though terrorizing the receptionists would get him on the phone with me any faster.)

Me: “Sorry to keep you holding, how can I help you?”

Older Male Customer: “I demand that you remove that hold music immediately because I refuse to listen to it! I also don’t appreciate waiting! I’m very busy and don’t have the time to waste to talk to you!”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, but I was on the line with another customer.”

Older Male Customer: “Now I’m going to waste your time by staying on the line so you can’t take any other calls!”

Me: “Okay…”

Older Male Customer: “…”

Me: “…”

(The silence continues for several more pointless seconds.)

Older Male Customer: “Let me speak to the owner!”

Me: “Alright, he’s on the other line so it’ll just be a moment.”

Older Male Customer: “NO, I don’t want to be put on hold! I want to speak to him NOW! Just write on a piece of paper that LEONARD ***** is on the phone and go in his office and wave it in front of his face.”

(I put him on hold and he immediately hangs up and calls back screaming about having to wait. I try to transfer the call to the owner but he hangs up as soon as he’s put on hold and the cycle repeats itself.)

Me: “Sir, I -have- to put you on hold in order to transfer the call.”

Older Male Customer: “No, just transfer the call without putting me on hold!”

Me: “I’m sorry but that’s physically impossible…”

Older Male Customer: “I don’t care! Do it anyway!”

Me: *sigh*

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The Straw Man

, , , | Right | February 26, 2008

(It’s lunchtime at a busy shopping center fast food restaurant. Holding a large box of straws, I walk out toward the customers’ side of the registers to refill all the straw holders.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir…”

(I walk up beside the customer, still giving him some space despite the fact that it is busy and crowded.)

Angry Customer: “To h*** with that crap. Why do you get to go first? I’ve been waiting here for TEN MINUTES!”

Me: “I’m just…”

Angry Customer: “You’re just impatient; that’s your problem. Wait in line like the rest of us.”

(A lot of other customers are staring at him. He has clearly not even realized I am in uniform.)

Me: “Sorry, sir. I work here and I need to refill these straws. A lady complained before because all the straw holders had run out.”

Angry Customer: “Well, why are you doing that NOW? Couldn’t you have picked a better time to do it?! I lined up here and all I want is a lousy meal and you’re in my way…” *continues on and on*

Me: “Look, it’s our policy to not hand out straws because of hygiene reasons, so I must refill the straws so the customers can take them themselves so they can, you know, drink?”

Angry Customer: *loudly* “You’re very rude. I want to talk to your manager immediately!”

Me: *sarcastically, as he has not noticed “MANAGER” on my name badge* “Hi, I am the manager on duty. My name is [My Name]. What seems to be the problem?”

(Other customers nearby giggle.)

Angry Customer: “Well, that’s just f****** great. What a piece of s*** place anyway. F***!”

(He stormed off after wasting about fifteen minutes of his life over some straws.)


This story is part of the Wrong But Committed Customers roundup!

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One Last Parting Shot

, , , | Right | February 24, 2008

(A man realized that he was unable to pay for his groceries a few checkouts away from mine and had to leave his cart full of items behind. As he stormed off, he let off a tirade of insults at his cashier, finally stopping as he passed my register, gaping in awe at my long hair. I’m a guy, by the way.)

Pissed Customer: “AND YOU! GET A HAIRCUT! YOU LOOK STUPID!”

Me: “…”

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Nonsensical Hypotheticals

, , , | Right | February 17, 2008

(The customer has pulled up to the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

Me: *dumbfounded*

Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

(The customer speeds off.)

Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”


This story is part of the Drive-Thru roundup!

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Customer: Impossible

, , , | Right | February 1, 2008

Old man: “I need a new phone! But I don’t want all those fancy bells and whistles on it!”

Me: “Okay, well we have some more basic phones over–”

Old man: “No I don’t want caller ID!”

Me: “Hmm… well all the phones we carry have caller ID on them. It’s a pretty standard feature nowadays.”

Old man: “Yeah but I don’t have that service, so I’d just be wasting my money on a feature I don’t use!”

(This sort of this goes on for about ten minutes. At one point another customer enters the aisle doing her own shopping. He looks over my shoulder and yells to her “Go find someone else! He’s helping me right now!” Finally, he decides on a phone…)

Old man: “Does this one have a wall mount?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s wall mountable.”

Old man: “Show me!”

Me: “We can’t really open product-”

Old man: “No, show me!”

(I think, “Screw it,” and open the box and take everything out to show him.)

Me: “See? Wall mounts.”

Old man: “Okay, fine, I’ll take it.”

(I spend ten minutes trying to get the freaking phone back in the box exactly how it was packaged, which is a lot harder than it sounds.)

Me: “Okay… here you go.”

Old man: “No, I don’t want that one, it’s been opened!”

(I nearly beat him to death with his cane.)

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