Behind Every Man Is An Embarassed Wife

, , , | Right | March 9, 2008

(Where I work, our dining room closes at 10:00 pm but the drive-thru stays open all night. I have just locked both the dining room doors when a man comes up and starts banging on the first door. We start talking through the door.)

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed.”

Customer: “You screwed up my order!”

Me: “I’m sorry. You could go through our drive-thru and they’d be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I just came through! They’re the ones that messed it up.”

Me: “I’m really sorry about that; if you go through again they’ll fix it for you.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car!”

Me: “But you said you just went through?”

Customer: “Yeah, but I don’t have my car anymore.”

Me: “I can give you our store number. If you call, we’ll replace your order tomorrow.”

Customer: “Just open the door!”

Me: “I can’t sir; we’re closed.”

(The man then walks around the store to the second door and starts banging there.)

Me: “Sir, the only way we can fix this is if you go through the drive-thru or give us a call.”

Customer: “I don’t have a phone!”

Me: “You can save your receipt and show it to us tomorrow. We’ll replace the whole order.”

Customer: “This is bulls***!”

(He then enters the drive-thru on foot, weaving through cars in line, gets between the drive-thru window and a car waiting to order, and starts banging on the glass.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t open the window unless you’re in a car.”

Customer: “I don’t have my car anymore and you messed up my order. Tell your employees to open the door.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, we can’t unlock the doors once we’re closed. That’s our policy. If you return in the morning, we’ll be glad to help.”

Customer: “Don’t f*** with me. I’ll call the cops on you! You can’t refuse service to me!”

(Just then, a car pulls up behind him. The woman driving rolls down her window.)

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! It’s not that big a deal.”

Customer: “They won’t fix our order!”

Woman: “Get in the f****** car! This is f****** embarrassing!”

(The man gets in and the car pulls up to the window.)

Woman: “I’m sorry. All that happened was you forgot to give us a burrito.”

Manager: “We’ll get that for you right away.”

(As soon as the window was closed, the woman started yelling at the man again.)

 

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Always Right, Even When They’re At The Wrong Store

, , , | Right | March 8, 2008

(I worked this job over a year ago and got plenty of peachy customers. This is one that sticks with you, though.)

Customer: “I need to pick up my copy order.”

Me: “Sure thing, what’s the name on that?”

Customer: “[Customer], and it’s very important so it had better be right.”

(I proceed to the bins where we keep our completed orders and can’t find one and can’t find a work order sheet, and when I check our production log, nothing has been checked in.)

Me: “Erm… Sir, are you sure this is the correct location? I seem to be having trouble finding this order…”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure. My wife dropped it off here. You’d better get off your a** and find it!”

(So, I keep looking over and over again. Meanwhile, he’s still telling me off and using much less than appropriate language. My supply-side manager had a bad night, so I am dead set on settling it myself.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not seeing it but I want to get your name again just to be sure.”

Customer: “You really are useless, aren’t you? The name is [Customer], stupid-a**. I’ll even call my wife and she can confirm it for you!”

(I cross my arms and wait patiently for him to make his call. It’s little surprise to me when he pales a little and hangs up.)

Customer: “It’s at [Other Store]… BUT IT’S STILL YOUR FAULT THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!”

(The customer stormed out.)

 

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And They Wonder Why Customer Service Is Slow

, , | Right | March 7, 2008

Customer: “WHERE ARE MY BOOKS?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “I had a big pile of books and I put them on that bench and now they’re gone!”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that, ma’am. See, a lot of customers just leave books around the store, so we regularly walk around and put away books that are left out.”

Customer: “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!”

Me: “To keep the store in some kind of logical order. What books were they? I’ll help you find them again.”

Customer: “I don’t remember! You tell me what books they were!”

Me: “I have no idea what books you had, ma’am, but I can walk around the store with you and see if we can jog your memory.”

Customer: “I have foot problems! I’m very old! I can’t walk around the store all over again! Find my books!”

(A manager intervened, and between him and three other employees, we actually found all seven of the books this lady wanted. She didn’t say thank you, proceeded to walk around the store without any problem, left the books on the same bench again, and then left the store without buying anything.)

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Keyless Start, Please Meet Clueless (Old) Fart

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2008

(A customer comes out and hands me his valet ticket for his car. I go back to the key box and notice that I had written that he hadn’t given me his keys. He had one of those key-less start cars that you don’t need to put in a key to drive, but the key still has to be in the car to start it.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, you did not give me the keys to your car.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. You see this is a key-less start car here, son. You don’t need a key to start it.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am aware that it is a key-less start, but I still need the key to be in the car to start it.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand me here, kid. It is KEY-LESS. You don’t need my key. Now please just go get my car.”

Me: “Sir, I know what you are saying, but I have parked many other cars like this..”

Customer: “Listen to me, boy! I am an adult! I have had that car for a while, and I think I know a little more about how it works than you, don’t you think?! Now go get my car or I will tell the manager!”

(I try to tell him once again that I need the key, but he just screams and goes to get the manager. I tell the manager what the problem is.)

Manager: “Sir, he is correct. You need the key to start the car.”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD! Are you all idiots here?!”

(I take him and the manager to his car. I ask him for the key, which he gives me.)

Me: “Sir, please show me how to start the car without the key inside.”

Customer: “Okay, fine, then!”

(He tries to press the engine start button, which doesn’t start.)

Customer: “…”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “Well, are you going to give me the keys so I can start my car?! Jesus, everyone knows you can’t start this type of car without a key! You should be fired!”

(That was the night I quit my job.)

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John Hancock Goes Shopping

, , , , , | Right | March 5, 2008

(I have been ringing up a customer’s purchases on the register and am just about to put through his credit card for payment.)

Me: “Sir, just sign here please.”

Customer: “No, I don’t sign.”

Me: “You have to sign so that your credit card is verified; it shows you paid for it and not someone else.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to sign. Forget about it all, goodbye!”

(The customer leaves his purchases on the counter which he’s just paid for; the electronic system isn’t actually activated by a signature. It goes through automatically; the signature is just a formality.)

Me: “Wait, where are you going? You just paid for this stuff! Are you going to leave it here? Hey!”

(The customer exits the store, and my manager motions for me to follow, with a big mean smile on his face. I sigh and run after the customer.)

Me: “Excuse me! Excuse me, you can’t just leave that stuff there. You need to come back and claim it or we’ll refund it for you.”

Customer: “Why are you following me? What’s wrong with you? Leave me alone. I told you I didn’t want to sign anything!”

Me: “I’m not going to chase you all over the city, but you should know you’ve got things in there you just paid for. You’re down $120 if you leave them there.”

Customer: “But I didn’t sign.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter if you signed anything; your purchase still went through. Now are you going to come back and get your money or your items, or are you happy with donating $120 to our store?”

Customer: “You’re crazy! I didn’t sign anything so I didn’t pay. You’re just trying to get me back there so I’ll buy more stuff! Leave me alone!”

(I decide to give it up since it’s clear this person isn’t going to listen to me; he’s convinced I’m trying to rip him off while, in fact, I’m doing the opposite…)

Me: “Suit yourself, then. Thanks for the $120.”

(Sure enough, three days later, the customer returned, angry about the store stealing money from him when he didn’t make a purchase. I rolled my eyes and left him for someone else to deal with. He was still yelling that he hadn’t signed anything.)

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