We Stand Up For Our Own

, , | Right | September 1, 2008

(It’s Christmastime, which is always hellish at our video game store. There is a giant line running all the way to the back of the store, and I am serving a young boy and his grandfather.)

Me: “Your total comes to $68.98.”

Customer: “What? That’s too high. That game was fifty dollars.”

Me: “Oh, the game is actually $59.99.”

Customer: “I told you I didn’t want any of your extra s***. I just want this game thing he wants.”

Me: “I’m sorry you misread the price, sir, but that language in unacceptable in this store, especially with so many young people nearby.”

Customer: “You know what? I didn’t come in here for your attitude. I came in here to buy my stupid grandson’s stupid game!”

Me: “Then it’s $68.98…”

Customer: “These games are so absolutely stupid. You people waste your time and your money on this s***! You people are all fat and unemployed and pathetic! You game people need to get f***ing jobs!”

Customer In Line #1: “She’s doing her job right now, idiot.”

Customer In Line #2: “Get lost, jerk!”

Me: “That line behind you is composed of gamers, sir.”

(At this point, the entire lineup starts yelling at the guy that he’s a jerk.)

Customer: *flees the store*

(For the next half hour, every single customer, most of them probably gamers, told me that I didn’t deserve that kind of treatment, and apologized for him. It was easily one of the best days I’ve ever had at work.)


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Speak For Yourself

, , , | Right | August 28, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: “How can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “My wife sent me in here to pick up some chestnut brown and I can’t find it.”

Me: “Okay, is that makeup or hair color?”

Customer: “I don’t know; she just said chestnut brown.”

Me: “Do you happen to remember the brand name?”

Customer: “No! She just said chestnut brown. Weren’t you listening?”

Me: “Well, it sounds like hair dye to me. Let’s have a look.”

(We both go to the hair coloring aisle and I start to look through every shade in every brand. The man does not help at all; it takes me ten minutes.)

Me: “Here you go, sir. This is Garnier hair color, chestnut brown.”

Customer: “Are you sure that’s it? I don’t want to go home and have to come back.”

Me: “You could call your wife and ask her.”

Customer: “She’s not at home. Oh, wait, hold on.”

(He pulls a piece of paper from his pocket and begins to read it.)

Customer: “Yep, Garnier chestnut brown. That’s it!”

Me: “Sir, no offense, but you could have saved us a lot of time by reading that note in the first place.”

Customer: “That’s the problem with this country. Nobody wants to work anymore!”

Me: “Yeah, that’s our problem.”

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What Is This Culturally Monolithic Country Coming To

, , , , , | Right | August 20, 2008

Me: “Good evening, sir. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I want a good movie.”

Me: “Of course. I recommend Pan’s Labyrinth; it was excellent.”

Coworker: “You are aware that this movie has subtitles.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that?”

Coworker: “The words at the bottom you have to read. It’s in Spanish.”

Customer: “What the f*** is that? We’re in America; we don’t speak Spanish! I want it in American!”

(He storms off and promptly returns with ‘Apocalypto.’)

Me: “Sir, you do know this movie has subtitles, too?”

Customer: “What the f***? What is this country coming to? When did we become another country?! I want a god-d*** American movie! Where are the American movies?”

Me: “The store is full of movies made in America.”

(He walks back up about ten minutes later with ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ in his hand.)

Customer: “This is the movie by Clint Eastwood, right?”

Coworker: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “And it’s really good, too.”

Customer: “Clint Eastwood is a real American. He knows what I like!”

(I gave a look to my coworker who didn’t say anything that time, and we rented him the movie. Too bad ‘Letters From Iwo Jima’ is all in Japanese with English subtitles.)


This story is part of our Japan roundup!

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Maybe They’re Having A Pow Wow At Starbucks

, , , , , | Right | August 15, 2008

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Coworker: “Yes, may I help you?”

Customer: “I just wanted to say how disappointed I am with your town!”

Coworker: “Okay, why is that?”

Customer: “I haven’t seen an Indian! This is supposed to be Cherokee Nation, and I haven’t seen one Indian! We came all the way down here from Illinois and wanted to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Come again?”

Customer: “All we’ve seen are normal people! We want to see Indians!”

Coworker: “Ma’am, they dress and look just like the rest of us. If you want to see reenactments, you need to go to Tsa-La-Gi outside town.”

Customer: “They don’t dress like that all the time?”

Coworker: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “What about teepees?”

Coworker: “That’s plains Indians, ma’am, and no. They don’t live in teepees.”

Customer: “Oh…” *mutters while walking away* “… came to see Indians and all we get are regular people…”


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Haphazardly Placed Vowels Does Not A Language Make

, , | Right | August 12, 2008

(I’m a customer and see an employee is waiting on another customer. The employee speaks perfect English and actually looks Hawaiian.)

Customer: “EL POLO ICE-CREAMO!”

Employee: Umm… yeah?”

Customer: “I want some choco-lato ice-creamo. GRASSIOS!”

Employee: “I speak English fine. What size do you want?”

Customer: “Oh, you are doing so good. Good job, boy. Umm… I want a GRAND-AY!”

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