No Paws For Thought

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2010

Me: “Hello, [Public Transport]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you allow cats on your buses?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, but only service animals are allowed on the bus.”

Caller: “But she’s a very quiet cat! The airline let me take her!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but those are the rules. We can’t allow animals on board.”

(We go back and forth like this for a few minutes.)

Caller: *desperately* “What if I say she’s a seeing-eye cat? I could put a little collar on her saying she’s a seeing-eye cat.”

Me: “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

Caller: “What if I dress her like a dog?”

Me: “They’re not going to buy that.”

Caller: “Why not?!”

(The conversation continues in a similar fashion.)

Caller: “You’re not allowed to hang up on me, are you?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Caller: “I feel sorry for you.”


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Penny For Your Thoughtlessness

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2010

(I am working as a cashier at a gourmet food store. A lady walks up with one item and a giant jar full of pennies. I ring her up.)

Me: “That will be three dollars, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “Okay, here you go.”

(She puts the jar down on the counter.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what is the jar for?”

Customer #1 : “It’s how I’m paying. Are you blind?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, do you have any cash?”

Customer #1: “No, I don’t! I’m just paying in pennies for the fun of it. Get counting!”

(She proceeds to dump the pennies onto the counter. I finish counting out the 300 pennies.)

Customer #1: “Could you have taken any longer?”

(She storms off. The next customer walks up with just one item.)

Customer #2: *without missing a beat* “I know this is going to be $5.01. Can you spare a penny?”


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Babel-ing On

, , , , | Right | November 25, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. I’ll be your server this evening.”

Customer: “Habla español?”

Me: “No, sir, I don’t.”

Customer: “Italian?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “French?”

Me: “Sorry, no.”

Customer: “Well, then, what language do you speak?”

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The Customer Has The Right To Be Wrong

, , , | Right | November 23, 2010

(I have finished my shift and am doing my shopping at the self-scan checkout, still in uniform.)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you help me? The machine’s playing up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ve actually finished. I can’t log on to the system after my shift, but I can call my colleague.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! If you’ve finished why are you still here at this checkout?”

Me: “I’m shopping, sir, like you are.”

Customer: “Why the h*** would you need to shop here?!”

Me: “I still need to eat, sir.”

Customer: “This is insane. What makes you think you have the right to eat?!”

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Love Thy Culturally Homogenous Neighbor

, , , , , , | Right | November 11, 2010

Me: “I hope you’ve found everything to your liking!”

Customer: “Oh, thank you, I have! It’s so nice to meet a polite Christian girl nowadays! You know, it’s always best to love thy neighbor.”

Me: “Oh, actually, I’m not Christian. But yes, I agree.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, as long as you love Jesus, our savior!”

Me: “Actually, I’m Muslim and Jewish.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Well, my mother is Jewish and my father is Muslim.”

Customer: “Oh. When I said ‘love thy neighbor,’ I didn’t mean you!”

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