Washing Your Eyes In Jalapeños Would Be Less Painful

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2017

(I’m working concession at my movie theater. We offer nachos and have a few free side items to go with the nachos, including hot sauces and jalapeño slices. We ran out of jalapeños earlier in the night. A customer approaches me, clearly already grumpy and angry.)

Customer: “Get me nachos.”

Me: “Certainly, sir.”

(I fetch the nachos.)

Me: “That’ll be $6.99.”

Customer: “You’re f****** kidding me?! That’s insane! This is robbery!”

Me: “I’m truly sorry, sir.”

Customer: “Fine! But you’d better get me jalapeños!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we ran out of jalapeños earlier.”

Customer: *scoffs and glares at me with pure rage* “Really? REALLY?! Well, then… what are you going to do for me to make up for this f****** inconvenience?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “I WANTED jalapeños. You don’t have them. So you’re going to give me something else for free! I want more! A small popcorn!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not authorized to do that. The jalapeños are an optional free bonus item. I’m not authorized to give you a pay-item to make up for an optional free item that we’re out of.”

Customer: “Well then, give me more nacho cheese!”

Me: “I’m going to have to charge you 99 cents for the cheese.”

Customer: “Bulls***! You owe me compensation for my inconvenience!”

Me: “I really apologize, sir, but I’m really not authorized to give out free pay-items as compensation for a free optional bonus item.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(He throws money at me and storms off. Five minutes later, I hear him swearing and screaming at the manager’s desk. A coworker who witnessed the initial exchange comes over to me.)

Coworker: “You know what’s probably happening? He’s probably trying to get you fired for following rules. And I’m willing to bet the manager is going to give him a bunch of free stuff to calm him down.”

Me: “Yeah… unfortunately, that’s probably the case.”

(A few minutes later, my manager, indeed, came over, grabbed a slew of food items, and gave them to the man for free to stop him from screaming. I was also scolded for following the rules we were told to follow about not giving out free pay-items to make up for out-of-stock free items. And I was later informed by other coworkers that the man spent the entire rest of the night swearing at and insulting them, demanding preferential treatment because that “a**hole at concession” wouldn’t give him free items. It’s incidents like this that make me want to strangle whoever coined the phrase “the customer is always right.”)


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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13

, , , | Right | July 23, 2017

(One extremely busy day, one of our cashiers calls out, leaving me and the manager to operate the registers by ourselves. The lines are incredibly long, and a female customer wants to refund her purchase and buy it again with a coupon. While I’m doing this, the male customer behind her is getting visibly impatient. I notice the other line is long, but each person appears to have only a few items, while the female customer I’m helping has a full cart of stuff.)

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure how long this will take, so it may be faster if you get in the other line.”

Male Customer: *notices how long the line is* “Quicker?! With all those people?! What I don’t understand is why there are only TWO cashiers on a busy day like this!”

Me: I’m sorry, sir, we’re understaffed; one of our cashiers called out. If you’d like to talk to my manager, she’s right over there.”

Male Customer: “Well, you should call somebody else in or something! Having only two cashiers when it’s this busy is ridiculous!”

(The lady I’m helping overhears this and decides to stick up for me.)

Female Customer: “Sir, it’s not her fault that the lines are long. They’re doing all they can and you complaining like this isn’t going to help.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, if you don’t open your mouth, nothing gets done.”

Female Customer: “My mother has colon cancer. If waiting in line is the worst thing to happen to you…”

Male Customer: “I’m just saying, two cashiers on a day like this is completely ridiculous!”

(A younger girl, presumably the daughter of the lady I’m helping, decides to say something, as well.)

Younger Girl: “Dude… shut up!”

(The man goes silent but still is very noticeably angry. When I finally finish the lady’s transaction, the man throws his one item at me, pays as fast as he can, and storms out. There was another lady in line after him.)

Next Lady In Line: “…I’ll try to run him over in the parking lot for you.”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 10
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 9
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8

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Has A Report Retort

, , , | Right | July 7, 2017

(I am a receptionist in a corporate bank and I have to screen every call that I receive.)

Me: “Good morning, [Bank].”

Caller: “Hi, may I speak to your IT manager?”

Me: “May I know which company you are calling from, sir?”

Caller: “[Company].”

Me: “May I know the purpose of the call?”

Caller: “I would like to send a report.”

Me: “May I know what type of report, sir?”

Caller: “Look, mate, you are just the receptionist. Why are you asking 25 questions? Are you transferring my call or not?”

Me: “I’m afraid not, sir. Goodbye!” *hangs up*

(With that kind of attitude, especially when speaking in a demeaning way, may never get you through any call when you don’t even know who you would like to speak to. I’m just doing my job right, mate!)


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Weeding Out The Bad Neighbors

, , , , | Friendly | June 19, 2017

(It is during summer and I am about nine years old. A few months ago, the city had decided to fix some nonexistent cracks in the sidewalks and make the residents pay about $500 each for it. Obviously, people complained, but the city informed them that the sidewalks were city property and that the residents had no right to decide whether the repairs were necessary. The residents tried to fight the cost being forced on them, but they lost. One of my neighbors is a bit of a grump who likes to turn tiny problems into huge issues. He also has a large garden which he tends to obsessively. When I’m walking past his house on the way to a friend’s place, I see a tiny flower (clearly a weed) growing between the cracks of the sidewalk. I pick it and tuck it behind my ear before continuing on my way. My friend isn’t home, though, so I go back to my house. I find my mom and the grumpy neighbor arguing on the front porch.)

Neighbor: *pointing at me* “There! There it is! See? In her hair! That’s the flower she stole!”

Mom: “That little thing? The way you were going on, I thought you meant an expensive flower, like an orchid or something.”

Neighbor: “It doesn’t matter! She’s a dirty thief!”

Me: *thinking I’m about to get in a lot of trouble* “But it was just a weed! It was growing between the sidewalk cracks.”

Neighbor: “I don’t care where it was growing! You stole it from me.”

Mom: “What exactly is it that you want me to do? She can’t put the flower back.”

Neighbor: “I know she can’t put the flower back. Do you think I’m stupid? She destroyed it, and I want her punished! If you refuse to address this matter, I’ll have to involve the police.”

Mom: *pulling me behind her* “Go right ahead.”

Neighbor: *shocked* “What?”

Mom: *trying not to smirk* “As you well know after those repairs, the sidewalks are the property of the city, not you. The city has no laws forbidding children from picking flowers. Now, if that will be all, I think it’s time for you to leave.”

Neighbor: *sputtering* “But… but… she stole from me!”

Mom: “No, she clearly didn’t. But you’re on private property, and I’ve already asked you to leave once. If you stay here, you’ll be trespassing, and I’ll have to involve the police.”

Neighbor: *leaves, looking like he just swallowed a lemon*

Me: *staring in shock at my mom, who’s normally very soft-spoken and non-confrontational*

Mom: “Never give in to people like that, honey. If you do, they’ll walk all over you forever.”


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They Won’t Stop For Muffin, Part 2

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2017

(I work in a well-known coffee place in Canada. This takes place while I’m working as the “order taker” on a headset in the drive-thru.)

Me: “Okay, would you like anything else today?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a Pumpkin Spice muffin?”

Me: “So sorry, hun. Our Pumpkin Spice season is over. Would you like me to list the muffins we do carry?”

Customer: “Sure!”

Me: “Blueberry, chocolate chip, cranberr—”

Customer: *interrupting* “Do you have raisin bran?”

Me: “No, sorry, But we have cranberry apple walnut bran, fruit explosion, coff—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “What about banana nut?”

Me: *trying not to sound frustrated* “No… sorry. The last two muffins we have are coffee cake and red velvet.”

(There is a long pause:)

Customer: “What about lemon poppy seed. You guys have that?”

(My coworkers, who also wear headsets, are now laughing as I mime a strangling motion.)


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