I’m giving my usual spiel about tank requirements for some fish.

Customer: *Flips, and in a nasty tone.* “I’ve been keeping fish since before you were born!”

She ends up buying fifteen fish for a single twenty-gallon tank, so she obviously hadn’t learned much from her decades of experience!

Last year’s work Christmas party was a mess. There were complaints from nearly everyone about the food, restaurant, and dates, and complaints from people who said they didn’t get asked. But worse was that so many people didn’t turn up, meaning those that did had to stump up an extra bill.

I’ve been asked to organise it this year, as I am super organised and tend to enjoy these sorts of things, so I get to work.

Months in advance, I send out a poll with a choice of restaurant and a selection of dates. I get the menu as soon as it is released and stick it on the board and email it out. I make sure I get a response from everyone regarding their attendance and any allergies.

I chase everyone down who didn’t respond, especially when it comes to collecting a deposit. It’s strictly a “Don’t pay, don’t come!” scenario.

I track down one of the non-responders.

Me: “Last chance to come to the Christmas party.”

Coworker: “Oh, no! I want to come. Where is it?”

Me: “It’s at [Restaurant] on [date].”

Coworker: “Oh, I don’t really like that place. Can’t we go somewhere else?”

Me: “I sent out the options months ago. Sorry, it’s all decided. Do you want to come?”

Coworker: “Err… Sure. Okay.”

Me: “Okay, I need your deposit by the end of the day. Cash is fine, or you can transfer the money.”

Coworker: “Well, I didn’t know about—”

Me: *Interrupting* “I emailed everyone three times about this and it has been on the canteen and office notice board.”

Coworker: “Fine!”

Me: “Great. Everyone who has paid the deposit will get invited to the group chat for any updates.”

I send her an email, and then another the next day. She doesn’t pay. I collect everyone’s deposits, set up the group chat, and think we are pretty much done.

A few weeks later…

Coworker: “Oh, I realised that I never gave you that deposit. Here.”

Me: “Yeah, I already paid the restaurant. If you don’t pay them you can’t have a space.”

Coworker: “Well, you could have just paid it for me.”

Me: “You and the other fifteen people who didn’t pay me?”

Coworker: “Look, just sort it out or I will go to Human Resources.”

Me: “No.”

Coworker: “What do you mean, no? You’re excluding me; this is bullying.”

Me: “No and no. Firstly, you had plenty of notice and I don’t owe you anything, and secondly, we moved the meal to last weekend. Everyone who did pay the deposit had a great time.”

She swore at me and ran off. I think she might have made a complaint, but it never reached me. The next year, she made a big bid to organise the meal, presumably to spite me or “forget to invite me,” but she ended up going on holiday and half-a**ed the meal planning, and I had to step in again.

We had a good time without her again.

My girlfriend and I are attending the wedding of one of her friends. When it gets to dinner, I’m served chicken.

Me: “Err, when you ordered the meals, did you get me a vegetarian one?”

Girlfriend: “Yes… No. I don’t remember. Can’t you just eat it?”

Me: “You know I don’t eat meat. I’m going to ask for something different.”

Girlfriend: “I don’t understand why you’re making a big deal out of this.”

Me: “I’m not discussing this with you now.”

I managed to get hold of a waiter, only to find out that only a certain number of vegetarian meals were made and there were none left. So, for dinner, I had a slice of tomato and five green beans. My girlfriend blamed me.

We aren’t together anymore.

I switched high schools midway through my first year and found that, unlike my old school, my new one taught Latin. As another student also joined the school at the same time as me, she and I were given separate lesson plans to the rest of the class to try and “catch us up.”

I was generally very polite and quiet at this point in my life, particularly toward authority figures, but my outward behaviour didn’t always reflect my internal monologue. 

One day, the teacher reprimanded the other later starter because her textbook was closed and she wasn’t even pretending to be working. I, however, was nearly finished with the assignment. For some reason, though, the teacher then brought me into it.

Teacher: “What about you, [My Name]? Are you Superman and able to read your book through its cover?”

Me: “Yes, of course, I am.”

A few moments later as the class erupted, I realised with growing horror that I had actually said the thing I was thinking.

Teacher: “Oh, that’s hilarious, [My Name], very funny. Do you know what else is funny? Saturday morning detention.”

I didn’t have a great home life and my parents had very strict ideas about respecting adults, so frankly, I was terrified about how I would explain this to them. I spoke to the teacher after the class, apologised profusely, and explained that my inner voice had gotten away from me and that I had actually finished the lesson so he caught me by surprise. He thanked me for apologising but explained that he had actually been joking, too. Looking back on it now, I’m not sure if he just saw how panicked I was and took pity on me.

I waitress at a restaurant near several churches. My first table one day is fresh from church. They are about to pray when I walk up. Seeing this, I step back to let them finish. The wife waves me toward the table. I hold up a hand, indicating, “No, thanks.”

Wife: “We were going to pray. Join us.”

I don’t do the religion thing. I don’t mind if they do it around me, but I’m not comfortable joining in.

Me: “No, thank you. I’ll come back when you’re done.”

I go to leave.

Wife: “It’s okay! We won’t tell your boss!” *Laughs*

Me: “Boss? No, I’m just very busy. I’ll go refill some drinks and—”

Wife: *Interrupting me* “There is nothing more important than God.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll be back.”

Wife: “I am asking you to pray with my family. Are you really rejecting this one-of-a-kind offer?”

Me: “Thank you, but I have to politely decline.”

Husband: “Excuse me, what did you say?”

Me: “I am not comfortable doing that, so I am declining your offer. That is not to say you cannot do it yourselves. Please, take your time. I’ll go refill some drinks and be back. No rush.”

Husband: *Loudly* “I want the manager. I don’t want you waiting on us, either!”

Me: “Okay!”

I walk away quickly. I find the manager and explain the situation. The manager goes to the table and tells them it is not required for servers to pray with customers, and he will not force me to do it. If they want another server, they can have one.

Husband: “You’re just as bad as she is! All of you here working instead of going to church like you should be! It’s a shame! It’s disgusting!”

Manager: “Sir, which would you rather have? The rest of us sitting beside you in a pew, or here, serving you iced tea and chicken-fried steak? We can only do one.”

Husband: *Sputters* “Well, it’s not up to me.”

Manager: “A new server will be with you momentarily.”

Wife: “What about her?!”

She points to me. My manager walks away from the table without a reply. They get up and huff out.

The next Sunday, guess who is right back there again and in my section?

Wife: “We asked for you today because we’re going to pray for you while you work.”

I ignore the comment and take their drink order. I can hear them praying loudly, something about helping me find my way to Christ. The meal goes fine with no issues, but when they leave I see they left me a big fat zero in terms of a tip. Instead, they left me literature on their church.

The next weekend, they request me again. I talk to the server next to me and swap tables because I won’t serve them again. They stop me when I am walking by and question why I am not waiting on them when they asked for me specifically.

Me: “I figured after all the problems last time I waited on you, you’d for sure want another server.”

Wife: “Problems?”

They all look confused.

Me: “Yeah, I figured since you didn’t tip me, I did something wrong. I wouldn’t want to do that to you again!”

Then I turned and walked away. The husband was saying something to me and I totally ignored him. That was the last time I saw them. I think I offended them enough they refused to come back.