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The Law Of Groups

, , , | Right | April 23, 2021

Stores smaller than forty square meters can let only one customer in at a time inside. The fines are harsh, and the store can be forced to close.

At least five times a day, I have to block people who try to enter in groups of two or three, all with the same excuses.

Customer: “But she is my daughter/mother/sister/friend…”

Customer: “But he is my son/father/brother/friend…”

What do they expect me to say?

Me: “Oh, right, the law says that you can enter in a group because you are so special!”

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They’re To Blame, But The Questionnaire Saves Them

, , , | Right | April 17, 2021

Me: “Thank you for calling [Travel Company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “You guys charged me without any reason! I never made any reservation with you!”

Me: “Okay, sir. May I ask you for the merchant’s name as shown on your bank account, to determine what the charge refers to?”

Customer: “Yes, it says [Totally Different Company].”

Me: “Well, sir, then may I suggest you get in touch with [Totally Different Company] to check your unrecognised charge with them?”

Customer: “Ah, okay. Bye.”

The only comment in the customer satisfaction questionnaire was, “F*** off.”

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Rome-ing Off The Reservation

, , , , | Right | March 22, 2021

I’m on holiday in Rome just after high school graduation. I join a tour organized by the youth hostel I’m staying at. After a long trek through the Eternal City, as we go back to the hostel, a boy not much older than me approaches our tour guide.

Boy: “Excuse me, but I want to know: are you Roman?”

Guide: “Well, not quite. I’m Sabinian, but I’ve lived in Rome for years.”

Boy: “Oh, I see. So, can you tell me where I can find the reservation?”

Guide: *Puzzled* “The reservation? What do you mean, exactly?”

Boy: “Y’know, the place where Romans live, and they all dress up in togas and have gladiatorial fights in. Those reservations.”

Guide: “I… I’m pretty sure there isn’t one.”

Boy: “So they demolished it when they banned traditional costumes last year? That’s s***ty as h***. At least they’ve been protesting about it pretty well.”

Guide: “Wait, what? What are you talking about? There’s a law against people dressing up as centurions, but…”

Boy: “But what? Aren’t you proud of your heritage?”

Guide: “If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t work as a guide, but what does that have to do with anything?”

Boy: *Shaking his head* “Never mind, then.”

The guide shrugs and carries on as usual. When we all get back to the hotel, I approach the boy.

Me: “What were you trying to ask to [Guide]? I’m not sure I understood your train of thought.”

Boy: “I wanted to visit the Roman reservation, that’s all, but apparently Italians are too racist to treat the Romans any better.”

Me: “But Italians are descended from the Romans; how’s that even possible?”

Boy: “Explain yesterday’s protest, then.”

He then went on ranting about racism and cultural appropriation. I tried to look up the protest he was talking about, but, as it turned out, it was the 21st of April, which is Rome’s birthday, and has a parade of Roman-era reenactors going down the streets around the Colosseum. But I still don’t understand how he could even think Romans were still existing as a separate population!

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Wish You Could Have Taken A Photo Of His Face

, , , , | Right | February 24, 2021

I’ve been the official photographer of a local racetrack for several years. Usually, a pilot can buy all the photos of his track day for thirty euros or a single picture for ten euros. This particular client has been very annoying, asking for his photos many times during the day, complaining about the quality, and being very rude to my coworkers.

After a long time in my shop, he selects five pictures out of eighty. We say that he could save twenty euros by buying the full service, but he refuses. He ends up buying five single pictures for fifty euros.

When he exits my office with the receipt, he realizes that he has done a very stupid thing. He asks me if he can talk with my boss about that.

My boss just says, “You’ve just done it, and I’m sorry. We can’t do anything.”

Karma feels good.

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Blame The Smoke Inhalation

, , | Right | February 23, 2021

I’m at a tobacconist and I’m the dumb customer in this one. To top it, I know the owner well.

Me: “Hi, two 16€ stamps, please, and I’ll need a receipt.”

The owner wraps the stamps and the receipt in an envelope and hands it to me.

Owner: “Here you are.”

Me: “Thanks, how much is it?”

Owner: “…”

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