This Family Needs To Get All Their Ducks In A Row

, , , | Legal | August 26, 2018

(I am in a farmyard, waiting to buy some vegetables directly from the farmer. A mother and a child are also waiting to be served. Their family has a reputation for being not quite law-abiding.)

Child: *pointing out at a duck passing by with her duckling* “Mummy! Look at the pretty duckies! Look at the pretty duckies!”

Mother: “Yes, love, they’re pretty, aren’t they?”

(The farmer’s wife catches one of the ducklings and offers it to the child for holding. The kid, of course, is beyond himself with joy and pets the duckling while the mother does her shopping. Once she’s done…)

Mother: “Love, put the ducky down; it’s time to go.”

Child: *after putting the duckling back on the ground* “Mummy, can we come and take them later tonight?”

(The mother turned bright red and left rather quickly!)

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When Mansplaining Is Just Not Enough…

, , , , | Related | August 23, 2018

(My husband is prone to explaining things at length to our ten-year-old daughter, even in reply to simple questions. We’ve called the phenomenon “Dadsplaining.” Tonight, he’s snacking on chips after dinner and the dog starts to beg for one.)

Husband: “No, [Dog], I’m not going to give you chips. They’re bad for you. Plus, I already gave you dinner. You had a quarter-pound of minced meat, a boiled egg…”

Me: “Oh, my God, he’s Dadsplaining the dog now! [Daughter], pack a suitcase and run!

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Shrinking Violet Shrank Too Much

, , , , | Friendly | August 3, 2018

(I’m a 5’1″ female who is often mistaken for being younger than I am. I tend to easily blush when I have to correct people, since I don’t like point out that they are wrong. I go to a bar that specialises in beers with my boyfriend and his family. Since I don’t drink beer I ask for a cider. At first the bartenders don’t know what that is but after a while conclude that they don’t serve it. They then try to serve me tequila but I kindly decline due to it only being around 4:00 pm. They continue with showing me their drinks list. One of the bartenders tries to make small-talk:)

Bartender: “How old are you? 17?”

Me: *face turning red* “No, I’m 27.”

Bartender: “NO! You can’t be. You look so young!”

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Yes, she is 27.”

Bartender: “Well, then you definitely can have a drink.”

(I don’t know why they tried to serve me both tequila and drinks if they thought that I was underage. As a bonus, later that night at a restaurant…)

Waiter: “How many are you? Five?”

Me: *standing behind my 6’1″ boyfriend* “Six!”

(The waiter hadn’t seen me standing there. That day I went from being adult, to underage, to non-existing.)

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This Call Is Not Their Calling

, , | Right | July 19, 2018

(Receiving an inbound call:)

Me: “Good morning. I’m [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Client: “Hey, can I have your number so I can call you back?”

Me: “Well, sir, you are calling right now.”

Client: “Yeah, but can have the number?”

(A moment of silence…)

Me: “Yes, of course!”

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Doesn’t Know Numbers Or Words

, , , , | Learning | July 9, 2018

(Our math teacher is on maternity leave and we have a substitute. We’ve had multiple occasions to doubt his skills, but the test he assigns is the last straw. The test consists of four exercises, of which one is marked “optional.”)

Student: “Excuse me, prof, I have a question regarding how you graded the test. Those who did any two exercises and the fourth one got a passing grade, and those who did the first three exercises failed. Why would you do that?”

Teacher: *looks at student as if he never saw a weirder animal* “Isn’t it obvious? The fourth exercise is optional!”

(More students start voicing their opinion, until the teacher has had enough.)

Teacher: “Cut this out! What’s so hard to understand? The exercise is worth four points because it’s more difficult than the others, and I marked it ‘optional’ because you were supposed to solve it!”

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