When Mansplaining Is Just Not Enough…

, , , , | Related | August 23, 2018

(My husband is prone to explaining things at length to our ten-year-old daughter, even in reply to simple questions. We’ve called the phenomenon “Dadsplaining.” Tonight, he’s snacking on chips after dinner and the dog starts to beg for one.)

Husband: “No, [Dog], I’m not going to give you chips. They’re bad for you. Plus, I already gave you dinner. You had a quarter-pound of minced meat, a boiled egg…”

Me: “Oh, my God, he’s Dadsplaining the dog now! [Daughter], pack a suitcase and run!

Shrinking Violet Shrank Too Much

, , , , , | Friendly | August 3, 2018

(I’m a 5’1″ female who is often mistaken for being younger than I am. I tend to easily blush when I have to correct people, since I don’t like point out that they are wrong. I go to a bar that specialises in beers with my boyfriend and his family. Since I don’t drink beer I ask for a cider. At first the bartenders don’t know what that is but after a while conclude that they don’t serve it. They then try to serve me tequila but I kindly decline due to it only being around 4:00 pm. They continue with showing me their drinks list. One of the bartenders tries to make small-talk:)

Bartender: “How old are you? 17?”

Me: *face turning red* “No, I’m 27.”

Bartender: “NO! You can’t be. You look so young!”

Boyfriend’s Mother: “Yes, she is 27.”

Bartender: “Well, then you definitely can have a drink.”

(I don’t know why they tried to serve me both tequila and drinks if they thought that I was underage. As a bonus, later that night at a restaurant…)

Waiter: “How many are you? Five?”

Me: *standing behind my 6’1″ boyfriend* “Six!”

(The waiter hadn’t seen me standing there. That day I went from being adult, to underage, to non-existing.)

This Call Is Not Their Calling

, , , | Right | July 19, 2018

(Receiving an inbound call:)

Me: “Good morning. I’m [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Client: “Hey, can I have your number so I can call you back?”

Me: “Well, sir, you are calling right now.”

Client: “Yeah, but can have the number?”

(A moment of silence…)

Me: “Yes, of course!”

Doesn’t Know Numbers Or Words

, , , , | Learning | July 9, 2018

(Our math teacher is on maternity leave and we have a substitute. We’ve had multiple occasions to doubt his skills, but the test he assigns is the last straw. The test consists of four exercises, of which one is marked “optional.”)

Student: “Excuse me, prof, I have a question regarding how you graded the test. Those who did any two exercises and the fourth one got a passing grade, and those who did the first three exercises failed. Why would you do that?”

Teacher: *looks at student as if he never saw a weirder animal* “Isn’t it obvious? The fourth exercise is optional!”

(More students start voicing their opinion, until the teacher has had enough.)

Teacher: “Cut this out! What’s so hard to understand? The exercise is worth four points because it’s more difficult than the others, and I marked it ‘optional’ because you were supposed to solve it!”

When Working Isn’t Working

, , , | | Working | May 29, 2018

(Our company needs a few more hands, and we hire some new workers who have left their CV with us. We take care of all the paperwork, have a specialised doctor visit them, take their measurements, hand out working clothes and PPE, arrange a 12-hour safety course, take their pictures, and obtain access badges for the shipyard. The process takes about a week. Finally, they’re all set for their first day of actual work. Right before lunch break, one of them is back in the office, in civvies, with his working clothes in a bundle under his arm. He drops it on a bench.)

Worker: “I realised I’m not cut out for this job.”

(He just turned and leaved. My colleague screamed.)

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