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Blue Collar Sees Red

, , | Working | September 9, 2017

(I have graduated from university, and I now work doing non-destructive controls in industry. Today, I’m working with a colleague who holds a degree in engineering. We’re doing some testing in a district heating station, in the middle of a high-rise building area. For health and safety reasons, we’re donning hardhats, disposable overalls, and safety boots. A middle-aged woman passes by, with her grandson in tow.)

Grandmother: “See? You need to study and get good grades, otherwise you’ll end up a blue collar worker like them!”

Nazis Should Be On Everyone’s S***-List

, , , , | Related | September 7, 2017

(I’m driving my nine-year-old daughter. My daughter asks me to play the soundtrack quiz game. She hasn’t seen many of the movies in the game, she only knows the music. English isn’t our first language.)

Me: *hums the theme from “Schindler’s List”*

Daughter: “I KNOW THAT ONE! S***-LIST!”

My Moon And My Stars

, , , | Romantic | September 4, 2017

(I’m swapping silly “I love yous” with my significant other:)

Me: “Also, I earths you.”

Me: “…and moons…”

Me: “…and other assorted celestial bodies.”

Significant Other: “You moons me?”

Me: “Uh… that was maybe poorly phrased.”

The Leaning Tower Of Dubai Sounds More Worrying

, , , , , , | Working | July 31, 2017

(I am originally from Italy and moved to Dubai around four years ago. I have an Italian credit card that I only use when travelling or if there is some kind of emergency. My local debit card got stolen, and until I have a new one, I need to get some cash from my credit card. The ATM tells me that the card has been blocked and I need to contact my bank. So I do. After going through all the verification, the call center agent asks me how he can help me and I explain the story.)

Me: “So, I would just need you to unblock my credit card, because there is no ‘suspicious activity.’ It was just me.”

Agent: “Unfortunately, once the card is blocked, I cannot unblock it. You will need to go to your bank and request a new one.”

Me: “But I can’t. I don’t live in Italy anymore.” *quickly thinking about the possibilities I have* “But it’s okay; I will send my mum to the bank.”

Agent: “All right, and just so it doesn’t happen anymore, is it all right if I update your address?”

Me: “That would be great. I live at [address], in Dubai.”

Agent: “I am sorry, where?”

Me: “In Dubai. UAE.”

Agent: “Could you spell that for me?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Umm, that’s D-U-B-A-I.”

Agent: “What region is that in?”

Me: “It’s a city in the UAE.”

Agent: “Yes, but what region? Tuscany, Emilia-Romagna…?”

Me: “Never mind. I will ask my mother to do it at the bank. Thank you very much.”

(It was eventually changed, but I could just not wrap my head around how after the entire conversation I had and all the information he got on his screen, he still thought I was in Italy. And he had never heard of Dubai or the UAE.)


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Armed With A Comeback

, , | Related | June 13, 2017

(As my dad is getting older, his eyesight is getting slightly worse, meaning he is starting to be unable to read things that are too close to him. We start noticing it when he reads the newspaper and has to hold it further and further away from his face.)

Mum: “Maybe it’s time for you to get glasses?”

Dad: “No!”

Mum: “Well, it’s normal for people our age to have problems with their eyes.” *my mum wears glasses for one or two years already*

Dad: “My eyes are just fine! But my arms are getting shorter!”