Chocolate Cures All

, , , | | Hopeless | May 24, 2018

(A customer approaches and asks for the tax-free service we do to non-EU customers. He’s very happy and nice, and he makes jokes and laughs all the time. The transaction is almost done when he asks:)

Customer: “You both look tired! How long have you been there?”

Colleague: “She’s here since 3:00 pm; I’m here since 11:00 am.”

Customer: “NO WAY! Is that why you’re drinking hot chocolate?”

Me: “Yes! And tomorrow I get her shift, and I’m going to stay here from 11:00 am to 7:00 pm.”

Customer: “OH! You get the bad shift tomorrow! I’ll be back, then!”

Me: *joking* “Then bring chocolate!”

Customer: “Sure! See you tomorrow”

(The customer doesn’t come back, and I forget about him. A few days later, in the same location…)

Customer: “Here you are! We’ve been looking for you for two days; we came with chocolate, but you weren’t there! What time do you close?”

Me: “8:30 pm.”

Customer: “I’ll be back before you close!”

(He actually came back with a chocolate pastry, hugged me, and said goodbye! He was one of the most pleasant customers I’ve ever had! Thank you, happy guy!)

Unfiltered Story #110709

, | Unfiltered | May 16, 2018

(My husband is working as a cashier and the store has a promotion going on. Near the end of his shift, a foreign customer comes in with a huge amount of shopping, which entitles her to nearly twenty coupons, but she doesn’t want any. My husband is also ordered to close and count his till. This leaves him in an awkward position as the number of coupons has to match the sum of all transactions. Since the final prizes are potentially large, he has to treat the coupons as if they were cash: he cannot destroy, pocket or hand them off, but whoever wrote the rules clearly did not think of all the possibilities. My husband goes to the help desk to get instructions, but get passed from manager to manager since no one wants to take responsibility. Finally someone comes up with a definitive solution: hand over the coupons to the store manager.)

Husband: “The store manager? Over a bunch of worthless coupons? She may not even be in the office now!”

Manager: “I know, but I cannot accept them. We must follow the regulations.”

Husband: “Well, if you say so… my shift ended fifteen minutes ago, and I’m not supposed to wear my uniform in the store when I’m off duty. Toodle-oo.”

(Leaves the coupons on the desk, heads for the locker room.)

Eww-ro

, , , | Right | April 26, 2018

(Two men come to my till and start negotiating the price for 1000 USD converted into Euro. They negotiate A LOT, and they try to be funny and flatter me, but the only result is that they look like douchebags that want to convince me to make a better price. I stand firm on a minimum amount that I know I’m allowed to make to guarantee the company a little income from the transaction.)

Me: “It’s 873€.”

Customer: “Okay. Let me take the money.”

(They talk to each other in their language, laughing.)

Customer: “You said 923€, right?”

Me: “No, sir, I said 873€.”

Customer: “Come on; do 875€!”

Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry. But if you want to change here, right now, this is the price I can offer. It’s already very discounted, and I can’t give you one euro more.”

Customer: “Ugh, it’s just 2€ difference.” *then he says in a VERY cheesy way* “Are all Italian women this hard?”

Me: *showing off my wedding band and without skipping a beat* “Yes. Especially those who are married.”

Customer: “Uh… That was a good one.”

(They got their money and took off.)

This Joke Is At Least Ten Years Old

, , , | Right | April 15, 2018

(At the time of the story, my future husband and I are still attending university, and we are regulars at the little cafe in the engineering building. Today, I’m particularly hungry.)

Bartender: “G’day. What will you be having?”

Me: “A coffee and one of those…” *pointing at the kourabiedes* “…what’s their name, here.”

Bartender: *offended* “What do you mean, ‘What’s their name’? We’ve had them for ten years, and…”

Husband: “What? We don’t want ten-year-old pastries, man; we want fresh ones!”

(And that’s how we were never allowed into that cafe again.)

 

Snakes In A Drain

, , , , , | Friendly | April 13, 2018

When I was 16, I had the opportunity to go on a multi-city European trip with two of my best friends, their parents, and a few other adults. One friend was my age, and her younger sister was 13. We arrived in Rome during the first leg of the trip and went straight to the hotel, since it was already pretty late. The younger sister called dibs on using the shower first. So, the older sister and I decided to turn the TV on to find a weather report for the next day. This was before smartphones, and there was no guest-use computer in the hotel that we knew of.

When we turned the TV on, it happened to be on a channel showing an Italian-dubbed version of the 1997 movie Anaconda, right at a part when the giant snake pops out of the water hissing and people start shouting, etc. Next thing we knew, we heard [Younger Sister] screaming her head off in the bathroom. She came running out, soaking wet and barely holding a towel over herself, screaming, “There’s a snake in the bathroom!”

The older sister and I looked at each other, and then we looked at the TV. I ran into the bathroom, and sure enough, there was a speaker in the ceiling that could have easily been mistaken for an air vent. The previous occupant had also apparently turned the volume all the way up.

I laughed so hard I cried, and the older sister practically rolled off the bed. [Younger Sister] was pretty mad at us, even though we had no way of knowing there was a speaker in the bathroom or that Anaconda would be the first thing on TV when we turned it on, but she didn’t speak to us again until the next day.

We’re all now in our 20s, and I recently reminded both of them about that story. The younger sister can laugh about it now!

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