Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

, , , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2019

This was told to me by a friend. This friend of mine lost his grandmother earlier this week, and five months ago lost his mother.

Two days after his grandmother died, his regional manager, who was visiting his branch, said this to his face: “Aren’t you happy? Now you have fewer family members who can die.” Later, she justified herself saying she was just kidding. Strangely enough, my friend didn’t find it funny and answered in quite colorful language.

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You Can Hear The Bells Of Bow From Saint Peter’s

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 10, 2019

(My wife and I are on our honeymoon and have just finished a tour of the Vatican. We are making our way through people trying to join the entry queue. I try to speak — bad — Italian, complete with accent, and weave through the crowds, wife in tow. I am over six feet tall and from London, and I have my arm out to part the crowd.)

Me: “Scusi… Scusi… Prego… Scusi.”

(I spot some British tourists up ahead trying to join the back of the line by climbing over the barrier, rather unsuccessfully. I keep an eye out, prepared for the inevitable.)

Me: “Scusi… Prego…”

(I drop into a thick London accent with no time to deal with idiots.)

Me: “COMING THROUGH, MATE!”

(The family parted faster than the Red Sea as we came through, my wife laughing her head off!)

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Main Street Is For Squares

, , , , | Right | February 20, 2019

(I am walking when a couple of Americans approach me, clearly annoyed.)

Male Tourist: “Where is the main street?”

Me: “Well, in Italy we do not have a main street as you have in the States. We have a main square, usually, but if you’re searching for—“

Male Tourist: “What do you mean, you don’t have a main street?!”

Me: “I mean that if you’re searching for [Famous Shopping Street], I’ll be glad to give you the indications, but it’s not a main street. The city centre is collocated around [Main Square].”

Male Tourist: “Well, that’s stupid!”

Me: “No, it’s not. It’s just different from the United States.”

Female Tourist: *huffing* “You all should learn from us, you know? A main square makes no sense at all.”

Me: *starting to be a little annoyed at this point* “Whatever. This is how things work here.”

Male Tourist: “Well, it’s still stupid. We do things much better in our country.”

Me: *deciding to leave* “With all due respect, you elected Donald Trump. Good luck!”

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Unfiltered Story #139474

, , | Unfiltered | February 12, 2019

(I am a customer at a restaurant in Venice, Italy. I hear this exchange between two other customers, a pair of British tourists.)
Tourist #1: This is just terrible. The lack of English food in this city is disturbing.
Tourist #2: Such savages. Do they really expect civilized people to eat Italian food?
(They were met with dirty looks from just about every other English speaker in the restaurant)

We Know Zip About That

, , , | Right | February 5, 2019

(I’m working in a store that sells printer cartridges, toner, and the like. On all the walls are toner and cartridges, there is a printer on a stand just on my left, and there’s a TV screen right behind me that shows our offers and services. I have four customers in line. I finish talking to [Customer #1] about the cartridges for his and his wife’s printers, and he pays and leaves.)

Customers #2 and #3: “Hello. We have a projector and we need this cable.”

Me: “Have you tried going to an electronic store? We only sell printer cartridges and the like.”

Customers #2 and #3: “Ah, okay, sorry.”

(I direct them to a couple of electronic stores around here and they leave. In all of this, [Customer #4] has been looking around the store and probably hearing everything.)

Customer #4: “Hello. I’m searching for a shirt with a zip on the front”

Me: “Have you tried going to a clothing store? We…”

Customer #4: “Yes, but they told me to came here, to the bike store.”

Me: “The bike store is on that corner there.” *points in the direction* “We sell printer cartridges.”

Customer #4: “Oh! Really? Thank you!” *goes, after looking around once more*

(Nobody was rude or anything, but seriously, A BIKE STORE?)

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