Armed With A Comeback

, , | Related | June 13, 2017

(As my dad is getting older, his eyesight is getting slightly worse, meaning he is starting to be unable to read things that are too close to him. We start noticing it when he reads the newspaper and has to hold it further and further away from his face.)

Mum: “Maybe it’s time for you to get glasses?”

Dad: “No!”

Mum: “Well, it’s normal for people our age to have problems with their eyes.” *my mum wears glasses for one or two years already*

Dad: “My eyes are just fine! But my arms are getting shorter!”

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A Kiss Can Take You To Many Places

, , | Friendly | June 2, 2017

(A couple of years ago, when I am around 21, I am working at the company that provides public transportation (buses and trains) in my region. I work at the office. My dad is a bus driver for the same company. One of the perks of working there is that we can travel for free on our buses and trains. One day, it just happens that my dad is the driver of the bus I’m taking. I get on, give him a quick kiss on the cheek, and sit down behind him. The middle aged man behind me gets on, looks at my dad, confused, and asks:)

Passenger: “Do we all have to do this to travel for free or can I just pay for my ticket?”

(My dad and I burst out laughing and explained that I was in fact his daughter, but the look on his face was just priceless. Still makes me giggle years later.)

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Intolerant Of Your Gluten-Tolerance

, , , , | Working | April 8, 2017

(I’m ten, and have been diagnosed celiac for two years. The first gluten-free certified pizza place has opened in my city, and as an Italian, it’s quite a big deal for me to be able to eat non-frozen pizza again. I’m still afraid it won’t taste any good so my father orders a gluten-free pizza, too, to keep me company. The waitress has taken our food orders and is asking about the drinks.)

Dad: “I’ll have a medium blonde beer.”

Waitress: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t serve any gluten-free beers.”

Dad: “Oh, it’s not a problem; I didn’t want one. I’ll have a normal one.”

Waitress: “It has gluten in it. It’s harmful for you.”

Dad: “Ah, no, I’m not Celiac.” *points at me* “She is. I just want to know how her pizza tastes like.”

Waitress: *raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing him* “Sorry, sir, but I can’t serve you a beer! You can’t drink it!”

Dad: *in a very sarcastic voice* “Okay, not a problem. I’ll drink nothing; however, my wife will have a Radler AND a medium blonde beer.”


(The pizza was very good, but surprisingly, we didn’t come back!)

This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

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Doesn’t Know Wheat You Mean, Part 2

, , , , | Working | June 20, 2016

(It’s about eight years ago and I am Celiac, which is almost unheard of. There are few foods that never have gluten, and many that may have it, so I never bother to ask when I eat in restaurants and just assume I can’t eat it. I have just finished a steak with a salad.)

Dad: “Are you sure you don’t want any dessert? The ice cream should be gluten-free, and also the meringue cake.”

Me: “It’s too cold for the ice cream, and the meringue may get contaminated in the kitchen. I’m fine.”

Dad: “Nonsense! I’ll just ask a waiter if the cake is gluten-free.” *calls a waiter* “Excuse me, do you know if the meringue contains any gluten?”

Waiter: *without missing a beat* “I don’t know, sir, but I can ask the kitchen if they can add it for you.”

Dad: *struggling to keep a straight face* “Uh, thanks.”

(The poor overworked waiter heard an ingredient that he didn’t know and offered to add it just for us! Now, every time I ask if something is gluten-free, my father offers to add it for me.)

This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

Read the next Celiac Awareness Day roundup story!

Read the Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

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A Fuelish Thing To Do

, , , | Right | May 27, 2013

(It’s a particularly cold evening. I’m chatting with a regular while filling his tank.)

Regular: “It’s so cold today; you know what you should do?”

Me: “What?”

Regular: “You should take a barrel, put it in the middle of the pumps, fill it with wood, then light it up to warm the place.”

Me: “…I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Regular: “Why not?”

Me: “Because I don’t want to die.”

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