Take The Money And Run

, , , | Right | September 15, 2017

(Overnight, the shop is closed, and you can fill up by paying card or cash at the automatic pump. An angry customer comes into the gas station.)

Cashier: “Good morning, sir.”

Customer: “You f****** thieves! Last night I was here and that g**-d*** machine stole my 20 euros!”

Cashier: “Do you have the receipt from the pump?”

Customer: “No, I was in a hurry; I couldn’t wait for the f****** receipt!”

Cashier: “Let me get the manager.”

Manager: “Good morning, sir. The cashier explained to me that you paid 20 euros without filling up and that you have no receipt. Normally, it would be a problem, but I can check on the system if there is a difference between the amount paid and the gas sold, and very likely I’ll find the amount you paid. Unfortunately, I have to wait until this evening, so if you could wait until tomorrow, I’ll have your money ready first thing in the morning.”

Customer: “F*** OFF! GOT NO TIME FOR YOUR LAME EXCUSES! I WANT MY MONEY NOW!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but—”

Customer: “THAT’S IT! I’M CALLING THE COPS!”

(Once the police came, it turned out that the angry customer was a foreigner with an expired visa, so he was promptly handcuffed and placed in the back of the police cruiser. The kicker? That same evening, the 20 euros he claimed he paid without filling up turned out… if only he was a little patient, he could have walked off with his money.)

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Blue Collar Sees Red

, , | Working | September 9, 2017

(I have graduated from university, and I now work doing non-destructive controls in industry. Today, I’m working with a colleague who holds a degree in engineering. We’re doing some testing in a district heating station, in the middle of a high-rise building area. For health and safety reasons, we’re donning hardhats, disposable overalls, and safety boots. A middle-aged woman passes by, with her grandson in tow.)

Grandmother: “See? You need to study and get good grades, otherwise you’ll end up a blue collar worker like them!”

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Nazis Should Be On Everyone’s S***-List

, , , , | Related | September 7, 2017

(I’m driving my nine-year-old daughter. My daughter asks me to play the soundtrack quiz game. She hasn’t seen many of the movies in the game, she only knows the music. English isn’t our first language.)

Me: *hums the theme from “Schindler’s List”*

Daughter: “I KNOW THAT ONE! S***-LIST!”

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My Moon And My Stars

, , , | Romantic | September 4, 2017

(I’m swapping silly “I love yous” with my significant other:)

Me: “Also, I earths you.”

Me: “…and moons…”

Me: “…and other assorted celestial bodies.”

Significant Other: “You moons me?”

Me: “Uh… that was maybe poorly phrased.”

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The Leaning Tower Of Dubai Sounds More Worrying

, , , , , , | Working | July 31, 2017

(I am originally from Italy and moved to Dubai around four years ago. I have an Italian credit card that I only use when travelling or if there is some kind of emergency. My local debit card got stolen, and until I have a new one, I need to get some cash from my credit card. The ATM tells me that the card has been blocked and I need to contact my bank. So I do. After going through all the verification, the call center agent asks me how he can help me and I explain the story.)

Me: “So, I would just need you to unblock my credit card, because there is no ‘suspicious activity.’ It was just me.”

Agent: “Unfortunately, once the card is blocked, I cannot unblock it. You will need to go to your bank and request a new one.”

Me: “But I can’t. I don’t live in Italy anymore.” *quickly thinking about the possibilities I have* “But it’s okay; I will send my mum to the bank.”

Agent: “All right, and just so it doesn’t happen anymore, is it all right if I update your address?”

Me: “That would be great. I live at [address], in Dubai.”

Agent: “I am sorry, where?”

Me: “In Dubai. UAE.”

Agent: “Could you spell that for me?”

Me: *dumbfounded* “Umm, that’s D-U-B-A-I.”

Agent: “What region is that in?”

Me: “It’s a city in the UAE.”

Agent: “Yes, but what region? Tuscany, Emilia-Romagna…?”

Me: “Never mind. I will ask my mother to do it at the bank. Thank you very much.”

(It was eventually changed, but I could just not wrap my head around how after the entire conversation I had and all the information he got on his screen, he still thought I was in Italy. And he had never heard of Dubai or the UAE.)


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