(It is near New Year’s Eve 1985. I am eight years old.)

Me: “Dad, when the year changes from 1999 to 2000, will you let me stay up until midnight on New Year’s Eve?”

Dad: “You’ll be 25 then; you won’t need my permission.”

(I’m stunned; it’s the first time I really face the fact that I’ll actually be an adult one day, so I remember the incident well. Fast forward to near New Year’s Eve 2000, and I am 25 and living with my girlfriend. I am chatting with my dad over the phone.)

Me: “Hey, do you remember when I was a child, and asked you about staying up late on New Year’s Eve 2000?”

(I proceed to remind him, and he laughs.)

Me: “…well?”

Dad: “Well what?”

Me: “Well, can I stay up until midnight?”

Dad: “Okay, just since you asked, then NO! I want you in bed and ready for story-time by 8:30!”

(I am a South African working at a hotel restaurant in Israel. The establishment has both servers and guests from all over the world. Generally, people are interested in finding out where people are from and why they’re here. One day, I am clearing a table for an American couple.)

Me: “Shalom! I hope you enjoyed your meal. May I take your plates?”

Husband: “Yes, please. It was great.”

Wife: “Hey, you sound weird. Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from South Africa.”

Wife: “Really?! South Africa… where is that?”

Me: “Err…”

Husband: *embarrassed* “Honey, it’s in Africa. If you look at a map, it’s right down at the bottom.”

Wife: “Oh…” *blank look* “Oh! Kangaroos, right?”

Husband: “Err…” *looks at me apologetically*

Me: *just smiles* “I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay!”

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(I have just noticed that a fire has broken out in the woods across from my house, and call 102, the Israeli fire emergency number.)

Automated Message: “Thank you for calling the fire department. If you know your party’s extension, you may dial it at any time.”

Me: “Okay…”

Automated Message: “For emergencies, press 1.”

(I press 1. The phone rings for a short time, and then…)

Automated Message: “The extension you dialed is not available. Please hang up and try again later.” *click*

(I end up calling the police instead.)

(A man walks in with a parrot sitting on his shoulder.)

Customer: “Hello!”

Me: “Hi!”

Customer: “I would like one bun with sunflower seeds!”

Me: “Here you go.”

(The customer pays and takes the bun. He then takes off the sunflower seeds and feeds them to his parrot.)

Me: *laughing* “Bon appetite!”

Customer: “Thank you!” *to the parrot* “Say thank you!”

Parrot: “Thank you.”

Me: “You’re very welcome!”

((The customer leaves, still feeding the seeds to his parrot. A few minutes later he comes back with the bun, which is now completely seed free.)

Customer: “Do you have a trash can? I don’t need it any more.”

Me: “Ah… sure, give it here.”

Customer: “Very good! Goodbye!” *to the parrot* “Say goodbye to the girl!”

Parrot: “Bye bye!”

(They both leave, having seriously made my day.)

Customer: “Hello, I’m calling to make sure that my flight back to Israel departs as scheduled, and that my request for a kosher meal has been approved.”

Me: “Sir, your ticket has already expired. Your flight was on May 15th.”

Customer: “What?!? That’s not possible! I am absolutely sure that my flight is on May 29th!”

Me: “Sir, have you perhaps changed your ticket’s return date?”

Customer: “No way! I would remember that! I’m not senile. My flight is on May 29th and I did not change my ticket!”

Me: “The computer says your flight was on May 15th. Could you look at the printout of your ticket and tell me what date appears there?”

Customer: “Oh, my God…”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “I forgot! I completely forgot! I am calling you from Netanya! I already am back in Israel!”