I used to work for a large Internet provider. One day, I got a call from a man who was unable to access the Internet. While doing the normal troubleshooting, I happened to ask him how the weather was — you know, just filling some dead air.

Customer: “We had a storm last night.” *Pauses* “Never mind. I just looked outside. I’m not worried about the Internet; there’s a car flipped upside down in my backyard.”

When my husband and I moved into our new home, I contacted the only Internet provider available in our area to get set up. Everything went smoothly until I received our first bill and saw they misspelled my first name by adding in an E — for example, Sareah instead of Sarah.

I called in to have it corrected.

Me: “Hi, I noticed my name was misspelled on my statement and would like to have it corrected.”

Internet Company: “Unfortunately, we cannot correct it over the phone. You will need to drive to one of our store locations and show your ID to prove it is spelled wrong.”

Me: “But you guys just put in an extra E. It should be Sarah, not Sareah.”

Internet Company: “Sorry, there is nothing I can do. Would you like me to look up a location closest to you?”

Me: *Still confused* “Ugh, sure.”

They told me the closest store was one hour away in the opposite direction I usually travelled in.

Me: “Okay, so just let me get this all straight. When I set up my account, your company misspelled my name, and now, due to your company’s mistake, I need to take time out of my day and drive an hour out of my way to correct it?”

Internet Company: “Yes.”

Me: “Thank you. Have a nice day.”

I will be Sareah now until the day I die.

I have worked in retention, first-party collections, and accounts receivable for a rural Internet provider for seven years now. I consistently get 100s on quality assurance calls. They even use my calls as training material. However, I have a unique voice. Customers tell me all the time I should do radio, be an announcer, or should be a game show host. It isn’t just me on the phone; this is me in casual conversation, as well.

Today, however, I get a call from my manager telling me she has a sensitive matter she needs to discuss with me. One of the owners of the company advised her that he doesn’t think that my voice jibes with the view the company wants to project of itself. As I said, we’re a rural Internet company. Our clientele is basically lower -to middle-class rural folks in Texas. He told her to tell me I need to change my voice but didn’t give any specifics.

I asked if it was my tone. No, apparently, it’s great because I’m upbeat and show a willingness to help. Is it my talking speed? No, my speed tends to match the customers’. Maybe my cadence? “I don’t know,” but it needs to change, apparently.

I have been here for seven years, and only now does it become a problem. I am furious. I am absolutely livid. I am also mildly embarrassed, because I know I’m different. I shouldn’t be embarrassed, but it’s hard not to feel this way. I was already planning to abandon the ship, but it seems the timetable has been sped up. After dealing with horrible callers, incompetent rotating management, inconceivable rule changes, and an overall poor experience, this is just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Many years ago, I was working in the complaints department for a telco and Internet service provider. I did both outbound complaints and transfer escalations.

I had a call come through the transferring agent, who would give a warm handover and explain a brief summary before introducing the customer to me.

Agent: “Hey, [My Name], this customer wants to complain. I literally have no idea what to do or how to explain this, but the guy’s really not happy.”

Me: “It’s fine, just put them through.” *Beep* “Hello, this is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Caller: “Well, maybe you could tell me how I’m talking to you if I’m dead?”

Me: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah, you idiots have cut off everything and said that I’m dead, so now my phone’s not working. I’m clearly not dead. What are you gonna do about this?”

Me: “I’m sure this is a mistake. Can you give me a minute? I’ll see what’s going on.”

I placed him on hold. Yep, sure enough, his account had been removed, his mobile disconnected, and his file tagged as deceased only two hours earlier. I could see that it was a call made by his daughter.

I took him off hold.

Me: “I’m not sure how to tell you this, sir, but we got a call from [Daughter] two hours ago to advise that you were deceased, and we organised your service disconnection.”

Caller: “SHE F*****’ DID WHAT?! ME?! DEAD?! How do I fix this?”

Me: “Luckily, this was only just done and I can reverse it, but whilst I’m at it, I think it might be wise to remove your daughter from your account so she is unable to make any further changes.”

Caller: “Yeah, no s***.”

I started processing his reconnection.

Caller: “I grounded my daughter last night so she couldn’t go to a party. This must have been her revenge plan.”

I laughed.

Me: “You might want to call around and see what else you can reconnect from beyond the grave!”

I recently bought my first house. I contacted an Internet company to provide me with Internet. They had to bring new cables to my house from the service box. Because of the way our neighborhood is set up, my service box is in my neighbor’s backyard. They used bright orange cables and promised that the cables would be buried in a week.

Two months later, they are still not buried. Then, the neighbor runs over them with his lawnmower.

I call into support. After going through an automated menu, I’m put on hold. It’s about 15:00. At around 17:00, I start making dinner.

About fifteen minutes into dinner prep, I hear the hold music stop.

Employee: “Hello? Are you there?”

I run for my cellphone to answer before they hang up… with a knife still in my hand.

Me: “Hello, I’m aieeeeeeeeeee!”

I scream as I scald myself on the steam coming off of a pot, dropping the knife onto my foot and thus stabbing myself, too.

Employee: “Hello, are you there? If I don’t hear a response soon, I’ll hang up.”

I check the phone; it is on mute.

Employee: “I’m hanging up now.”

Me: “No, no, no, no, no, I’m here! I’m here!”

Employee: “Please come to the phone more rapidly in the future. How can I help?”

I take a moment to grab paper towels for my foot with my scalded hand.

Me: *Hissing quietly* “Ow, f***, f***, ow…”

Employee: “I do not appreciate being spoken to like that. I’m going to hang up if you keep swearing at me.”

Me: “I’m not swearing at you. I dropped a f****** knife on my f****** foot and I’m in f****** pain. It has nothing to do with you. Please don’t hang up on me. I’ve been on hold for two hours and fifteen minu—”

Click. 

Me: “F***.”

I took a moment to clean up and wrap my foot in bandages. Then, I used my phone to go to the company website and ask to discontinue my service. I got a retention call back twenty minutes later.

Client retention services sent someone out to reconnect the line and bury it this time.