Brain Not Listed

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I run tech support for our web hosting system. When a user submits a ticket, the form asks which site they are referring to.)

Customer: “I am looking to gain admin rights. Please send me an update and a possible timeline of when it will be confirmed.”

Me: *checking form to see “Site Not Listed” for the site name* “Thank you for the information, but I need to know the site you are referring to before I can confirm with the authorities that you are to be the new admin.”

Customer: “I need admin rights for our account. The previous admin is no longer here.”

Me: “Again, I need to know which site you are referring to. What is the name of the site as it appears on our system? You indicated “Site Not Listed” on the form and your message does not state which site you are referring to. I need to know the name of the site in order to assist.”

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I just need admin rights!”

Me: “…”

I Swear By My Password

, | TX, USA | Language & Words, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I work for an ISP that also provides e-mail. The phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Provider]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I just got a new computer, and I can’t remember the password to log into my e-mail.”

Me: “I can certainly help you out with that. Give me one moment to bring up your account.”

(I verify some information with her and bring up her info, including her e-mail password. Because of what it is though, I’m having trouble figuring out how to give it to her.)

Me: “Okay… So, I have your password up now. So I just want to be clear that what I’m about to tell you is really what I’m seeing on my screen.”

Customer: “All right.”

Me: “Okay, well, the password is ‘f*** you.'”

(I hear some typing in the background.)

Customer: “Great! That was it! Thank you so much!” *click*

A Storm Of Unreasonableness

| USA | Crazy Requests

(I work for a large ISP taking calls for the whole country. This happens right before one of the big winter storms of the year hits. A customer calls in to verify their appointment.)

Customer: “Yes, I have an appointment for tomorrow and with the snow coming I wanted to know when it would be canceled.”

Me: “Of course, ma’am. Let me pull things up and make sure your appointment is still scheduled for tomorrow. I see no reason why it wouldn’t be since we haven’t received any notices about the storm canceling appointments. ”

(I pull up and verify her account. The appointment is there for the next morning as it should be.)

Me: “Ma’am, your appointment is still scheduled so we do plan to be out there in the morning to install your services.”

Customer: “How will they let me know when it is cancelled?”

(This strikes me as odd because she doesn’t “if” but “when.” She seems very adamant that the appointment will be canceled.)

Me: “If the storm gets bad enough, we will call you. It rarely happens, though, and as I said before we’ve received no notifications that it will.”

Customer: “I have to be in to work tomorrow so I need to know when it will be canceled!”

Me: “It will only be canceled if the storm gets bad enough.”

Customer: “Yes! And when will that be?”

Me: *flabbergasted* “I don’t know, ma’am. Whenever the storm gets bad enough.”

Customer: “Well, you’re no help!” *hangs up*

(First time I’ve ever heard of someone expecting a psychic weather man for the customer service rep!)