Our old basement tenant used to use [Internet Company]. Since they moved out, the new tenants use a different company. However, we keep getting unaddressed letters from the old company. Since l know it’s just advertising, I’m annoyed; I just tear it up and throw it out, and it’s a waste of resources. I decide to call the company and ask to be removed from the mailing list. 

When I call, the guy who answers sounds annoyed. I have to repeat what I’m asking, and he then tells me there is no such list and there’s nothing he can do.

A few months later, I get another envelope. I decide there is no way it’s legal to subscribe an address to a mailing list and not take them off, and I call the company again. 

A gentleman answers, tells me it is a different department, and puts me on a brief hold. He comes back and tells me there is a long wait time and takes care of it himself. The whole thing takes less than five minutes!

I’m scratching my head about the first guy. Did he not understand me, or did he just not want to make the effort to help someone who wasn’t even a customer?!

My Internet provider offers free security software. It’s a low-cost, okay software for PCs. It’s okay, I guess; if you didn’t already have software, I guess it would be useful. But without a PC in the house, it’s of no benefit to us.

We get inundated by emails with reminders to log on and download it. We get reminders on reminders, even a letter sent through, patting themselves on the back for offering it.

Then, I get a phone call.

Caller: “Good morning! This is [Caller] from [Internet Provider]. Is this the bill payer I’m speaking to?”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: “Okay, great. How are you this morning?”

It’s too early for this.

Me: “Yeah, fine. What is this about?”

Caller: “I’ve noticed that you haven’t taken advantage of our fabulous free security software. We’ve formed a partnership with one of the most popular security companies…”

They carry on through a painfully long script.

Me: “Yeah, I’m aware of the offer, but I’m not interested.”

Caller: “But it’s free!”

Me: “Good for you. I still don’t want it. Was there anything else?”

Caller: “I’m sure you can agree that getting a bug would be a tragedy with so much of life these days being virtual. It’s a quick and simple load; just go to your account on the website…”

They drone on through another script.

Me: “I’m sure you’re on some sort of target, but let me make it clear: I don’t want it. I don’t want it, don’t need it. Okay? We don’t have any computers in the house. Even if we did, I wouldn’t use this software, okay?”

Caller: “Well, you could download it to a friend’s PC, as long as you used your sign-in details…”

Me: “I’m hanging up now.”

I’m all for companies providing more for their customers, but forcing it down their throats is new to me. I can only assume that this was only a free trial, or they wanted to make a big deal of providing free stuff to a certain number of their customers.

I used to work for a TV, phone, and Internet provider a good ten years or so ago.

It was one of the best places ever as management didn’t really care and we could get away with all sorts, within reason. To avoid calls going to managers, if a customer requested to escalate, we’d just grab the nearest available agent to take over the call. I remember this one I was asked to take that I enjoyed immensely.

The guy has called for a simple request but point-blank refuses to go through any security questions.

Agent: “I can escalate the call, sir, but the manager will also ask you to go through security before he talks to you.”

The headset gets passed to me.

Me: “Hi, you’re speaking to a manager. Can I start with your account number, name, and address, please?”

Customer: “As I told your subordinate, I am not giving that info. You already have it in your computers.”

Me: “Well, we have no details in front of us. Are you going to provide your account number so we can look up your file?”

Customer: “No, I will not.”

Me: “Then we can’t help you. Goodbye.”

I disconnected the call. I was only in that call center for two years, but it was the best two years in a call center ever.

I work for a large-scale ISP in the United States. I work on anything residential, but I also offer technical support for small businesses and enterprises. This happened around a year ago. I work in the chat department, and I got a chat.

The guy chatted in, gave his details, and stated that he was having speed issues. I looked at his modem. Everything looked fine, so we decided to run a speed test. The speed test indicated that he was getting great speed and had a ping of 10. With modems, any ping from 5 to 50ms is considered great.

Customer: “But I’m lagging in my online games.”

He was hard-wired from his Xbox into the modem. We ran speed tests on the Xbox, as well, and it was showing very similar numbers to what we were getting with his PC.

Me: “There shouldn’t be an issue. You should try rebooting the Xbox or taking it to Microsoft since it’s a third-party device.”

Customer: “No, your connection is the issue, not my Xbox. I want higher ping!”

I explained to him what higher ping would do and that it would make the lag worse, but he didn’t believe me; he was going off what his friends were telling him. I get that in some games, lag can actually help (extremely rare).

Customer: “If you don’t give me higher ping, I’m leaving your company.”

Me: “Would you like to be on a lower plan that will make your ping higher?”

Customer: “Yes!”

We got him from 250mbps download and 10mbps upload to 50mbps download and 5mbps upload. We tested his connection and there was a higher ping due to the number of devices connected. He thanked me, told me I should get a raise, and hung up.

To this day, I still check up on that account every month or so and he has yet to change his speed back to the speed he had before. I guess all he wanted was higher ping after all.

Yesterday, I got a postcard from a “beam” Internet company that deals with rural areas. I have DSL, and while slow, it’s dependable and cheap (for around here) and streams movies and allows most/all Internet stuff.

But this postcard was offering FIFTEEN TIMES the speed for the same price! It looked AWESOME! I decided that I’d give them a shot and pay them for a few months without cutting the DSL to make sure that they were above-board and stable.

I filled out paperwork online. They wanted my name, address, phone number, etc. One question was, “How do you want to be contacted? Email or phone?” I chose email because I hate dealing with voice and I like that email leaves a paper trail. 

Thirty seconds after I hit “submit”, my phone rang. The caller ID said it was the beam Internet company. 

I was torqued. 

Representative: “Did you just submit an inquiry about our service?”

Me: “Yes, I inquired and I specifically stated to contact me by email.”

Representative: “For the initial setup, it has to be voice.”

Me: “I’m no longer interested. If you are going to lie when trying to get customers, what happens next?”

She was surprised and seemed shocked that I wouldn’t talk to her after being deceived. Don’t tell me that we will set this all up online and then call. They haven’t tried calling back, though. 

I’ll stick with my slow-but-very-steady $64/month DSL.