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Swimming In Crocodile Tears

, , , , | Friendly | December 8, 2020

Most people drop their school-age kids off to swim at the community center indoor pool, but I stay to monitor my child. He is in the pool and I am standing on the deck.

A little girl runs over to me, sobbing.

Kid: “Waaaah! I want to swim but I don’t have a bathing suit!”

Me: “I’d like to help you, but I don’t work here. Sorry.”

The kid immediately stops crying and becomes perfectly calm.

Then, she runs over to the lifeguard, sobbing.

Kid: “Waaaah! I want to swim, but I don’t have a bathing suit!”

Quitters Never Win… Unless It’s Pizza?

, , , , | Working | November 26, 2020

I am a shift lead at a pizza place near my home. After some recent changes in management, we’ve lost a lot of staff and our district manager is spending a lot of his time at our store trying to get a sense of order back to things. I come in for my shift at about four to find the store in chaos.

I can see the digital display that shows our delivery drivers’ locations and how many orders are ready to go out. The column with the orders is full, with a scrollbar to one side and times of over an hour on the oldest orders. This is insane, as usually, the lunch rush isn’t too bad, and one driver can handle it.

I find our district manager in the back trying to prep ingredients and run the pizza line at the same time. Without missing a beat, I step in to start making pizzas to set aside until they’re ready to put into the oven.

Me: “What’s going on here?”

District Manager: “The morning driver showed up for his shift, took his first order, and then never came back. The store’s been so busy that I haven’t had time to track the kid down, and I had to call in one of the dinner-time drivers to cover for him. Dough hasn’t been made and ingredients still need to be finished. I want you on the line making pizzas as fast as you can. Prioritize carryout orders; the delivery orders are so backed up that they’ll just get cold if you put them through while the driver is out.”

I set to work, and when the other three drivers arrive for their shifts, we bring things down to a manageable level, though it’s still busy enough for dinner that we don’t have time to find our mysterious missing driver.

At one point during the dinner rush, the district manager’s cell phone goes off and he answers. A look of horror crosses his face for a second and all I can hear is his end of the conversation.

District Manager: “Yes, speaking.” *Pause* “About what?”

There’s another pause, and he huffs out a breath.

District Manager: “We’re actually in the middle of dinner; I’ll call you back when I get the chance.” *Hangs up*

It turns out that the call was from a local news station, asking if he could make a comment. He was so worried they were going to say, “A comment about the teenage delivery driver who crashed and died this morning.” Luckily, they were just asking about our newest advertising campaign we’d started doing throughout the city.

Finally, at about 7:30 at night — more than eight hours after the morning driver vanished — things slow down.

District Manager: “I’ve been here since ten. I’m gonna go find [Driver] and I’ll get back to you.”

An hour later, he walks back into the store and tosses the driver’s cash bag onto the counter. He’s half-laughing and half-shouting as he tells the story.

The first place he checked was the driver’s house. The car was outside, so the district manager went up and knocked. The driver answered the door.

Driver: “Oh, hey, yeah. So, I quit. Here’s your money. Now get off my porch.”

All the employees have gathered to hear the story, and everyone around lets out an audible “Oooooh” as they hear this.

Me: “What about his first order?”

The customers hadn’t ever gotten it and we’d had to refund their money.

District Manager: *Shaking his head* “I asked that before leaving. The little f***er came in, took the first delivery of the day, took it home, and ate it.”

Not Very Closed-Minded, Part 41

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2020

I work in the meat department of a grocery store. It is 9:00 pm, we have just closed, and my coworkers and I are cleaning up and tearing down the equipment for the night.

We notice there is still one lady wandering the aisles, but we think nothing of it as there are often one or two customers finishing up their shopping at that time. At 9:15, I look up to see the lady standing at the counter expecting to be served. My assistant manager and I look at each other and he sighs.

Assistant Manager: “Ma’am, unfortunately, the meat counter has closed.”

Customer: “I want [items].”

Luckily, all she wants are a couple of things and we haven’t yet covered up the meat case for the night.

After she walks away, we continue cleaning. Fast forward to 9:45. An assistant taps me on the shoulder and points towards the aisles. The lady is still wandering around. At this point, it is getting ridiculous, but unfortunately, due to company policy, we are not allowed to ask a customer to leave as long as they enter the store before nine. Apparently, she entered right as the grocery assistant was locking the door.

At ten, the grocery assistant stops by to tell an amazing story:

Grocery Assistant: “The lady finally got around to checking out, halfway through the cashier’s computer auto-shutoff at ten, exactly one hour after we closed. None of us have ever experienced this as the cashier system has never been left on that long before.”

Me: “So what did they do?”

Grocery Assistant: “We’re not allowed to turn the system back on until the next day, so there was nothing we could do! They had to tell the lady that she would not be able to get her groceries that she spent an hour after we closed shopping for. She had a tantrum, screaming about how she has to go to [Big Box Store], and swearing at us all.”

I personally don’t believe in Karma, but if it does exist, this is a perfect example. As I was leaving, she was still in the parking lot bawling, with the assistant there trying to calm her down.

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 40
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 39
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 38
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 37
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 36

All Treat, No Trick, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | October 31, 2020

I am working at the front checkout on Halloween night. A young woman and her young daughter come into the store. The daughter is dressed up as a princess and is obviously in the middle of trick-or-treating.

Mother: “Go ahead!”

Girl: “Trick or treat!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie, but we don’t have any free candy here.”

Girl: *Obviously disappointed* “Oh…”

Man In Line: “You know what, I’ve got it.”

The man in line grabs a full-sized Snickers bar and hands it to me to scan.

Man In Line: “That’s for the princess.”

Girl & Mother: “Thank you!”

Me: “That was really very generous! Thank you so much!”

Man In Line: “It’s a better use of my money than this issue of Concealed Handguns I’m buying!”

All Treat, No Trick

This story is part of our Feel Good roundup for October 2020!

Read the next Feel Good roundup story!

Read the Feel Good roundup for October 2020!

An A-Mall-ing Lack Of Knowledge

, , , | Right | October 24, 2020

I work at a movie theater that’s part of a mall but has no real affiliation with the mall. One day, the phone rings and I answer. I go through my movie theater answer script.

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “What stores are in the mall?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What?”

Caller: “You’re in the mall, right? I tried calling the mall office, but no one answered and I know you’re in the mall, so tell me what stores are there.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I don’t honestly know the names of all the stores here.”

Caller: “Really? But you’re in the mall. Don’t you know everyone there? Shouldn’t you know what stores are there?”

Me: “Well, we are located in the mall, but we’re sort of a separate thing. We’re kind of not part of the mall, actually.”

Caller: “Fine, whatever. Well, what are the mall’s hours?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I really don’t know that, either.”

Caller: “Can you go ask someone, or look somewhere and tell me if there’s a [Store] there?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but I can’t actually leave during my shift.” 

Caller: “You’re stupid. No wonder you work at a movie theater.” *Click*