(I work in a flower shop. It’s a Saturday during prom season, and a lot of people are coming to pick up their flowers. Our first customer of the morning walks up with a huge scowl already on her face.)

Customer: *quiet and unintelligible*

Manager: “Hi! Can I help you?”

Customer: *glaring* “Pickup.”

Manager: “Okay, what name?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

(I go through the stack of order slips looking for hers while my manager goes to the cooler to get her flowers. The customer’s glare intensifies as I flip through the stack as if I’m personally offending her by not instantly producing her slip. My manager returns with the customer’s order. It’s a wrist corsage and boutonniere set, and it’s absolutely beautiful.)

Manager: “Here you are!”

Customer: “I don’t think I like this.”

Manager: “Um—”

Customer: *picks up the gorgeous corsage like it’s a piece of poop and turns up her nose at it* “No, this isn’t what I envisioned at all.”

Manager: “I can definitely fix it for you. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “Did you make this?”

Manager: “Yes, I did.”

Customer: “Are you the person who took my order over the phone?”

Manager: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “Well, this isn’t what I wanted at all.”

Manager: “What would you like me to change? This is the peach and champagne ribbon you told me to use, and these are the types of flowers we talked about, and this is the peach color you wanted for the boutonniere—”

Customer: “Do you have a book I can look at?”

Manager: “No, we don’t.”

Customer: “Well, can you give me some ideas or something?”

Manager: “What don’t you like about it?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I just don’t like it.”

Manager: “I’m trying to help make it what you want.”

Customer: “But you don’t even have a book or anything. I thought it would be a lot bigger than this.”

(The corsage is already bigger than average, something we all remarked on when my manager made it.)

Manager: “I can add more flowers to it, but that will raise the price.”

Customer: “It’s not about the money. I just don’t like it.”

Manager: “If you can tell me what you do want—”

Customer: “You go back to what you were doing when you got here. I need to deal with my feelings for a minute.”

(She then walks two or three steps away from the counter and stands there, motionless, glaring into space with her fists clenched at her sides for about two minutes. Finally:)

Customer: “You know what? I have another idea.”

(And with that, she walked out, without paying for her flowers.)

(We offer half-price appetizers if they’re ordered after eight, but they are not half-price if they just pay after eight. A server brings the check to a table at 9:15.)

Guest: “This isn’t showing up half-price.”

Server: “If I rang it in before eight, it’s not part of the half-price apps deal.”

Guest: “Well, I was here after eight, so there’s no way it could have been rung in before then.”

(The server comes to me and asks what to do.)

Me: “If it’s rung in after eight, the discount automatically comes off.”

(The server goes back to the table to tell her that, and I go to the kitchen to grab the ticket with the printed time, take it to the manager, and let him handle it from here. The server comes back and says the woman insists she was there after eight.)

Manager: “Hi, we would be happy to discount this to half-price tonight, but I just wanted to let you know, it only counts if you order it after eight.”

Guest: “Well, I know for a fact I wasn’t here until after eight.”

Manager: “Ma’am, the ticket went back to the kitchen at 7:53.” *shows her the ticket*

Customer: “Well… I was at a funeral! You’re all so insensitive! And I received that stupid appetizer after eight, so that should count for something!”

(We will definitely remember her.)

(A middle-aged man comes in when I am working the register.)

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What’s the difference between the pork loin sandwich and the chicken sandwich?”

(I stand there trying to figure out how to tell him that one is pork and one is chicken without sounding like I think he’s an idiot, but before I can say anything, he changes his question.)

Customer: “Which one’s bigger?”

Me: “They’re about the same size.”

Customer: “I’ll have the chicken.”

(The rest of the transaction went smoothly, and he got his food and left. He came in about once a week for the rest of the summer. No matter which employee took his order, he always asked the same questions and always ended up ordering the chicken.)

(It is important to note that every state in the USA has their own laws about eyeglass prescriptions. It is most common in Iowa for optometrists to write prescriptions that only last for one year, though they could write one that would be valid for up to two years. One day, I get this phone call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Optometrist]’s Office. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, hello! I ordered a box of contacts from you guys about a month ago, for my son, and he says these ones aren’t working. He’s got blurry vision. I know the doctor changed his script a couple times and I just want to make sure the most recent one was ordered.”

Me: “Sure. I’ll pull his file and take a look. Please hold.”

(I go to have a look at the file and my heart sinks. It’s April, and this kid had his eye appointment last June. Kids tend to have a lot of changes in their vision thanks, in part, to hormones. Not only that, but he came back three times with the same complaint of his contacts not working. All of that was within thirty days of his appointment, so his script was finalized in July. And Mom waited to order… until March. I steel myself and pick up the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, ma’am. It looks like the most recent prescription was what we ordered for your son. It is accurate.”

Customer: “Well, he can’t see out of them! Can you take this box back?”

Me: “Is the box unopened? We can do a refund for the box if it is, but we can’t take back an opened box for hygiene reasons.”

Customer: “Of course it’s opened! He’s been wearing them! But they are wrong now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The order was placed correctly. We put the same strength that your son told us worked, and so there’s nothing we can do. At this point, he’s almost due for another eye exam, as it is.”

Customer: “So, you’re saying I’m just out, what, $75?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but yes. He saw the doctor last July, and it’s been almost a year. It’s possible his eyes have changed.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous! This is the worst service I’ve ever gotten. I’m never bringing him back to your office!”

(And she hung up on me. I’m sorry, but who waits eight months to order contacts and THEN complains? Next time, don’t wait so long!)

This story is part of the Eye Exam roundup!

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(I work at a popular burrito place, where we make the burrito as the customer is ordering it. I recently transferred stores.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get started for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a bowl, but with the tortilla inside the bowl?”

(This request is common at my new store, but non-existent at my old store. As such, I’m not use to the proper procedures and forget to put a foil underneath the bowl.)

Customer: “Also, can you grill the steak a little longer? I don’t like it so rare.”

Me: “Of course. Do you want to get the other topping on while we wait on the steak?”

Customer: “No, I’ll wait.”

(The steak finishes a little while later, so I grab it, put in on the bowl, and add the rest of her toppings, right before she pays.)

Customer: “You know, you should really put a foil under the bowl, cause that’s just unsanitary. I don’t even want to eat this. It’s gross.”

Cashier: “Would you like us to remake it for you? Free of charge.”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I ended up having to toss out a perfectly good bowl and remaking it. I just can’t figure out why she didn’t point this out while the steak was cooking.)