Running With That Lie

, , , , , | Right | September 11, 2017

(I’m working near the reference desk, when some teens come running in. Three different coworkers spot them and tell them to stop running. They don’t listen. The youth librarian steps in.)

Youth Librarian: “Hey, come over here.”

Teen #1: “I wasn’t running!”

Youth Librarian: “Look, you can stay in here, but be quiet and stop running.”

Teen #1: “But I wasn’t running!”

Teen #2: “Yeah, none of us were.”

Youth Librarian: “Okay, that’s it. You’re banned for the night. You do this again, you’re banned for a week. You keep it up, and I will ban you for a month. GET OUT.”

(The teens leave, still insisting they weren’t running.)

Me: “Did they just say they weren’t running when literally everyone in the room saw them running?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Yeah they did…”

Unfiltered Story #93146

, , | Unfiltered | September 9, 2017

My friends and I buy tickets to a concert, not realizing it is at a bar and they won’t let anyone in who is underage, including my male friend. I am female, and recently lost my ID, got a new one, and then found my old ID, so I have two copies. My male friend and I don’t really look alike, but he has long, wavy hair about the same length and color as mine and similar eyeglasses. The bar is dark and the bouncer usually doesn’t do more than glance at the ID before letting people in, so we decide to try to sneak him in with my extra ID. He is in the middle of our group trying to get in and so far, the bouncer is barely looking at anyone’s IDs, so all is going to plan. My friend is next, and hands the bouncer my ID. The bouncer looks at the ID, back at my friend, back at the ID, and back at my friend again.

Bouncer (indicating my ID): “This is a girl.”
Friend: “…Oh.”

The bouncer returns my ID to my friend and he walks away dejectedly. We did manage to sneak him in after the show started, by drawing the hand stamp on him, but we made sure to pull his hair back and remove his glasses, so he wasn’t recognized as “the guy who tried to use a girl’s ID.”

Unfiltered Story #92615

, , | Unfiltered | September 4, 2017

In the state of Iowa, ethanol in super unleaded fuel is subsidized so it is typically much less expensive than regular unleaded. I was working at a gas station off the interstate that had a large sign visible from the highway and a street sign that only displayed our lowest-price fuel, Super Unleaded. This customer from out-of-state came in upset after pumping gas, accusing me of over-charging him and misleading customers about our price per gallon. I apologized and said I’d look into it and walked out to the dispenser with him. I looked it over, nodded, and pointed at the PPG display above each grade and said, “Yeah, this is all correct. See? Regular is (ppg) and super is (ppg) just like the sign says” as I point to the street sign. Steam starts shooting out of this guys ears and he responds, “Well, you could’ve made that sign larger!” I replied, “We did,” as I point to the massive sign visible from the highway looming over the store. Customer: “Uh… Yeah… Well, you’re starving Mexicans!” Me: “What???” Customer: “You are personably responsible for the deaths of millions of Mexicans! Does that make you happy? This is bullshit!” “Ok, then. Have a nice day,” as I turned and walked back inside.

Hear Yourself Before You Speak

, , , , , | Related | August 30, 2017

(My brother and his wife are over for dinner one night, and while we are setting the table, my brother notices a little dish with my father’s hearing aids in it. He didn’t know Dad had gotten them, he’s never seen them out of his ears.)

Brother: “What are those? Hearing aids?”

Me: “Yeah, they aren’t in Dad’s ears right now. Did you not know he had them?”

Brother: “No.” *to Dad* “When did you get your hearing aids?”

Dad: *in the living room* “What?”

(My brother and I laugh at him, and he looks on, confused.)

Me: “I couldn’t have scripted that better if I wanted to.”

Breaking Bread With The Dungeon Master

, , , | Hopeless | August 11, 2017

(Up until this point, my day hasn’t been going well. It started with a car issue where several pieces of my engine just kind of fell off, leaving me to walk everywhere in 95 degree heat. Then the tow truck driver was angry and aggressive, and the kids at my job were especially crazy. I stop on my way home at a popular sandwich shop to pick up some cheap, day-old bread for dinner.)

Me: “Hi, I hate to do this during the rush, but can I just have a loaf of day old bread?”

Cashier: “Have you ever played Dungeons and Dragons?”

Me: “Yes?”

Cashier: “Then you just rolled a natural 20. We don’t have any day-olds, so here’s a fresh loaf, and it’s on us.”

Me: *completely flustered with gratitude* “Thank you so much! This day has been pretty rough; I had major car trouble, and work was insane. I really needed something like this.”

Cashier: “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad you’re safe, and I’ll always be here if you need your day turned around again!”

(I think I’ll be going there a lot more often!)

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