That Was Still Productive

, , , , , | Working | January 1, 2019

(When I first get promoted to management, part of my training is learning to interview a potential employee. My first interview, monitored by my boss, is of an older gentleman who is retired and just needs something to occupy his time, part time. It goes like this:)

Me: “Are you capable of multitasking, and if so, can you give an example of when you did?”

Interviewee: “So, let’s just say there’s a terrible car crash. And you—“ *points to me* “—are horribly mangled; your limbs are everywhere! But he—“ *points to my boss* “—just has a concussion. Clearly, I would help you first right?!”

(Okay, not an example of multitasking, but I guess it’s good prioritization? I proceed with my final question.)

Me: “Have you ever worked with an unproductive coworker, and if so, how did you handle the situation?”

Interviewee: “What does that mean? Unproductive? I don’t know what that means.”

(End of interview. But my boss said it was a great example of who not to hire.)

Top Marks For Honesty

, , , , , | Working | December 10, 2018

(I’m a manager at a chain restaurant and one of my responsibilities is interviewing potential employees for a job. I like to ask people why those chose to apply for us instead of our competitors, because we hold ourselves to a higher standard and want employees who actually want to work for our company specifically, not just a job for money. This happens when I ask that question.)

Me: “So,why did you choose to apply specifically to us? Our competition down the street is also hiring, but you chose us. Why’s that?”

Candidate: “Well, when I think of them, they always be busy and stuff. But when I think of y’all, I don’t think y’all get busy. And I’m trying to get a job where I don’t have to work so hard.”

(She did not get the job.)

Looks Lick The Wrong Job

, , , , , , | Working | November 27, 2018

(I’ve been applying for jobs and have gotten an interview at a gas station, specifically for the night shift. The woman interviewing me is very casual and laid-back, which makes me feel very comfortable about the position.)

Interviewer: “And you do get a few strange folk during the night, but nothing too creepy. One guy asked to lick me because he wanted to know if I taste as sweet as I look.”

(She seemed completely unconcerned about the incident, and even laughed. I left the interview with no intention of ever working a gas station, anywhere.)

You Gauge While I Rage

, , , , , , , , | Working | November 26, 2018

Shortly after I graduate from college, I’m working part-time in retail. I apply for a full-time event photographer’s position online and receive a call back. I’ve had several other interviews that didn’t pan out recently, so I quickly agree, despite the location in question being over an hour-and-a-half drive away, when the position listing had said it was more local. They inform me that they have multiple candidates to interview that day, and would like to meet on neutral grounds in a chain coffee shop.

Being a bit paranoid about traffic and not knowing the area well, I arrive early on the day and read in my car while I wait. About five minutes before my appointed time, I head into the coffee shop. The interviewer is clearly in view, with a laptop and large drink in front of her, and a small placard with her name on it like you’d see on someone’s desk in reception.

I walk up to introduce myself, and she points vaguely behind her without even looking up to see who I am, and informs me that there are two interviews ahead of mine, so I’ll have to wait.

A bit annoyed now that I was paranoid about being so early, I sit down. After half an hour, none of the interviews have started, and staff have pointedly come by to wipe my table down twice, so I get up and order a cold drink. After another fifteen minutes, the interviewer calls all three of us to her table and says we’ll just do some of the interview all together, to save time. She waits until we’re seated, turns her laptop around, and a video starts playing.

I can feel the other two candidates deflating next to me as the video plays: the job listing advertised for a professional event photographer for a new company, but is actually just a newly named branch of a well-known yearbook photography company, who has decided to expand into the market of preschools.

The video is all about their ideal candidate:

“Good with kids!” “Cheerful and punctual!” “Willing to go above and beyond!” “No photography experience necessary!”

The more we hear, the worse it gets compared to the original listing, and the more it sounds like a scam. They don’t compensate for driving time. They don’t compensate for set-up time. There’s a fee that acts as a deposit on the equipment that we apparently have to pay before we start. They pay a flat rate per school no matter how many kids, or how much time it takes. So on and so forth.

After we watch the video, we split up again for individual interviews. By the time it’s my turn, I’ve been at the location for roughly two hours, in addition to the drive to get there. By now, I’m considering whether to leave or stick it out. I decide to finish the interview, and do my best throughout, because a full-time position might still be better than my current job, even if it isn’t what I’d expected it to be. I put genuine effort into the interview, though the interviewer seems distracted and keeps looking down at her watch as we talk.

Towards the end of the roughly fifteen-minute interview, she asks if I have any questions, and I give the usual responses:

“What kind of training do they provide if experience isn’t necessary?” “What kind of equipment do they use?” “What is the deposit fee like?” “Are we expected to do retouching, or just straight photos?” “When can I expect to hear back about this interview, and when would I be expected to start if I receive an offer?”

She glosses over most of the questions, but sticks on the last one. Her expression changes entirely and she finally looks me in the face and says, “I don’t know why each of you has asked that. We’re not even hiring for the new school year yet. This was just to gauge the market.”

And suddenly I feel like screaming. I’m pretty sure my face turns bright red from holding in that sudden surge of absolute humiliated rage. I say that’s all I have, thank her for her time, and shake her hand. I then march straight to my car with my portfolio. By the time I leave, rush hour is starting, and the drive home takes two hours. The minute I get in the door, I find the nearest couch cushion, and finally scream into it.

I’ve never received a call about the interview, and even if I had, I think I’d have told them quite politely to shove the offer up their a**es.

Now Interviewing For A New Interviewer

, , , , , , | Working | November 20, 2018

(I have been trying to get a job for over a month, with over sixty job applications, several interviews, and no luck. Today, I have a scheduled interview with a manufacturing company for a data-entry job. I enter the interview room after I am called.)

Interviewer: “Mr. [My Name], yes?” *takes out my CV and starts reading it* “[My address], huh? What, daddy didn’t give you enough money?”

(I am livid. While we do live in a rich neighbourhood, my life is nowhere near what would be considered rich. The only reason we live there is that we bought the land when it was still cheap and a normal neighbourhood. My dad has been retired for over a year, as well, and I was barred from getting a job before I finished my first year of university. I snatch my CV from the jerk’s hand and go home. When I get home and check my phone, there are eight missed calls from the same company. Then another call comes in. I pick it up.)

Man: “Is this Mr. [My Name]?”

Me: “What do you want?”

Man: “I’m [Man], sir, and I’d like to apologize for what my ex-colleague has done. His behaviour was completely unacceptable. I can assure you he has been dealt with. Would you like to reschedule another interview?”

(I end up declining as the traffic in that area was rather rough, but I was glad that the jerk didn’t get away scot-free.)

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