This Story Has Yet To Be Titled

| Mexico | Working | July 23, 2016

(Before finishing college I work at a cyber cafe for about a year pay. The isn’t that great, but the work hours are flexible and my boss is nice and laid-back, and it is overall a good environment. I remember the first time one of my Coworkers told me about the slow days right after the end of school year.)

Coworker: “So, work load is gonna be very light for the next couple weeks. You know because of summer vacations.”

Me: “Great! These past few days were awful.”

(The week before the summer lull, our work increased ten-fold because of final school work, teachers bringing us exams to transcript, lots and lots of printing and scanning, etc.)

Me: “Why only two weeks? Classes don’t commence until August, right?”

Coworker: “Because after ‘detoxing’ from the finals both students and teachers remember that they have no idea of what to do with their free time, so they come back to us.”

(We both had a good laugh at that and later we told our boss. He told my Coworker that he had been working there for too long and gave him vacation time.)

 

Dear readers! You’ll notice that this story doesn’t have a title. That is because we’d like to invite you to come up with a suggestion of your own in the comments below. It can be witty, punny, surreal, anything you want – just keep it PG please! The funniest suggestion will become the title of the story. Good luck!

Peppered With Bad Behavior

| Paris, France | Right | June 8, 2016

(I am a European student in Paris, working as a night manager/cashier for an Internet cafe. Around 11 pm, three young guys, Americans, come into the store. I notice they are drunk and the store policy states that they should be refused entry. I speak both French and English very well, so I choose English.)

Me: “Good evening!”

Guy: “Hey! We need a computer!”

Me: “I am sorry, it is not possible. You are a bit drunk and the store policy prevents me to serve you.”

Guy: “This is bull-s***! You’re being racist with us!”

(I have to mention that I am white Caucasian, just like they are.)

Me: “I can’t be racist with you in any way! I am not even French myself!”

(One of them starts to insult and threaten me.)

Me: “No problem. If you do not wish to leave, I will call the police.”

(On the counter there is a phone. Before I can move, he takes the phone.)

Guy: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “Please give me back the phone and leave the store at once!”

Guy: “No, and f*** you!”

(At that moment I took out a police-strength pepper spray I had under the counter (I never had to use it before or after, although I had some rough customers sometimes) and shot all three of them in the face. Their faces burned, they run away to a restaurant across the street to wash their faces and then they sat down on the sidewalk for a long time, away from my store. The store itself was barely breathable and I had to evacuate all customers for 15 minutes and give them free drinks. My bosses had nothing to say to this but praise me for making quick decisions and defending their property.)

Needs To Read More Into It

| New Zealand | Working | April 3, 2015

(I’ve just been promoted to store manager as part of a company-wide restructuring that means the previous manager is moving up to regional. One of my first duties is to hire my own replacement and the new regional manager is walking me through the interviews. One particular applicant has handed in a resumè that has me ready to hire her on the spot but he convinces me to interview her anyway just in case. I’m glad he did.)

Me: “Since we cater mainly to tourists, there are times of the year when we can be pretty quiet. What kinds of things would you do to keep busy during quiet shifts?”

(The answer we were looking for was anything along the lines of cleaning, computer maintenance, restocking – basically, finding things that needed to be done that were hard to do when the store was busy.)

Interviewee: “Well, I’ve recently taken up reading, so I guess I’d work on that?”

(I wasn’t quite ready to give up on her that easily, but when I called around for her references it became very clear that reading was probably a very new hobby for her while she had a LOT of practice at slacking off. She had even included as references a couple of ex-bosses who had fired her for her laziness. I’ve never been tempted to hire someone without an interview again.)

Unable To Think Independently

| Ireland | Right | May 9, 2014

(Years ago, I worked in an Internet cafe. We have an American tourist come in and check his email. His email doesn’t have a traditional webmail service. You have to connect through a special program and chose your location.)

Customer: “I can’t connect. It’s not showing my mail.”

Me: “I see what it is. You chose to use the UK access number.”

Customer: “But I’m in the UK.”

Me: “No, this is Ireland.”

Customer: “But Ireland is part of the UK.”

Me: “No, only the north is.”

Customer: “But you all speak English.”

Me: “Yes, but we are still a different country. It’s listed under the Republic of Ireland in the drop down menu.”

Customer: “But that is part of the UK. People here are British right?”

Me: “No. In America you had a war of independence in 1775 right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So did we, in 1921. If we’re British, so are you.”

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Rage Against The Machine, Part 2

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Right | March 2, 2014

(I am a regular at an internet cafe and am quite friendly with the staff. I’m at the front counter chatting with one of them, while there is a young lady working on one of the computers that’s becoming visibly more and more frustrated. Eventually she slams her fists down on the keyboard. The staff member looks up from our conversation and goes over to see what’s wrong as I listen in.)

Staff: “I’m going to have to ask you not to do that, miss, or you’ll have to pay for any damages. Is something wrong? Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “The computer won’t respond to me! It’s not sending the email I wrote up!”

Staff: “Okay, I might be able to help you with that. How are you sending the email?”

Customer: “You don’t understand. The computer won’t respond to me! It won’t do what I want it to!”

Staff: “I understand, miss, but you’ll need to explain to me exactly what you’re trying to do so I can help you.”

(Suddenly the customer goes ballistic and starts screaming at the staff member.)

Customer: “CAN’T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I HATE COMPUTERS?! I HATE COMPUTERS! I HATE COMPUTERS! I HATE COMPUTERS!”

(With this the customer picks up the keyboard and slams it down on the desk before pushing past the stunned staff member and running out of the internet cafe. The staff member eventually picks up and unplugs the now broken keyboard as I wander over to him.)

Me: “Why would she be in here trying to send an email if she hates computers?”

Staff: “I don’t know, but I’m going to go have a smoke.”

 

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