America The Buttonful

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Money

(I work for an insurance company that offers several different auto-pay options. Many people choose to use their routing and account numbers, which means a break on installment fees. We can stop or postpone extractions, but, we need three to five business days notice.)

Customer: “Hi, my payment’s coming out tomorrow and the money’s not in the account. I need it to be postponed.”

Me: “I apologize, ma’am, but it looks like the debit tape has been sent to the bank. Once that happens, it’s an automated transaction that I cannot cancel or postpone.

Customer: “What do you mean, you can’t postpone it? This is America! You CAN and WILL postpone it!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. I’d recommend checking with your bank. They may be able to stop the transaction. A non-sufficient funds fee may be applied to your account on our end, though. Generally, we need three to five days notice to postpone these transactions.”

Customer: “NO, THIS IS AMERICA! All you have to do is press a button or flip a switch or something!”

In The Patient Out Hole

| Nottingham, England, UK | Health & Body

Me: “Are you likely to receive any in-patient treatment in the next 3 months?”

Caller: “No, I’m booked in for a colonoscopy, but that’ll just be an in and out!”

(I had to put the customer on hold for a few moments whilst I composed myself!)

The Lonely Star State

| Spartanburg, SC, USA | Geography

(I’m in the middle of explaining insurance coverages to a customer when I get to her roadside service information.)

Me: “…and you also have on here a 24/7 nationwide roadside service that will take care of your towing and any locksmith charges.”

Customer: “What is that?”

Me: “What part, ma’am?”

Customer: “24/7?”

Me: “Oh, that means 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.”

Customer: “Oh, and what does nationwide mean?”

Me: “That means all over the US, in any state.”

Customer: “Does that include Texas?”

Me: “Yes, Texas is part of the United States.”