Death Of An Insurance Salesman

| ON, Canada | Crazy Requests

(I work for a very large insurance company. An angry client calls in with a thick foreign accent. Note that my trouble understanding her is making her aggravated.)

Client: “Why haven’t you paid me my insurance money?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not really understanding the question. Could you clarify a little more for me?”

Client: “You must pay me the $100,000 for my insurance!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are the insured person on this policy. Who is it that has passed?”

Client: “No one passes! I need you to pay me my insurance.”

(This continues back and forth for five minutes.)

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t pay you the money from your life insurance policy for the same reason you cannot bury a man living in the USA in Canada.”

Client: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because you’re not dead.”

Oblivious To The Obvious

| UT, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Money

Me: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”

Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”

Me: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”

Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”

Me: “Pay your bill on time?”

Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”

Me: “Um… stop breaking the law?”

Acts Of God

| Australia | Money, Religion

(My job is to process insurance claims made for home and contents damages only. I make an out-bound call.)

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [me] from [company] calling. Is [customer] available, please?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Oh, good afternoon. I’m just calling in regards to the recent insurance claim made for your ‘outhouse.’ Do you have a few minutes?”

Customer: “Certainly.”

Me: “Okay, fantastic. We have received the report from [builder] regarding the damages to your ‘outhouse.’ In this report they have identified that the ‘outhouse’ in question is in fact a caravan and not an ‘outhouse.’ In light of this I’m calling to advise that it isn’t covered by your home insurance.”

Customer: *clearly doesn’t understand this* “But I use it as an outhouse, it hasn’t moved in the last 34 years. I use it to help those in need for a shelter for an evening or two. I’m doing God’s work here. It’s an outhouse.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, and whilst I respect the use that you put it to, it doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact, a caravan. We won’t be able to provide coverage in this instance.”

Customer: “But I’m doing God’s work! Do you hate God? Are you a heathen?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do not hate God. I am not religious and whilst I respect that you are, religion has nothing to do with insurance. For your caravan to be covered in future by [company] you will need to purchase caravan insurance for it, but I must advise you that if you purchase this now, all pre-existing damage will not be covered.”

Customer: “HEATHEN!” *click*