The Real Reason For Head-On Collisions

, | Stockton, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a claims adjuster talking to a driver recently involved in a car accident. I am asking him questions to hear his side of the story of what happened.)

Me: “So there are 3 lanes on this highway? Were you in the left, middle, or right lane?”

Driver: “The right lane.”

(The police report indicates differently.)

Me: “Are you sure you are in the right lane?”

Driver: *thinking* “No, no, I was in the LEFT lane! You see, I’m left-handed, so everything is reversed for me.”

Health Care(less), Part 3

, | Mississippi, USA | Money

(I get a lot of billing questions on the phone.)

Customer: *irately* “I need to know why my insurance was canceled at the end of July.”

(I look up his policy in our database.)

Me: “Sir, you haven’t paid your bill since May.”

Customer: “I have to pay my bill?”

Related:
Health Care(less), Part 2
Health Care(less)

A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 3

, | Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

(As part of my job, I have to call potential leads and obtain information so that we can give them a quote. I am on the phone with a customer and have just finished obtaining all of the information I need.)

Me: “That’s all the information I need. One of the agents will contact you within a few days and will send a copy of the quote to your email address.”

Customer: “What is your name?”

Me: “My name is Carolyn.”

Customer: “No. Your name is Carol-INE. Do you mind if I call you Caroline?”

Me: “Sure?”

Customer: “Thanks, Carol-INE! Have a good day!”

Related:
A Bozo By Any Other Name, Part 2
A Bozo By Any Other Name

In Case Of Emergency, Use Brain

, | Hanover, Germany | Extra Stupid

(I’m working in the insurance field service. One of many things I have to deal with is containing damages on the telephone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [insurance company]. How may I assist you?”

Customer: “My house is burning!”

Me: *confused* “Your house is burning?”

Customer: “My house is burning! What should I do?”

Me: “Have you called the fire department?”

Customer: “No, I thought the insurance wanted to see the damage before–” *disconnects*

Zombies Need Life Insurance Too

| VA, USA | Uncategorized, Zombies

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like to find out about getting life insurance for my sister.”

Me: “Okay, I can connect you with an agent.”

Customer: “Wait, I have a question.”

Me: “No problem, what is your question?”

Customer: “Well, my sister died two days ago. Is that going to make it more expensive?”

Related:
Zombies Need Retail Contractors Too
Zombies Need Retail Assistance Too
Zombies Need Tech Support Too
Zombies Need Healthcare Too
Zombies Need High Speed Internet Too

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