(I front the calls for an insurance call center. I’m on the phone with a customer, chit-chatting a little about the weather difference, since he is from California. I put my mic on mute while I try to see which agents are free to transfer the call to. In the meantime, I hear the customer talking to his friend in the background.)

Friend: “What’s that about?”

Customer: “Something about life insurance. But you should hear her. She sounds hot! I wish I had it on speaker. She sounded really hot! Like seriously, you should hear her! Too bad we’re on opposite ends of the country. She’s in Florida. I guess she just moved from Minnesota.”

(The entire time I can feel myself turning red, and debate on letting him know I can hear him, but I decide it’s time.)

Me: “Actually, from Michigan! But close!”

Customer: “Oh, from Michigan!”

(At this point you can hear the realization in his voice.)

Customer: “Oh, crap! You can hear everything? Oh, jeez! You should warn people! Like ‘I’m going to put you on hold but I can still hear you’!”

Me: “Yeah, but that would take out all the fun!”

Customer: “Oh man, this is so embarrassing! Well, at least you know somebody thinks you sound hot!”

(I could hear both him and his friend crack up. It made my day!)

(This takes place in the early ‘90s. Our office has changed computer systems and has new terminals. On the front of the terminal is a green power light.)

Coworker #1: “What’s the light for?”

Coworker #2: “It is a retinal security system. You have to put your eye to it each time you login: morning, lunch, or break.”

(A week later.)

Supervisor: “[Coworker #1], what the f*** are you doing with your eye to the terminal?!”

Caller: “Hello, is this [My Name]?”

Me: “It is.”

Caller: “We’ve found your CV online and wanted to get in touch as we think you’d be a perfect fit as one of our consultants at [Insurance Agency].”

(While the caller continues their spiel about how the job will suit my skills I check the company online, and find they’re actually the same company that called me several years earlier offering the exact same position when I was last looking for work.)

Caller: “…and so we’d like to have you come in for an interview this Friday. What time would work for you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I’m not available on Friday.”

Caller: “Not a problem, sir! What time on Monday can you come in?”

Me: “I can’t do Monday either.”

Caller: “Okay, we’ll see you Tuesday then.”

Me: “Can’t do Tuesday.”

Caller: “Wednesday?”

Me: “Nope.”

Caller: “Thursday?”

Me: “Nope.”

Caller: “Why not?”

Me: “I’m in the process of moving out of state. I actually stated that in the cover letter I posted with my CV.”

Caller: “Really?”

Me: “I also put my new address on my CV, which is not anywhere near where you said you were located.”

(I hear key taps over the phone.)

Caller: “Oh… uh… so you did. Funny, it says on your profile you’re still in Washington.”

Me: “Well, I am, for another two weeks or so. I must have forgotten to change that as well.”

Caller: “Well, that’s no problem! We also have offices near your new residence so you can come in and interview next week at—”

Me: “Okay, let me stop you right there. You guys actually called me about a consulting position before, three years ago, and hassled me that it’d lead to a promotion and the likelihood of running my own office in six months. I gave you the benefit of a doubt and attended one of your interviews… whereupon you made me and twenty other people sit through an endless lecture of how successful you are and how we’d be idiots not to work for you. Then, when you actually took me aside to speak with me privately, you told me I’d have to first shell out $1,500 for my insurance license before I could even be hired and agree to work on commission. Yeah, thanks, but unless you can guarantee this is not going to be another complete waste of my time I’m not interested.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(I work as a claims adjuster for a major insurance company and have made a liability decision on a minor parking lot accident in which both parties told the exact same story. Unfortunately my client was majority at fault, but we would only be paying 60% of the other party’s repairs. I call my customer and leave a message regarding the liability decision and my phone number. He calls me back a short time later.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you did this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir?”

Customer: “How could you do this without calling me first! You decided I was at fault!”

Me: “Sir, I took a recorded statement from you and from the other party and outlined exactly the kinds of things would factor into the decision.”

Customer: “But you didn’t call me first!”

Me: “I did call you; I took your statement.”

Customer: “But then you made a decision!”

Me: “Sir, it’s my job to make a decision, as you know, and I don’t need your permission or approval to do so.”

Customer: “I know! But I can’t believe you did that!”

Me: “Sir, are you contesting liability? You both told the exact same story and given the facts and damage to both vehicles, you’re both telling the truth. No matter how we look at it, you were backing out and didn’t pay attention to what was behind you.”

Customer: “I know! I agree that’s what happened!”

Me: “Then why are you upset? How can we resolve this?”

Customer: “You made this decision!”

Me: “Sir, I had to make a decision. Again, are you questioning the liability decision? Do you have other information to add?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Sir, then please tell me what you want me to say because I simply don’t understand how to resolve this for you.”

Customer: *pauses* “Well, you know what? I’m just mad about the whole thing. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “I’m really sorry. I work in customer service and I hate when people call and yell at me, and that’s what I’m doing to you. You made the right decision, I accept it, and I’m sorry for yelling at you. I just… needed to yell at someone.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Well… thank you, then. I can definitely understand that!”

Customer: “Thank you for being so patient with me. I’m really sorry, again, to have yelled at you and hope the rest of your day goes better.”

Me: “Thank you.” *we go on to resolve claim payment and I explain repair procedures, etc.*

Manager: “I heard you talking and picked up to listen in. I didn’t know what he was angry about either!” *laughing* “I’ll put a few notes in file about how you handled the call.”

(A few minutes later, a team leader comes up to my desk.)

Team Leader: “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I just took a call from a guy who said he just yelled at you for no reason. He wanted to make sure your supervisor knows he thinks you’re excellent at your job, you’ve provided great customer service and he’s happy with the outcome of his claim. I’m passing this on to your team leader and manager.”

(I STILL laugh about that call, and think it’s one of the reasons I was promoted shortly afterward. Thank you, sir!)

(My daughter has had an insurance claim denied due to pre-existing conditions. She had an allergic reaction to a routine vaccination she had the previous day. I work as a claims processor for the company we have our insurance through. I even process employee claims on occasion, and I know all the rules and regulations for pre-existing conditions as they apply to our insurance plan. I call the company to find out why they denied this claim.)

Me: “Hi. I’m calling to find out why you denied my daughter’s claim.”

Customer Service Rep: “Okay. It looks like it was denied for being a pre-existing condition.”

Me: “Yes, I know it was denied as a pre-existing condition. I’m trying to figure out why it’s a pre-existing condition. You see, I also work for this company and process claims like this on a daily basis. I know that there are certain CPT codes that are supposed to be looked at for pre-existing conditions. I also know that before a claim is denied for being pre-existing, the processor is supposed to research through the member’s history to see if there are any related claims that have been denied or paid or have documentation attached to prevent denial. I also know that if the processor had done their job correctly, that they would have seen a routine doctor’s visit the day before and would have made the connection between the vaccination and the allergic reaction. Plus, I also know that allergic reactions are not considered pre-existing when there are no other claims in the member’s history for a similar reaction. And now, the most important point: according to California law, pre-existing conditions can only apply for the first six months a member has a plan with a health insurance company. I have been employed by this company, with full benefits, for over a year and a half. There is absolutely no reason that this claim should have been denied.”

(There is extended silence.)

Customer Service Rep: “Oh. Okay, we’ll get that fixed and paid as soon as possible!”

(The claim was paid and I never had a problem with the company denying any claims for pre-existing conditions again!)