I work for a business insurance company, helping agents and occasionally customers with questions. We often get customers asking for a quote over the phone, but as this is business insurance, we don’t do that; instead, we work with licensed agents who do that. This is important for a lot of reasons, but also relevant to this story.

I get a call in the afternoon from someone who sounds like they are in a busy office.

Caller: “Hello, I’m calling because our current [Business] insurance is costing $600 a month for three employees. We were hoping you could give us a better quote.”

Me: “That sounds great, and I’d love to help. However, we don’t quote over the phone directly to customers. You’d want to call whoever handles your business insurance, and they can work up a quote with us.”

Caller: “Okay, hold on.”

I hear her relay this to her boss, who is apparently right there, and he mutters something, then says:

Boss: “Give me the phone; I know how to handle these people.”

The boss joins the call:

Boss: “Hi, okay, so listen, you sell a product, [Business] insurance, and I want to buy it from you. So why don’t you go ahead and work up a quote for me? Whatever it is has gotta be better than what I’m paying now, so get that going for me, okay?”

Me: “I definitely would love to help you on that, but I’m not a licensed agent. If you talk to whoever handles your other business insurance, they can work up a quote right on our website and get you going.”

Boss: “No, see, I want you to give us a quote right now.”

Me: “I understand, but we don’t do quotes over the phone directly to insureds.”

Boss: *Pause.* “Okay, so I have to go through my agent?”

Me: “Yes, we work with just about every agent in the state.”

Boss: *To original caller.* “Get my agent on the line!”

To my horror, I hear a phone on speaker dial, and a man picks up.

Agent: “This is [Agent].”

Boss: “Hey, I need your agent number so [Business] insurance will give me a quote over the phone.”

I facepalm. But the call isn’t over.

Agent: “My agent number? With [Business] Insurance? I’d have to go check. Wait, with [Business] Insurance? Didn’t you have them years ago, but never paid off what you owed? I don’t know if they’ll write you again.”

Boss: “I declared bankruptcy, it’s fine. Just get me your agent code.”

Increasingly horrified, I try to interject:

Me: “I’m sorry, only your agent can give you that quote, I can’t give it over the phone.”

Pause.

Boss: “[Agent’s Name], I’ll call you back.”

He hands the phone back to the original caller.

Boss: “Get a quote from this guy.”

Caller: “Hi…”

Me: “Hi… So, as I mentioned, your agent can work up that quote for you.”

Caller: “Okay, we’ll reach out to him. Thank you.”

We end the call, and I sit there for a moment before cracking up. They’re never gonna believe this in the office.

I am investigating an auto accident that occurred before the policy was purchased.

Customer: “I’m a paying customer! I pay for full coverage, and I expect you to fix the car!”

Me: “You’re a paying customer today, but you weren’t a week ago when this happened, right?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I’m paying now! It should be fixed now!”

I work in a call center for a medical insurer. I am on a call with a customer who lives in a rural part of the country.

Me: “So, just about anyone in the medical field can fill out that insurance claim form for you.”

Caller: “But we don’t just have doctors walking around fields here!”

Me: “No, sorry, I meant the medical field. Someone who works in any medical capacity.”

Caller: “We only got corn fields out here.”

I’m working at a kayak rental hut by a quiet lake. A family is picking up their rental gear. The dad looks over the waiver form.

Dad: “Why do we have to sign all this? We’re just paddling. It’s not like we’re cliff diving.”

Me: “It’s standard liability stuff, just in case.”

Dad: “So what, if a squirrel jumps on my kayak and I fall in, you’re not responsible?”

Me: “Exactly.” 

Dad: “That’s ridiculous. I’ve signed fewer papers buying a car.”

Me: “Well, cars don’t capsize when your kid sees a frog and screams.”

Some years ago, I worked in an insurance call center that focused on car insurance.

The brand I worked on was focused on new drivers and, as such, required that a black box tracking device be fitted to the car so that how you drove could be monitored. We needed the box to be fitted by one of our engineers, who would come to you and install it. While they were doing this, they would check over the car to make sure it wasn’t modified.

One of my first calls of the day goes as such:

Me: “You’re through to [Insurance Company], how can I help?”

Engineer: “Hey, man, one of the engineers here. I came to fit a box to the car, but the wheels and probably the exhaust are very much not standard… the wheels look to be the wrong size.”

Me: “Okay, thanks, yeah, don’t worry about fitting the box. Want me to talk to her to explain the deal?”

Engineer: “If you can, she’s not happy about it.”

The phone gets passed over, and I do the various data protection stuff.

Me: “Okay, so the wheels and exhaust on your car aren’t standard, you’re going to need to get them changed back before we can fit the box, and you need the box for the insurance.”

Customer: “But I’ve spent hundreds on those!”

Me: “Well, it’s against the terms of your insurance policy to have them, so while they’re on your car, you aren’t actually insured.”

Customer: “But the wheels on my last car were modified and you didn’t say anything then!”

Me: *Trying to ignore her admitting to insurance fraud on a recorded call.* “That may well be, but it is against the terms of this insurance to have any modifications on your car; you’re going to have to revert them if you want this policy.”

Customer: “I don’t see the problem… It’s not like the wheels are even part of the car.”

Me: *My sarcastic a**.* “They’re not part of… how far do you think you can drive without them?”

At this point, she escalated to a manager, luckily, when he listened to the call, my manager laughed. Got told to try not to do it again, but it was funny enough that he’d let it slide this time.

Oh, and she did get the modifications removed. She got her insurance cancelled for speeding a couple of months later anyway, but that one is another story.