(A colleague takes a call for a theft claim, and after filling in the report, my colleague asks:)

Colleague: “What has been stolen?”

Customer: “I don’t know… How do I find out what was taken?”

(I am calling my insurance company to report damage from Hurricane Harvey. I live just outside of Rockport, the town where the eye went in.)

Agent: “I understand you are reporting damage from a wind event?”

Me: “I guess you could call it a ‘wind event,’ sure.”

Agent: “Do you know the date of the wind event?”

Me: “Friday night. August 25th.”

Agent: “And do you know what time the damage occurred?”

Me: “All I know is it was Friday night and into Saturday morning.”

Agent: “It would be helpful if you could narrow it down a bit more.”

Me: “You could probably call the Weather Channel and ask what time Harvey made landfall. It was right about then, you know, since the damage was caused by the hurricane.”

It was near month end when a lot of car insurances were coming due. Near closing time, a young man came in with that tell-tale look of desperation and panic that just told us something was up.

He came to the counter and I was to serve him. He blurted out, “My insurance is due tonight, and I don’t have the right paperwork, and I don’t get paid until tomorrow, and I think I may owe money for some fines, and I don’t know what to do!!”

I calmly took his papers, looked at them and then to him, and said “Okay, first thing we do is PANIC!” I took a beat, held eye contact, then said, “Okay, good. Nailed it. Now we just need to figure out how to make this work for you.”

I don’t think he exhaled the whole time.

Me: “Okay, so I just need to play you a short recording of our ‘duty of disclosure’ statement to make sure you agree to our terms and conditions, and then we can finalise your policy.”

Customer: “I agree.”

Me: “Sir, I have to play the recording for you first.”

(I work for a health insurance company. We pay our our maximum amount on all emergency room visits no matter where services are done or contracting status of provider.)

Customer: “So I feel like there should be a WRITE OFF done by somebody to WRITE OFF some of these charges.”

Me: “I understand a large bill from a hospital can be a burden, which is why we paid your ER claim as much as we would possibly pay any claim, at the highest level — our in network pay bracket.”

Customer: “Who does the WRITE OFF then? I was told there could be a WRITE OFF.”

Me: “Contracts with doctors can result in them accepting our paid amount and writing off the rest. Your visit was to a non-contracted provider, so they aren’t beholden to any agreement on how much they can charge you.”

Customer: “So they would do the WRITE OFF, then?”

Me: “Have you spoken to them about negotiating a plan to pay your bill yet?”

Customer: “Yes, and they told me to call you and say WRITE OFF a lot and ask if you could pay them in a lower bracket than you did because it could mean they get more money towards the bill.”

Me: *after a silent “wow”* “That’s simply bad advice. There isn’t a world in which paying them less would result in them getting more money. Those two things are the opposite of each other.”

Customer: “Oh. Why would they make me do this, waste my time and make me seem like a fool?”

Me: “You’re not a fool. You’re looking for a way to reduce a very large and unexpected expense. I’m sorry the hospital that is billing you deflected your concerns by giving you an untenable solution. You can report unprofessional conduct by our contracted providers, should you ever encounter a problem with them.”

Customer: “Did you say something about them getting more money?”

Me: *after a moment of stunned silence* “You could get back to the person in that hospital who advised you of these options and request they send us a letter officially asking to be paid at a lower bracket. They are even able to agree to a WRITE-OFF in the same letter. The format for this charitable concern is on our website.”

Customer: “They wouldn’t do that, would they?”

Me: “It was their idea, wasn’t it?”

Customer: “Yes, it was, but I don’t think that’s what they meant.”

Me: “What did they mean?”

Customer: “I called you to find out!”