A couple years ago, I got some car insurance quotes online. As usual, I received follow-up calls from most of those insurers trying to get me to actually purchase from them. I let them all go to voicemail since I didn’t want to deal with them, and they all gave up within a week.

All except one, that is. This guy called me every weekday and Saturday for six months and left a minute-long message every time. It clearly wasn’t a robo-call because the messages were not the same; the same basic spiel, but with enough changes in tempo and word choice that it had to be a human.

Yes, I could have answered him one time and just told him I wasn’t interested, but after a couple of weeks I was curious how long he would keep it up. I don’t know if this level of persistence was corporate policy, a manager’s instructions, or the salesman just not using his time wisely, but in any case, he wasted over two and a half hours of company time on a potential customer who clearly wasn’t going to respond positively.

When I was 22, I was working for a prominent theater company in Philadelphia as a shop apprentice, building sets. As an apprentice, I was paid very little money, so I lived with my parents, about 45 minutes away. Because of the commute, I had to leave my parent’s house before 7:00 am to avoid city rush hour traffic. I also had to work really long hours, which meant that I frequently got home around 2:00 am.

One night, while driving home after a 17-hour day, I hit a deer. Being young, inexperienced, and without collision insurance, I thought nothing of it since I collided with a deer. A week later, my dad told me that I should contact my insurance carrier, a large, well-known national chain, to see if deer weren’t actually covered under “comprehensive.”  (They are.)

An agent came out to the house to assess the damage, and I asked if I could file a claim in spite of a week passing. The agent assured me that I could. However, the report he filed said that “no deer matter” had been found on my car, but they did find a scrape of paint on the underside of my front bumper. The company then decided that I was trying to defraud them of the $400 cost of repairs.

Over the next year, I had to provide character assessments, a police record of the deer removal, statements of my hours at work, and various depositions, all to support my claim that I hit a deer and was not committing insurance fraud. Meanwhile, the company kept sending me vicious letters, threatening me with significant fines in the hundred thousands, jail time, or both.

The last thing was a formal “hearing” in the city to determine, once and for all, if I was committing fraud. My dad was incensed and insisted on going with me. Once there, I repeated my story about hitting a deer. They asked about the paint, to which I replied that I didn’t know, and that I had probably bumped a parking block. I was then asked where I worked. When I told them, “Downtown Philadelphia,” the response was, “Oh. Okay. We see this kind of thing all the time.”

My charge of fraud was dismissed, and the insurance paid me my $400. I was so angry that I was even suspected of fraud. Were I to actually try it, it would have been for way more than $400.

(We’ve recently had the worst hailstorm in years in our area, with pieces of hail golf-ball-sized and bigger. Because our house doesn’t have a garage, all three of our vehicles — two personal and my husband’s work car — look like someone took a hammer to them. I call the next business day to file a claim with our insurance agency, and a couple days later I get this call from the local adjuster.)

Me: “Hello?”

Adjuster: *in an overly cheery voice* “Hi, is this [My Name]? This is [Adjuster] from [Insurance Company] calling about your vehicle damage claim.”

Me: “Yes, thank you for calling me back.”

Adjuster: “Sure! We’d love to get you in to our drive-through estimate center, so let’s get you on the schedule.”

Me: “Uh, well, doesn’t it say on the claim that all three of our cars were damaged?”

Adjuster: “Yes! Okay, let’s get you scheduled.”

Me: “It will be difficult to bring all three cars in at once without help, since there are two of us. We might be able to get a friend to help on Saturday.”

Adjuster: “Oh, we only do damage estimates on weekdays from eight am to five pm!”

Me: “Right… Well, my husband is off on Fridays, but I only get a half-hour lunch break and wouldn’t have time to drive in from my office and back for the estimate. Also, we’d still need to get a friend to drive the third car if you insist on seeing all three of them at once.”

Adjuster: “Yes, we’d like to see them all at the same appointment. The drive-through claim center is really the fastest way to get an estimate.”

Me: “Understood. However, there’s still the problem of three cars and only one person who is for sure available to drive. Don’t you have a field agent who can come to our house?”

Adjuster: “Yes… We can send a field agent. But the drive-through center is much faster!”

Me: “Yeah… We’d still need the field agent. On a Friday, so my husband can be here.”

Adjuster: “It will take longer!”

Me: “That’s fine. Please assign us to a field agent.”

Adjuster: *pauses* “All right! I’ve put you on the list for a field agent to call you. It may take a couple of days; the drive-through center is really much faster.”

Me: “Thank you.”

Adjuster: *STILL cheery* “I guess now you can forget this conversation even happened!” *click*

Me: “No… I don’t think I can.”

(A colleague buys a new car, notifies his insurance company, and asks for a cover letter ASAP. Time goes by, no cover letter, so he phones them.)

Representative: “So sorry, sir. We’ll send it out straight away.”

(As you can probably guess, no letter. This happens three more times. On the fourth call, the representative decides to try a new approach.)

Representative: “I’m sorry, sir. The letter was about to be sent, but we had a computer error.”

Colleague: “What sort of error?”

Representative: “Well, sir, it’s very technical. I doubt you’d understand.”

Colleague: “Can you see my details on your screen?”

Representative: “Yes, sir.”

Colleague: “Does it say my employer?”

Representative: “Yes, sir. IBM UK, Ltd.”

Colleague: “Does it give my job title?”

Representative: “Yes, sir. Uh… senior systems programmer.”

Colleague: “So, tell me about this computer error.”

Representative: “Sir, being completely frank now, we screwed up. I’ll make sure it goes out today.”

(Two days later, he finally got the insurance cover note.)

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 9
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 8
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 7

(I have been put on a prescription by my doctor. As I am not particularly fond of the modern designer drug industry, my prescription is something that has been on the market for over 50 years. As such, it is very cheap. After I have been using it for four or five months, my insurance company calls me.)

Me: “Hello?”

Agent: “Hello, this is [Agent] from [Insurance Company] calling. Is this [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

Agent: “I would like to tell you about our fantastic prescription drug plan! You can get regular shipments of your medications every three months, which will save you money. Here’s how it works…” *drones on whilst I try to interrupt*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Agent: *continues script*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Agent: *continues script*

Me: “Ma’am?”

Agent: “Yes?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m on exactly one prescription, which costs exactly one dollar and seventy-six cents per month, including tax. Nobody else in the house has any other prescriptions.”

Agent: “Oh.”

Me: “I doubt you can save me any money on of that one.”

Agent: *laughing* “You’re right; we probably can’t. Thank you for your patience!”