(A policyholder has recently purchased an insurance policy and chosen the monthly payment option with payments withdrawn automatically from his checking account.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. [My Name] speaking; how can I assist you today?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer], and you people have really messed up, and I’m mad! You need to fix this right now!”

Me: “I have your policy information pulled up and would be glad to help in any way I can. Please explain what has happened.”

Customer: “I’ve only had my policy a month, and you’ve already taken another payment from my checking account. Why did you take more money? I already paid for my policy!”

Me: “You purchased the policy just over a month ago, and your payments are due each month on the same day as your policy started. We submitted the request on [date], as per the agreement. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “My checking account is now overdrawn, and it’s your fault. I didn’t give you permission to take any money!”

Me: “Actually, you did. When you signed up for insurance, you paid for only one month of coverage, agreed to monthly payments, provided the routing number and account number for your checking account, and signed a form agreeing to the terms for electronic payments. You were also provided with a schedule, and we sent you email reminders of the date and amount both ten days and three days prior to the withdrawal, even though we are not required by the contract to do so. It is not our error that your account is now overdrawn, and there is nothing I can do to fix it.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, I get all that, but why did you take money from my account?”

Me: “Because that’s the way monthly automatic payments work?!”

Customer: “F*** you!”

Me: “Good morning, [Emergency Centre]. How can I help you?

Client: “Hello, our car broke down here on the German roadside! We need help very quickly! Are you far away?”

Me: “I am in the Netherlands, ma’am, but that doesn’t matter, since I am able to send out an order to the German road guard.”

Client: “Thank God! There’s a lot of smoke coming from the car and it’s not running anymore!”

Me: “All right, I’ll fill in the case file for you, ma’am. Could I have your licence plate number?”

Client: “[Licence plate number].”

Me: “I’ve found the car, I think. Is it a [Brand]?”

Client: “Yes!”

Me: “And your zip code and address?”

Client: “[Zip code and address]”.

(Usually, zip code and address make me able to see the membership number and the insurance policy. But this time, no valid insurance comes up.)

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t see a valid insurance policy. Do I have the right membership? Is it [number]?”

Client: “No, it’s [correct number].”

(There is still no insurance policy.)

Me: “I still don’t see anything, miss. It seems there is no valid insurance.”

Client: “What!? How’s that possible? My husband received help two weeks ago!”

Me: “I believe you, but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t have a right policy here.”

Client: “But that has to be a mistake! Can’t you just send help and we will sort it out later?”

Me: “I can’t, miss. I can’t send out an order without a valid policy. Maybe there’s something I can do, but I’ll have to ask my superior. I have to put you on hold.”

Client: “Okay.”

(I go and ask my superior. The answer is that if they don’t have a valid insurance policy, they haven’t got the right to get our help. The only thing I can do is to put them into contact with the German road guard. Costs won’t be covered.)

Me: “Hello, miss. Sorry to keep you waiting. The answer is that I cannot send out the order. The only thing I can do is put you into contact with the German road guard.”

Client: “But we have a policy! Does this mean we don’t get coverage?”

Me: “It seems so, ma’am. I’m very sorry.”

Client: “But I can’t afford that! We already paid a huge sum to get the insurance! Why can’t you just send help and let us sort out things later?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, that’s not how it works. But—”

Client: “But I can’t afford to pay for the road guard!”

Me: “I understand, ma’am. That’s a very unpleasant situation for you, of course. But this is the only thing I can do.”

Client: “Yes, but I can’t afford to pay for the road guard!”

(The conversation starts repeating itself, going in circles several times. Every time when the lady says “Yes, but…” I know we’re back at the sentence that she cannot afford to pay for the road guard. Finally, she snaps and starts getting personal.)

Client: “Sir, I’m getting really sick of this! We… Oh, God! We have been talking for over seventeen minutes. And yet you haven’t done anything to help us!”

(After quite some pointless bickering, I offer to ask for one last option. My superior came with a way to check their membership for any policies at all.)

Superior: “Oh, God, just as I expected. They’ve only got an insurance for the Netherlands. No wonder you can’t help them!”

(I went back on the phone, but I didn’t get any response. My superior told me to hang up. Looking back at the incident, I’m especially wondering why the client blamed me for the long phone call with me “doing nothing,” despite me offering her an alternative after several minutes, while she was the one dragging on and on about the same stuff.)

(I’m working in customer retention for a major automobile insurance company. This caller has threatened to cancel her policy because she doesn’t like the price, so she is transferred to me.)

Customer: “I need you to reduce my premium. I was transferred to you because the person I just talked to wouldn’t do it and he said you could. You can start by changing my address from [Inner City Area] to [Residential Suburb] where my sister lives, because she pays less for insurance there.”

Me: “Have you relocated to that address?”

Customer: “Of course not! I don’t want you to change where I live, just the address for my car!”

Me: “Your insurance cost is based in part on where your car is kept for greater than 50% of the time, so the address won’t be updated.”

Customer: “I also need you to change the description of my car from a 2-door to a 4-door, and the year to [a few years’ older].”

Me: “Have you changed vehicles?”

Customer: “No, but I know it costs less to insure an older car; just change it!”

Me: “The insured vehicle will also not be changed on this policy.”

Customer: “Why does everyone keep arguing with me and asking so many questions?! I already explained to that other guy that I know what I’m doing. Just make the changes; he said you could help me!”

Me: “Your car’s Vehicle Identification Number indicates the year, make, and model and can’t be overridden. Our rates and rating factors are filed with the state department of insurance and have been reviewed and approved. All of the information used to rate your policy, including your address, the location of your car, and the vehicle insured need to be accurate to be in compliance. I am not going to falsify information; by asking me to do so you are requesting that I be a party to insurance fraud. If I were to participate, I’d risk losing my insurance license and my job, and face the possibility of a hefty fine against myself and my company. Now, I see you were provided a review which did result in an additional discount added, which will save you [amount], and I can take another look to see if anything was overlooked.

Customer: “It wasn’t enough, and nothing’s really changed. I just want to save more money. Just do your job and make those changes for me; it’s not like I’m asking you to do anything illegal!”

(A light has just changed and I’m slowing down as I approach it so I can stop. I see a truck barreling towards me, but I can’t move out of his way fast enough. He hits me with enough force to send me across the entire intersection. Thankfully, I am all right. Ironically, he does it in front of two cops. This happens two weeks after, when my insurance already has started on getting payment from the other guy.)

Insurance Rep: “This is [Rep] from [Insurance]. We need a recorded statement from you. Unfortunately, the other driver is fighting this and says you were at fault for the accident. As none of us have a copy of the police report, we need recorded statements from all involved parties.”

Me: “Oh… Okay. Would you also like a copy of the report? I’ve got it saved to my computer and can email it to you right now.”

Insurance Rep: “You are now my favorite person. Yes to that, as well!”

(A month later, I heard the other guy lied to his insurance company, and said I was weaving in and out of lanes and that’s why he hit me. He had them take me to arbitration, ending with me getting $2,000 and him probably being dropped by his car insurance.)

(I’m an insurance agent. A young woman in her early 30s has asked to have an RV policy transferred from her husband’s name into her name, as she says her husband is ill and doesn’t currently drive due to his medical issues. She is already on the policy, so a transfer isn’t necessary, but she thinks it will be a lower premium. When the quote is complete, it does not lower her premium, and she agrees to keep the policy as currently written.)

Customer: “Thank you for the quote; I’m not going to make any changes at this time.”

Me: “Thank you for doing business with [Company]. Let us know if there is anything else we can help you with.”

Customer: “Oh, I will. You know, I’ve had to take over all of the finances since my husband has been in the hospital.”

Me: “I’m sorry the burden has been placed on you; I hope that he recovers quickly.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. He’s really up there in years, and I just have to come to terms with the fact that he may not recover at all.”

Me: “He is quite seriously ill, then?”

Customer: “Not really, but at his advanced age, I have to be ready for the worst.”

Me: “…”

(The husband was only 60 years old!)