(I get a phone call from one of our client members.)

Member: “Hello, we’re here in Germany, at Rees, and our car broke down. Our membership number is [number].”

(I fill in the number. It shows a roadguard insurance for Netherlands only.)

Me: “I see you only have insurance for the Netherlands, sir. Is that right?”

Member: “Yes, but we are very close to the border. About twenty kilometres.”

(I look up the location.)

Me: “That’s true, yes. Hm… You’re still out of the country, but I might be able to do something. Can you hold, sir?”

Member: “Yes.”

(I go and talk to my superior about this.)

Me: “One of our members has broken down in Germany, very close to the border. But he only has an insurance policy for help in the Netherlands.”

Member: “Hm. There is a policy of sending out Dutch roadguard to certain German areas close to the border. But it really has to be the right area. You should call the inland department to ask them. If it’s the right zone, we could tow them to the Netherlands, out of courtesy.”

(Courtesy indeed, since they officially have no policy for help in foreign countries. I call the inland department, and tell the story.)

Colleague: “I’m sorry. I can’t put the location through. They’re clearly in the wrong zone.”

Me: “All right, then. At least we tried. Thank you.”

(I go back to the client, who is still on hold.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but it turns out we can’t send out a Dutch road guard over there, due to legal jurisdictions and everything. The only thing I can do is text you the phone number of the German road guard. That way, you could at least receive some help.”

Member: “And we have to pay for that ourselves?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I’m very sorry, but your insurance does not cover for help on foreign soil. But I’ll be texting you the phone number of the German road guard.”

Member: “Well, I think I won’t use it. I’ll just contact a local towing company. I mean, it’s all good that you usurp all these bureaucratic rules, but to be honest, I’m quite fed up with this! We’ve been members for years, and this is no service!”

(I’m still not quite sure what he meant with us “usurping” rules. Later I recount the story to another coworker.)

Coworker: “I don’t get the man. Either you have an insurance or not. If you don’t have a fire insurance and your house burns down, you won’t go to your health insurance, will you?”

(I’m still quite amazed that he blamed us for not being insured himself. And that, with all the effort I put in it, he still acted as if I hadn’t done anything.)

(Our roadguard insurance covers quite a lot of stuff, like sending a road guard for repair on the spot or for towing your broken vehicle to a garage. It does not, however, cover the costs of repair at the garage — since these tend to be quite high — or any unforeseen additional hotel costs. Somehow, many people just assume certain stuff is covered, without carefully reading the terms and conditions. We often receive phone calls from people who don’t get it.)

Caller: “Hi, my car broke down in Germany, a while ago. I’m back home now, but I have a question. It’s [license number].”

Me: “Yes, I found it.”

Caller: “The repair costs at the garage were €150. Apart from that, I had to book a hotel for two nights, with some meals, making that a bill of €140. Can I get these covered?”

Me: “Unfortunately, sir, these costs are no part of our roadguard insurances. However, it might be possible to declare the unforeseen hotel costs at your travel insurance. Do you have a travel insurance, sir?”

Caller: “Yes, I do. So, I should declare the hotel costs there?”

Me: “Best thing you could do, sir. You should contact that insurance to check that.”

Caller: “But how about the repair costs?”

Me: *tactically* “Well… usually that is not a part of the roadguard insurance, either.”

Caller: “Well, I have been a member for ten years, and have paid my insurance premium every time, without any trouble or damage. I think that should be worth something. If not, why do I have an insurance?”

Me: “For road help, sir, which you got. We covered that.”

Caller: “Is there really no way?”

Me: “Well, you could try to declare the hotel costs through our declaration form. However, I can’t guarantee any success.”

(I’m just saying this in order to finish the call. I know this won’t work, but at least the guy will stop, and I have pointed out it might not work.)

Caller: “Okay, I’ll go to my travel insurance with the hotel bill. And I’ll try to declare the garage costs through your online form. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll simply terminate my insurance with you.”

(That means he won’t get any covered assistance at all next time. With an insurance, he could contact us and report his problem to us in his mother tongue, while we sent out the order to the foreign roadguard and covered the costs of that, which in a worst-case scenario can cost over €350!)

(Because we work with Americans, as well as many international clients, we get a lot of interesting people. The best way to get any information to prospective clients is through email. This is one exchange I had with a prospective client.)

Me: “All right. What I can do is send you all the information you are asking for through email, and CC an agent so that she may answer any questions you have.”

Client: “Okay.”

Me: “All right, what’s your name?”

(The client spells out his name slowly, using the “B as in ‘Boy’” thing.)

Me: *inwardly* “Thank goodness! I don’t think I would ever understand him.” *outwardly* “All right, and your email?”

(The client begins spelling out his email using same technique, then says:)

Client: “F as in ‘Edward,’ at [rest of email].”

Me: “Um… Okay, just to make sure I have this down correctly—”

(I begin spelling out the email and put extra emphasis on the F.)

Client: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, I will get this information to you by the end of the day.”

Client: “Thank you!”

(It ended up being an E. I don’t blame him, though; an F is just an E without a bottom!)

(I work in a call center for a large insurance company. Two things are important to know: first, just because I am not in an office talking face to face, it does not mean that I know less than other agents; I had to pass the same test and get the same licence they did. Second, for those who don’t know, Maryland has some of the stricter insurance laws in the country. They fine you per day you don’t have insurance on a car that is registered, coming to about $2,500 per year per car, with no maximum. They also usually aren’t willing to allow you to even start paying on the fine until you have insurance again.)

Customer: “I just got back from MVA [Maryland DMV] and was trying to renew the registration on my car, and they told me that I have a fine to pay because of you guys.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Let me see if I can find your policy and get this sorted out for you. Do you have your policy number or phone number?”

(The customer gives me his phone number and I try to find a policy for him. Eventually I do, but I find a problem right away.)

Me: “Sir, is it possible that you have the policy under a different phone number?”

Customer: “No. That is the only phone number I have ever had.”

Me: “Okay, well, I found a policy that you had with us, but it cancelled two years ago.”

Customer: “Is that why you are fining me?”

Me: “No, sir. We are not fining you. The state of Maryland is probably fining you for having a vehicle registered and not having insurance on it.”

Customer: “How the h*** would they know?”

Me: “All insurance companies that operate in the state of Maryland are required to report when policies start and end on vehicles.”

Customer: “So, you told them to fine me. You guys are going to pay this fine, then. Why was my policy cancelled in the first place?”

Me: “The policy cancelled due to non-payment. And we don’t tell the state to fine you; we can only report your insurance status with us. For all we knew, you reinsured elsewhere.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t. So, you guys are going to pay off my fine and tell MVA that I have insurance so that I can drive again.”

Me: “We won’t pay the fine for you — it is your responsibility to keep insurance on your car — but I can try to get you reinsured with us.”

Customer: “NO! I don’t need your g**d*** insurance. I let that policy cancel because I realised how much I’ve paid in insurance over the years and never had an accident. I don’t want to be a part of your scam anymore. Just tell the state I have insurance so that I can drive again. And pay my fine; it’s your fault, anyway.”

Me: “You want us to pay $5,000 for you and lie to the state for you so that you can go back to breaking the law?”

Customer: “I’m not paying for your scam anymore! You do what I say!”

Me: “We are not doing that. Have a nice day.”

(My daughter requires glasses to see, so we go in for our regular eye appointment in November. Everything goes well until it comes time to pay for the appointment and glasses, at which point the staff inform me that my daughter’s vision insurance has already been used this year, and therefore won’t cover her new glasses. Confused, since her last appointment was fourteen months ago — definitely over a year — I head home to contact our insurance company to get things straightened out.)

Me: “I’m trying to figure out why my daughter’s insurance has been marked as used this year. Our last appointment was in September of last year, fourteen months ago.”

Insurance Rep: “Oh, we have an appointment on file from January of this year, so her insurance has already been used.”

Me: “But we didn’t have any eye appointment in January. Something’s not right here.”

Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You had an appointment in January, so you have to wait until next year to use her insurance again.”

Me: “And I’m telling you her last vision appointment was September of last year. We didn’t have any January appointment. Your records are wrong.”

Insurance Rep: “Give me a moment to check.”

(She puts me on hold for a while as she looks into this.)

Insurance Rep: “I don’t know what to tell you. You used her coverage for an appointment in January at a clinic in Missouri.”

Me: “We live in Georgia. We haven’t been to Missouri in the last year, let alone for a vision appointment. Who was the appointment for?”

Insurance Rep: “Oh, [Male Name, nowhere near my daughter’s relatively unique name].”

Me: “That’s not my daughter.”

Insurance Rep: “Oh. Let me look into this some more.”

(She puts me on hold again.)

Insurance Rep: “Okay, so, it looks like that vision clinic put the wrong patient information in when they filed his appointment.”

Me: “So, this is going to be fixed, and my daughter can get her glasses, right?”

Insurance Rep: “Unfortunately, it’s going to take six weeks or more to correct this error.”

Me: “But that puts us in next year, and my daughter needs her glasses.”

Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry, but that’s the best we can do.”

Me: “Even though it was your company’s mistake?”

Insurance Rep: “I’m sorry. Perhaps you can work something out with your vision clinic in the meantime?”

Me: “Fine.”

(Luckily, the vision clinic is at least willing to work with me on a reimbursement plan that will allow us to get the glasses now and have the insurance company cover the cost once they finally get around to fixing the problem without it applying against the next year. But aside from our insurance company not realizing that an adult man in Missouri is not my 10-year-old daughter in Georgia, the real gem is what happens when my husband calls the insurance company for a follow-up.)

Husband: “So, how can we be sure this doesn’t happen again next year?”

Insurance Rep #2: “You’ll just have to call in every now and then to make sure her insurance hasn’t been used yet.”

Husband: “You mean you don’t have anything in place to make sure that my daughter’s insurance doesn’t get accidentally applied to someone else’s appointment in another state?”

Insurance Rep #2: “No, sorry.”

Husband: “So, you’re making us do your job.”