Defrauding A Village In Order To Save It

, , , , | Right | October 9, 2009

(A customer calls in wanting to cancel her son’s car insurance. After going back and forth for twenty minutes, she asks to speak to me, the manager.)

Me: “Thank you for holding, Mrs. [Caller].”

Caller: “I want to cancel my son’s car insurance. Why won’t you let me?”

Me: “Because the insurance is a legally binding contract between us and your son, and only he has the legal authority to cancel the contract.”

Caller: “But he’s been in London for months and won’t be back until next year. The car’s just sitting there!”

Me: “Well, we would need your son to cancel or authorise you to act on his behalf. He can call us on [number], or he could send us a fax with the details.”

Caller: “Don’t be ridiculous; he can’t call from England! I’m his mother! I should be able to do it for him.”

(We go round and round in circles for another fifteen minutes, then…)

Caller: “I’m going to sue you for sexual discrimination!”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “I’m going to sue you AND your company for sexual discrimination.”

Me: “Um, on what grounds?”

Caller: “Because if I had gotten my husband to ring you, he could have pretended to be our son and you wouldn’t have known it wasn’t him. I’m a woman and can’t impersonate my son, and that’s sexual discrimination!”

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It Was All Just A Blur

, , , | Legal Right | October 8, 2009

Me: “All right, ma’am, have had any accidents or violations in the last three years?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, do you remember getting pulled over for any reason?”

Customer: “I already told you, I don’t know. Now, how much is the insurance?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but before I could know what the rate is, I have to know what your driving history is.”

Customer: “What does it matter? Just throw on a speeding ticket or two and call it a day!”

Me: “Okay. I can do that, but just keep in mind that the quote is only based on the information you provide. If your motor vehicle record comes back different, that could drastically affect the rate.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is it?”

Me: “It comes out to $106 a month.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll take it.”

(I then go to run the reports since she is ready to purchase the policy and find out she has had two DUIs in the past three years, two speeding tickets, one accident, and a suspended license.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the rate is now $486 a month. I would have been able to give you a more accurate quote if I knew about the DUIs.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I thought you just meant speeding tickets. I didn’t realize that DUIs counted. I mean, I wasn’t even speeding when I got them!”

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Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

, | Right Romantic | June 30, 2009

Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “Okay, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

(I run through the details and tell him the price.)

Caller: “Okay, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

Me: “Er… okay.”

Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”

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Hippocrates Is Rolling Over In His Grave

, , , , | Healthy | May 13, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Doctor: “I need to verify my patient’s coverage. Her number is [number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is a problem and I can’t access that account. I will have to forward this issue over to our technical department, and they will get back to you as soon as possible.”

Doctor: “I need this information immediately. Can I talk to them now? It’s very important.”

Me: “I’m sorry, they are very backed up over there and everything is handled in the order it is received. You will be added to the queue and they will get back to you later today.”

Doctor: “What if she was dying and I needed her coverage information? What then?!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, if the patient was dying there in your office, I would hope you would treat her regardless of her insurance coverage.”

Doctor: “Well, yes — I mean… Just make sure they call me today.” *click*

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What’s A Few Years Hard Labor Anyway

, , , , , | Right | May 6, 2009

(I work in the call center of a major insurance company.)

Customer: “I just received this form… What does it mean?”

Me: “That is letting you know how much interest income you received last year which we reported to the IRS.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the IRS to know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re legally obligated to report that information to the IRS.”

Customer: “Do you do everything the government tells you to?!”

Me: “Umm… yes?”

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