Two’s Company, Three’s A Bargain

, | Right Romantic | June 30, 2009

Caller: *on the phone* “I’d like a quote to insure 2 cars. Do I get a discount if it’s for 2 cars?”

Me: “Yes, as long as they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “Okay, first I need a quote for my wife’s car.”

(I run through the details and tell him the price.)

Caller: “Okay, now I need a quote for my girlfriend’s car.”

Me: “Er… okay.”

Caller: “Do I get a discount on the second one, then?”

Me: “Only if they’re registered at the same address.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: *confused* “Do your wife and your girlfriend live at the same address?”

Caller: “What do you think I am? Stupid?”

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What’s A Few Years Hard Labor Anyway

, , , , , | Right | May 6, 2009

(I work in the call center of a major insurance company.)

Customer: “I just received this form… What does it mean?”

Me: “That is letting you know how much interest income you received last year which we reported to the IRS.”

Customer: “But I don’t want the IRS to know!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re legally obligated to report that information to the IRS.”

Customer: “Do you do everything the government tells you to?!”

Me: “Umm… yes?”

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Blood Pressure Go Up, Blood Pressure Go Down

, | Right | April 2, 2009

(I’m calling to clarify information on a form this guy sent in.)

Caller: “Do you realize I’m on the ‘Do Not Call During Dinner’ list!?”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry that–”

Caller: “You f****** insurance agents! Do you realize that [another insurance company] totally f***ed me over?! Do you realize how much money they cost me? Those f****** guys got put in jail and now I have to pay more money!”

Me: “Sir, this has nothing to do with–”

Caller: “I do not like being sold things during dinner!”

Me: “Sir, I am not trying to sell you anything–”

Caller: “All you f****** insurance people just want to roll me over and sodomize me!”

Me: “Sir, this is on behalf of your existing company, and it’s regarding a form you yourself sent in. I have it in front of me now and I just had a few questions.”

Caller: *totally friendly* “Oh! Well, why didn’t you say so?”

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Close Encounters Of The Dumb Kind

, , , | Right | February 27, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support.”

Customer: “Um… I don’t think you’re going to believe this….”

Me: “What seems to be the issue today?”

Customer: “I think my computer was abducted!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I went to bed last night and my computer was on my dining room table. I woke up this morning late for work and rushed out the door. As I backed out of the driveway, I heard a crunch, and I figured it was a trash can or something.”

Me: “…Okay. And what does this have to do with your computer, sir?”

Customer: “Well, when I checked it out it was my computer under the back tire. But I swear that it was still inside the house when I went to bed last night!”

Me: “Okay, sir, unfortunately, your warranty does not cover extraterrestrial damage, so any repairs to the computer will have to be paid with a credit card.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I don’t want it fixed! I just wanted to let you know that your computers attract aliens. My insurance company already replaced it. I’m just waiting for it to arrive now.” *click*

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Like A Dog Chasing Its Own Tail

, , , | Right | February 6, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; [My Name] speaking. How may I…”

Client: *thick accent* “Yes, hello? Are you there?”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “I just tried purchase insurance.”

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “It said error.”

Me: “Okay, what else does it say?”

Caller: “Just error.”

Me: “Well, that can be anything. Normally it says more specific details. Is there anything else it says?”

Caller: “I think it has something to do with the beneficiary part.”

Me: “You mean for the life insurance portion?”

Caller: “Yes. I put myself as the beneficiary for my policy. Isn’t that what I’m supposed to put?”

Me: “So, you put yourself as the person who receives the money if you die?”

Caller: “Yes. Isn’t that right?”

Me: *facepalm*

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