Their Policy’s Days Are Numbered

, , , | Right | March 18, 2011

Me: “Thank you for calling [Insurance Company]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “I have a question about my policy.”

Me: “I can help you with that. Do you have your policy number?”

(There’s a long pause. I can hear the ruffle of papers.)

Caller: *shouting* “God d*** it!”

Me: “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.

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Hopefully, Acts Of God Are Covered

, , , , | Right | March 15, 2011

Me: “Would you like to get a protection plan? Just in case anything happens to your GPS.”

Customer: “No, I’ll just pray over it. The blood of Jesus is the best protection there is.”

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Throw Your Claims Up At Me

, , | Right | February 18, 2011

(I am asking a customer if there were any independent witnesses to an accident. To make it clear, an independent witness is one not known previously to either party.)

Me: “Were there any independent witnesses?”

Customer: “Well, there was a 92-year-old woman.”

Me: “Excellent. Is she known to either party?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. I was taking her for her weekly shop at the time.”

Me: “Right. Well, I don’t think we can class her as an independent witness but we can still take a statement if necessary.”

Customer: “Oh, but she is independent! She lives by herself and does all her housework by herself! We only help out with taking her shopping because she can’t drive!”

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Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 4

, , , , , , , | Right | January 10, 2011

Me: “Could I ask why you fled the scene of the accident, sir?”

Customer: “Because I didn’t have no insurance.”

Me: “Wait, didn’t you say earlier that you were driving right now?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…the vehicle from the accident?”

Customer: “Yes, sir.”

Me: “…with no insurance?”

Customer: “What part of ‘Yes, sir,’ do you not understand!?”

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Hawai’i Spell That

, , , , , | Right | January 6, 2011

Customer: “I’d like to add my son to my policy.”

Me: “Okay, what’s his full name as it appears on his license?”

Customer: “Johnathan James Kai’hoalaloai’u Johnson.”

Me: “Can I have you spell the middle name for me?”

Customer: “Which one? He has two middle names.”

Me: “Not James.”

Customer: “K-a-i-h-o, um, a-l, wait. What did I say so far?”

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