(I’m a broke college student supporting myself with student loans, whatever hours I can get at my work-study job, and the small amount of money my parents can spare. Luckily, I’m still on my parents’ insurance. When I get into a bad bike accident and have to get stitches and x-rays at the hospital, their insurance covers the bill. It’s been a couple of months since then when I answer a call from a number I don’t recognize.)

Caller: “Am I speaking to [My Name]?”

Me: “This is her.”

Caller: “My name is [Caller], and I’m calling on behalf of [Debt Collection Agency] about an unpaid medical bill.”

Me: “What? I didn’t think I had any unpaid bills.”

Caller: “The bill is [amount] for an ambulance ride on [date of the bike accident].”

Me: “But my insurance covered that!”

Caller: “Sometimes insurance doesn’t cover certain services, like ambulances, if they are seen as unnecessary.”

(The ambulance was definitely necessary since there was a suspicion at the time that I’d seriously injured my neck and I was bleeding profusely from my head.)

Caller: “The billing department attempted to contact you multiple times, but you’ve consistently ignored them. Now the bill has been sent to us, and it will negatively affect your credit. However, if you pay it right now, we can try to remove it from your credit report. How will you be paying today, [Card #1] or [Card #2]?”

Me: “Um, I won’t be paying today. I need to contact my insurance company to see what’s going on. This should have been covered, and I’ve never heard of it before today.”

Caller: “If you don’t pay today, your credit will be negatively affected. You will never be able to get a loan, a mortgage, or a credit card.”

Me: “I need to talk to my insurance company before I do anything.”

(He keeps trying to convince me, so I eventually just hang up. I contact my insurance company and find that no claim was ever submitted for the ambulance trip and that they would have covered it if it was. Then, I call the hospital billing department to figure this out. It takes a very long time to reach the right person, but I finally find out what happened.

In an amazing display of incompetence, someone had billed it to the wrong insurance company in the wrong state using the wrong contact details. Obviously, that claim was denied, so they sent the bill to whatever address they’d written on the claim. With this level of screwing up, I’m guessing they mixed up my file with someone else’s.

Luckily, the person I talk to is more helpful, and she gets all the information she needs to submit the claim to my real insurance. She also promises to take the whole incident off my credit report once everything’s done. However, it will take several weeks at the very least for the claim to go through. In the meantime, I get another call several days later from the same bill collector.)

Caller: *after making sure he’s speaking to me* “Our records indicate that you still haven’t paid your bill. What payment method–”

Me: *cutting him off before he can get too far into this* “I’ve contacted my insurance and the hospital’s billing department and gotten the whole thing sorted out. There was a billing mistake. Many, in fact. But the claim has been properly submitted to my insurance now. It just takes a while to go through.”

Caller: “Well, you still haven’t paid. It’s on your credit report. I can’t take it off at this point since you’ve refused to pay it once already, but paying today will make sure your credit doesn’t get even worse. How will you be paying today, [Card #1] or [Card #2]?”

Me: “As I said, my insurance is paying it. We just have to wait for the claim to go through.”

Caller: “But your credit–”

Me: “The billing department said they’d take it off my credit report completely, as they’re the ones who made the mistake.”

Caller: “I’m looking at your credit report right now, and it’s not looking good.”

Me: “The claim was only submitted a few days ago. It hasn’t gone through yet.”

Caller: “If you pay in full right now, this will go away immediately. No need to wait for the claim to go through.”

Me: “Hold on. You want me to pay for something that I never needed to pay for in the first place, just to speed things up? That’s ridiculous! And even if I was going to pay, it’s not like I have that kind of money just lying around.”

Caller: “Surely you have some jewelry or electronics you could sell. I can give you the address of a pawn shop nearby.”

Me: “What? No! I didn’t mean I intended to pay you. My insurance is paying it directly to the hospital. We all just have to be patient.”

(This went back and forth for a while. It became clear that he was working on commission and wouldn’t get any money if the bill was paid through the insurance company. Eventually, I just had to hang up on him again, since it was obvious he was not giving up. He continued to call me multiple times a day for weeks, sometimes during class. Finally, the claim went through, and the debt collector stopped calling.)

(I am a licensed insurance agent. I have a client who was involved in a car accident in which he was not at fault. The other driver’s insurance company is responsible for repairing his vehicle. He calls me over a year after the accident and tells me that he is not having any luck with the other company. My agency prides itself on going above and beyond in order to provide excellent customer service. I spend over an hour tracking down a supervisor at the other company, who explains that their claim had been closed by mistake. She reopens her claim and promises that she will have someone call my client. I call him back and let him know to expect a call from the other company. Two days later, he calls me and tells me that no one has called him. I get the other company’s supervisor back on the line. She tells me that her employee called my client the previous day at a particular time and left a voicemail, and also sent him an email. I call him again.)

Me: “The other company called you yesterday at [time] and left you a voicemail. Did you receive it?”

Customer: “I have voicemail set up, but I don’t know how to check it. Can you tell them to call me again?”

Me: “Did you get a call yesterday at [time]?”

Customer: “Yes, I did, but I don’t answer the phone if I don’t recognize the number. Too many telemarketers.”

Me: “They also sent you an email. Check that, and it will give you the number to call them back.”

Customer: “I have email set up, but I know how to check it. Just tell them to call me again.”

(This scenario repeats again two days later, with him unable to check voicemail or email, and not answering a phone number he doesn’t recognize.)

Me: “[Customer], you are going to have to answer the phone in order to talk to them and get your vehicle repaired.”

Customer: “I’ll try, but I really hate telemarketers, so I don’t like to answer numbers I don’t recognize.”

Me: *facepalm*

(I work in an insurance call center. As a call taker, the first thing I need to do is verify the caller is either the owner or authorized person on the policy. Whilst we do get people attempting to access information fraudulently, most of the time it’s simply an individual who can’t be bothered trying to explain to their elderly, hard-of-hearing relative or non-English-speaking relative that they need to be authorized to speak to us. We cannot outright accuse someone of acting fraudulently, especially if they correctly answer the security questions. It’s frustrating for us, so I developed a way of checking that never fails to result in them hanging up.)

Caller: *clearly very male voice, not elderly* “Yes, my name is [Female Name], [account number], [birth date that would make this person much older than they sound].”

Me: “Thank you for calling, Mrs. [Female Name]. How can I help today?”

(I note that there are no authorized persons on the policy)

Caller: “I need to change my address.”

Me: “I can certainly take care of that for you, Mrs. [Female Name]. While I am making that change for you, may I double-check that I have the correct date of birth for you?”

Caller: “Um… yes… it’s…” *pause, a rustle of paper* “[Birth date].”

Me: “Great, thank you. May I also ask a personal question?”

Caller: *tone slightly uncomfortable* “Yeah, what is it?”

Me: “Do you identify as male, female, or other, Mrs. [Female Name]? We’re able to update that for you with no paperwork. We like to ensure we are using your preferred pronouns.”

Caller: “…” *click* 

(Never failed.)

(My dad has recently suffered a head injury; I have been granted power of attorney until he recovers. As he is now unable to drive, I have decided to cancel his car insurance. I call up to see what the process is for confirming my ability to manage his policy.)

Insurance Agent #1: “Hello, this is [Insurance Agent #1]. Could I please take your policy number?”

Me: Hi. I’m calling with regards to my dad. He’s just had an–”

Insurance Agent #1: We are unable to discuss someone else’s policy with you, unless you have been previously approved.”

Me: “Yes. I understand–”

Insurance Agent #1: “Are you approved?”

Me: “No, but–”

Insurance Agent #1: “Then we cannot discuss your father’s policy with you.”

Me: “If I could please explain–”

Insurance Agent #1: “We cannot discuss someone else’s policy with you.”

Me: “Please, I’m just needing–”

Insurance Agent #1: “We cannot discuss someone else’s policy with you.”

Me: “Could I speak to someone else, please?”

Insurance Agent #1: ‘We cannot–”

Me: “I would like to speak to someone else.”

Insurance Agent #1: “Please hold.”

(I’m put on hold for about five minutes.)

Insurance Agent #2:  “Hello. You’re speaking to [Insurance Agent #2]. How can I assist you today?”

(I explain the issue and she is silent throughout with the exception of the occasional, “Ah,” and, “I see.”)

Insurance Agent #2: “I’m afraid I haven’t dealt with this before. I’ll just quickly put you on hold.” *assuming she fails to put me on hold and doesn’t realise* “She wants to know about power of attorney, you oaf!”

(Realising she’s talking to the previous agent, I burst out laughing. She panicked and profusely apologised. I told her it was fine and that it had brightened my mood. She put me on hold again — this time for real — and came back with everything I needed a couple of minutes later.)

(I work in a pharmacy. The national Finnish health insurance covers certain medicines — insulin, medicine for glaucoma, etc. — almost 100%; you only pay 4,50 euros for three months’ use. But there is a price range the insurance covers and if there are less expensive generic alternatives, the insurance covers only the cheapest for 4,50€. You can still have the more expensive brand, but you have to pay the price difference yourself. Some medicines don’t have generic alternatives for years, but when they eventually come available, this is often the discussion:)

Me: “This eyedrop used to be 4,50€ but now there’s another brand that is 19€ cheaper so the health insurance covers only the cheaper one for that price. If you don’t want to change brands, you have to pay 4,50€ plus 19€; that is 23,50€.”

Patient: “Okay, I don’t want to change brands; I want to talk with my doctor first. I’ll take the original.”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine. You can have either one, but for the original, you now have to pay 23,50€.”

Patient: “Yes, but I don’t want another brand. I’ll just take the original today and talk with my doctor about the generic alternative. I’ve always used [Brand]. I’ll take that one.”

Me: “All right. I understand the situation. There used to be only [Brand] but last month [Cheaper Brand] became available and they set their price much lower. That is why the health insurance doesn’t cover the original [Brand] anymore, even though it used to cost only 4,50€. But you can still always choose the original one if you want. It’s just a bit more expensive now.” *enters the original brand on the computer and sends the customer to pay*

(An hour goes by and the telephone rings:)

Patient: “Yeah, I was there earlier and bought my glaucoma drops. They should be 4,50€ but it says on the receipt that I paid 23,50€ ! Why was it so much?”

Me: “…” *loses a little bit more faith in humanity every time*