Life Before Google Street Views

| | Right | July 3, 2008

(I work in an insurance agency in the middle of a downtown shopping district. A customer called and asked to be transferred to the agent with the desk by the window.)

Me: “Hi, this is ***** speaking. Can I get your last name, please?”

Customer: “It’s Clark, but what do you need that for?”

Me: “Well, each agent deals with a different segment of the alphabet, so clients with last names beginning with A-H go to Joan. I will need to transfer you.”

Customer: “Does Joan have a desk by the window?”

Me: “Uh… no, ma’am, but she will have all of your files.¬†If you can hold for a moment, I will transfer you.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want to talk to Joan. I want to talk to you. You are the one who sits near the window, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes, but as I said–”

Customer: “Look, I don’t want to talk to anyone but you!¬†Joan doesn’t sit near the window, so she can’t help me. I need to talk to someone who has view of the street.”

Me: “Um, okay–”

Customer: “Now if you are done, would you please tell me what the name of the curtain shop across the street from you is called?”

Me: “Huh? Uh, Country Curtains.”

Customer: “Thank you. Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” *hangs up*

Me: “…”

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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2008

Woman: *on phone* “You guys need to take that at-fault accident off my record.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. You’ll have to dispute that with the DMV.”

Woman: “What’s that?”

Me: “The Department of Motor Vehicles.”

Woman: “Why can’t you take it off? You were the one put it on there.”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t put anything on your record. The DMV did. What happened in that accident?”

Woman: “I bumped into someone.”

Me: “So you rear-ended someone? What were you doing?”

Woman: “Drinking a beer.”

Me: “Drinking a beer? While driving? Ma’am, if you rear-ended someone and had an open container of alcohol in your car it would be two violations, possibly three.”

Woman: “See? There you go again, puttin’ stuff on my record.”

Me: “Right.”

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If Exes Ruled The World

, | | Right | May 5, 2008

Customer: “I want to cancel my ex-husband’s policy.”

Me: “Are you on the policy with him?”

Customer: “No, but his new girlfriend is. That’s why I’d like it canceled.”

Me: “You can’t cancel a policy that isn’t yours.”

Customer: “Why not?! It used to be my policy!”

Me: “Well, because you no longer have authorization to make such a change.”

Customer: “Well, he didn’t have authorization to bring that ***** into my house, but he did it anyways. I’m pretty sure you can cancel his policy.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure you need to see a therapist. Thanks for calling.”

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