Checks & Dalliances

| UK | Working | December 26, 2012

(Two months after submitting an accident report form following a minor accident, my insurer starts sending me duplicate forms to fill in. After receiving a second group of forms, I call them.)

Employee: “How can I help you?”

Me: “Please stop sending me accident report forms.”

Employee: “Oh, so you don’t like them?”

Me: “I’ve already filled one in, and sent you supplementary evidence.”

Employee: “The system says it’s not been received.”

Me: “That’s certainly not the case.”

Employee: “Just because you’ve sent it to us doesn’t mean we’ve received it.”

Me: “I’ve already discussed the contents with one of your staff.”

Employee: “Ah, in that case… yes, here it is, on the system! Definitely received. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Death Of An Insurance Salesman

| ON, Canada | Right | November 23, 2012

(I work for a very large insurance company. An angry client calls in with a thick foreign accent. Note that my trouble understanding her is making her aggravated.)

Client: “Why haven’t you paid me my insurance money?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not really understanding the question. Could you clarify a little more for me?”

Client: “You must pay me the $100,000 for my insurance!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are the insured person on this policy. Who is it that has passed?”

Client: “No one passes! I need you to pay me my insurance.”

(This continues back and forth for five minutes.)

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t pay you the money from your life insurance policy for the same reason you cannot bury a man living in the USA in Canada.”

Client: “Why not?!”

Me: “Because you’re not dead.”

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Oblivious To The Obvious

| UT, USA | Right | November 14, 2012

Me: “Hi, this is [name]from [insurance company]. I’m calling because your policy cancelled for non-payment of premium.”

Client: “Again?! This happens every month! It’s not my fault though. Can you tell them it’s not my fault?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Client: “See, each time my payment has been due, I’ve been in jail. My probation officer is an a**. Every time I do something illegal he throws me in jail. Every single time!”

Me: “I can set you up on automatic withdrawal from your bank just in case.”

Client: “No, I rarely have money. How can I avoid this happening again in the future?”

Me: “Pay your bill on time?”

Client: “But, what about the jail thing?”

Me: “Um… stop breaking the law?”

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Acts Of God

| Australia | Right | November 1, 2012

(My job is to process insurance claims made for home and contents damages only. I make an out-bound call.)

Me: “Good afternoon, this is [me] from [company] calling. Is [customer] available, please?”

Customer: “Speaking.”

Me: “Oh, good afternoon. I’m just calling in regards to the recent insurance claim made for your ‘outhouse.’ Do you have a few minutes?”

Customer: “Certainly.”

Me: “Okay, fantastic. We have received the report from [builder] regarding the damages to your ‘outhouse.’ In this report they have identified that the ‘outhouse’ in question is in fact a caravan and not an ‘outhouse.’ In light of this I’m calling to advise that it isn’t covered by your home insurance.”

Customer: *clearly doesn’t understand this* “But I use it as an outhouse, it hasn’t moved in the last 34 years. I use it to help those in need for a shelter for an evening or two. I’m doing God’s work here. It’s an outhouse.”

Me: “Ma’am, I understand that, and whilst I respect the use that you put it to, it doesn’t change the fact that it is in fact, a caravan. We won’t be able to provide coverage in this instance.”

Customer: “But I’m doing God’s work! Do you hate God? Are you a heathen?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I do not hate God. I am not religious and whilst I respect that you are, religion has nothing to do with insurance. For your caravan to be covered in future by [company] you will need to purchase caravan insurance for it, but I must advise you that if you purchase this now, all pre-existing damage will not be covered.”

Customer: “HEATHEN!” *click*

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Postage Duh-e

, | Germany | Working | October 22, 2012

(I’m calling my health insurance company, which is located about 500 km away from Berlin. I have just moved to Berlin a month ago and have not yet changed my address.)

Worker: “This is [health insurance company]. You’re speaking with [name]. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hi, this is [my name]. I need a certificate of entitlement to benefits in kind, during a stay abroad. I’m going to visit Slovenia.”

Worker: “Okay, no problem. That would be E111 form. I’ll send it to you.”

Me: “Thank you, but you have to send it to a different address because I recently moved to Berlin. It’s [Berlin address].

Worker: “Oh, that’s a problem. How do I send the form to Berlin?”

Me: *confused* “Uhm… well, did I mumble? Should I repeat the address?”

Worker: “I got the whole address, but HOW do I send the form to Berlin?”

Me: *jokingly* “…With a carrier pigeon? Or maybe you could write the address on an envelope?”

Worker: “Oh, yes! I could write the address onto the envelope!”

Me: “Great we could work that out. So thanks for your effort.”

(Until I received the letter, I was wondering if she could do it!)

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