I work in car insurance, and we offer smart box policies. Basically, every ninety days, we judge your driving, and if you do good, you’ll get a refund. If you do badly, there’s an additional fee, or there might not be any fee if your score doesn’t change enough.

This guy calls in about his son’s policy. He has a new job and doesn’t want Dangerous Times — between 11:00 pm and 5:00 am — affecting his son.

Me: “That is part of the terms and conditions you agreed to when you took out the policy. Unfortunately, we can’t change them.”

Customer: “Yes, you can!”

We go back and forth for a while.

Customer: “I want the name and contact number for someone high in the company to sort this out.”

Me: “I can’t give you that information, but I can arrange a call back from a manager.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll take it.”

My manager said the exact same thing as I did. He wasn’t a happy bunny.

Customer: “I demand that you escalate my complaint to the highest person possible! I will be contacting my solicitor and my MP (Member of Parliament)!”

Manager: “Okay, be sure to show them a copy of your terms of conditions where we clearly state what you agreed to.”

I had a good laugh when I read my manager’s update. I’m just imagining this guy wasting his money on a solicitor and contacting his MP just for them to shrug and say, “You already agreed to it.”

We are an inbound-only call centre and I work in the sales department. This is exclusively for people looking to take out new policies, but we frequently get calls for other departments because people either don’t know what department they need or don’t want to listen through the options. This leads to our queue being quite long most days.

Customer: “Finally! Why does it always take so long for you guys to answer the phone? I’ve been waiting for like an hour!”

The call timer shows he entered our department’s queue only ten minutes ago, but I don’t mention this.

Me: “I’m sorry about the wait, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a policy with you.”

I wait, expecting more information, but I realise none is coming.

Me: “And how can I help you with that?”

Customer: “Well, I need to make a claim, obviously!”

Me: “In that case, sir, I’ll need to transfer you to our claims team. There will be a short hold.”

Customer: “No! Don’t you dare put me on hold! I’m not waiting any longer. I’ll give you the details so you can log it for me.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir. The claims department uses a completely separate system from us and I’ve not been trained for it.”

Customer: “Then you can just take the details now and pass on the details to them. I don’t have time for this.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but as you pointed out at the beginning of the call, we have a bit of a wait for this line. I can’t take myself away from customers that actually need something from this line, but the claims team isn’t a busy as us today, so you should get through fairly quickly.”

Customer: “I told you I’m not waiting!”

He then began to tell me the claim details, screamed at me to pass it on, and hung up. I hadn’t even brought up a policy for him or gone through security, so even if I was trained for that line, I wouldn’t have been able to log it.

I work in customer service in a call center for three well-known car brands.

Customer: “My engine broke and has to be replaced. I want you to pay for the repair. This is clearly a manufacturing defect, and I’m a good client!”

Normally, we help loyal/good clients who have done their car’s maintenance on the brand. Often, we do not even care that it has been on the brand, simply that the procedures indicated by the brand have been done. So, we opened the process and contacted the repairman so that he could send us the maintenance invoices and the repair invoice so that we could analyze how much to contribute.

The car was twelve years old, had around 500,000 km (over 300,000 miles) on it, and had had six maintenances done; it should have had twelve. The customer had chosen the most expensive engine possible, and the repair cost more than €10,000.

We had that process open for two weeks because the client kept calling demanding that we pay him 100% of the repair. Obviously, we did not pay him anything. He ended up threatening to take us to court. We told him that a better option was to buy a new car with the money he would spend on lawyers to win that case. We haven’t heard from him again… for now, at least.

I work in the office of a major insurance company, in the home department. I take a call that starts out fairly normal.

Caller: “Can you tell me if my TV is covered if I drop it?”

Usually, this means that the customer has dropped their TV but isn’t sure it’s covered. I pull up their policy.

Me: “Yes, I can confirm that you have accidental damage on your policy.”

The next sound on the line is an almighty crash: the sound of a television being dropped. There is another voice in the room talking to the caller.

Other Voice: “Does it look broken enough?”

Caller: “No, drop it again.”

Second almighty crash. I can hardly believe what I have heard.

Caller: “Oh, s***! The phone!”

The customer swiftly hangs up. Just a couple of minutes later, they phone again.

Caller: “Hello, [Insurance Company]? I just dropped my TV.”

Me: *In my politest tone* “Yes, madam, I heard; I was the agent who took your last call.”

Caller: “I want to claim on my policy.”

Me: “No, madam, you do not want to claim on your policy, not after what I just heard. All our calls are recorded.”

Caller: “No, I WANT TO CLAIM!”

Me: “Madam, before you decide to do that, I am going to send you, free of charge, a recording of your last call. You may then decide whether or not to go ahead with your claim.”

The recording was burned onto a CD and sent out to the customer. Oddly enough, she decided not to proceed with her claim.

I work at a company that offers roadside assistance insurance. We cover the roadside assistance and some additional stuff, but not the repairs at the garage. Repatriation of the car is very expensive, so it only happens if the value of the car outweighs the costs.

A client has called in, sounding very surprised.

Client: “The garage isn’t willing to repair my car!”

We take down the car information and discover that the client is on a trip and they had bought the car for the staggering amount of… fifty euros!

Me: “Sir, this isn’t worth repatriating.”

Caller: “But I have coverage!”

Me: “Sir, if someone was willing to sell a car to you for fifty euros, the seller either knew it was worthless anyway, or they were a heroin junkie.”