Give Them Exactly What They Ask For And Wait For The Implosion
I once worked at a company that handled customer service for a health insurance company. One of the functions was to look up physicians in that company’s healthcare network for callers/subscribers. I had a female caller who called looking for some type of specialist in the area. I could tell from her tone of voice that she was A) rude, and B) going to be hard to handle, but I was pretty experienced at handling rude or troublesome callers, so I wasn’t too worried.
She gave me the details of what she was looking for (very reluctantly) and told me what mileage radius she wanted the physician to be within, etc. Then, as I was getting ready to start the database search, she added:
Caller: “And make sure the doctor has an English-sounding name and speaks fluent English.”
I was floored and blurted:
Me: “Huh?”
She repeated what she said.
Caller: “I don’t want anyone whose name isn’t American.”
At this point, I was thinking, “WTF?” but I pressed on.
Me: “I’ll be quiet for a few minutes while searching the database, but if you have questions in the meantime, I’ll still be on the line.”
After about two or three minutes, she snarled:
Caller: “Well?”
Me: “I’m about ten pages into the directory, but so far, I’ve found only find one doctor with an English-sounding name within twenty-five miles of your address, a doctor named Smith.”
Caller: “That’s very upsetting! Does [Health Insurance Company] only deal with doctors who are foreign and don’t speak English so that people like me get screwed by the system?”
Me: “…I will continue reviewing the list.”
Caller: *Angrily* “Just give me the first five names on the list!”
I provided them.
Caller: “The third name on this list is a Dr. O’Brien! Why didn’t you give me that name?!”
Me: “You specifically asked for an English-sounding doctor who could speak fluent English. O’Brien is obviously an Irish name, and our system has no way to determine how fluent their English is.”
The next thing I heard was dial tone.