When A Mad TV Sketch Goes Awry

, , , , | Romantic | March 3, 2020

(I work in a third-party call center as a sales rep for a major cell phone provider. I am a female in my mid-twenties and I grew up in the country. I’m talking with a guy who sounds like he’s from the inner big city. I have no problem with the inner city; it just helps set the scene. The call has gone like it normally does but without a sale because the customer doesn’t have enough money to put down on the phone he wants: an iPhone, what else? Cue eye roll.)

Me: “Well, I’m sorry we couldn’t set you up today, [Customer]. Do you have any other questions for me?”

Customer: “Yeah, what’s your phone number?”

Me: “Um, it’s 1-800 [Cell Phone Carrier].”

Customer: “No, yours, baby girl!”

Me: “Mine?”

Customer: “Yeah, you sound hot and just my type!”

Me: “Okay, first of all, that’s against company policy, and second of all, do you realize how sad that sounds?”

Customer: “Uh…”

Me: “You should really base your feelings on getting to know a girl’s mind and heart rather than sound and looks. If you want to actually spend time with someone for long periods, wouldn’t it make more sense to actually like them as a person?”

Customer: “Well, when you put it that way… I guess you’re right. I’m sorry.”

Me: “I appreciate the compliment, but I hope you put more thought into what you say in the future. Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Carrier]; we hope to hear from you again!”

(I got an earful from my supervisor even though she was trying really hard not to laugh. I didn’t get into too much trouble because I was still technically in the training period, and she told her boss that I was still getting a feel for how to deescalate uncomfortable situations. I was further trained to just say, “Thanks, but I’m married,” and I still use that now even though I’m no longer there. It’s true, I am happily married, but even that doesn’t seem to stop people.)

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“Right Now” Is A Staple Of Copy Shops

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2020

(A customer comes in with a folder of stapled bundles of paper.)

Customer: “I need copies of these.”

Me: “Okay, and would you like to keep the copies the same as your originals? In stapled packages like this?”

Customer: “Yes, please.”

Me: “Okay, and do you need it today?”

Customer: “Oh, I need it right now.”

Me: “I can certainly start it right now, but I can’t have it done right away for you. Something like this is a bit more time-consuming.”

Customer: “What’s time consuming about it?!”

Me: “Well, I have to take the staples out and copy each package individually, and I’m assuming you want the originals re-stapled?”

Customer: “Ugh, this is ridiculous! You’re saying you can’t do it right now?”

Me: “I can definitely start it right now; I’ll take them to the copier right away. But like I said, it’s a bit more time consuming and takes more attention. I can guarantee it in an hour if you like. But it—”

Customer: *cutting me off* “It’s going to take a whole hour?!”

Me: “I can guarantee it in an hour, but I might have it done in less time.”

Customer: “Fine! I guess I don’t have any other option!”

(I quickly fill out an order form.)

Me: “And is this your cell phone number? I can call you as soon as it’s done.”

Customer: “Oh, I’m going to stand right here while you do it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(The job is going smoothly, and the store isn’t busy at the beginning, and I’m dreading her saying something snarky about how it didn’t take long like I said it would. Before I get too far into the order, I hear her on her phone talking loudly:)

Customer: “I’m waiting for them to try and get my order done because I needed it yesterday and this is getting ridiculous.”

(When I was halfway through her order, a line-up formed and I had to stop to book in a complicated order for someone else and also do a passport photo. It took me a little over half an hour to get her job completed in between and after other customers. She was really nice to me when I brought it over to her, I think because she realized she was being rude. But I’m SUPER glad that she stayed so she could witness what it’s like for us behind the counter, and why I don’t tell customers I can do their orders for them on the spot. Just because it isn’t busy at one moment, it doesn’t mean it’ll stay like that. Other customers exist, too.)

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Be Careful Of Who Knows Whom…

, , , , | Working | March 2, 2020

(I’m on some VERY strong pain meds, so I’m in a blissful daze. My boyfriend is with me since he drives and is much more coherent than me. We go to a popular fast food chain for food. They’ve recently installed self-serve kiosks, which we prefer to use as the employees of this store seem to never get our order right. We start ordering on it.)

Employee: “Oh, I can help you here!”

Boyfriend: “We’ll just use this, thanks!”

Employee: “Are you sure? This way you don’t have to deal with the machine!”

Boyfriend: “We’re sure.”

(Ordering takes a minute, as I can’t figure out what I want. I probably spend a good five minutes just staring at the menu, but we finally place our order. My boyfriend gets me to a table and we wait for our food, since they’ve started bringing it to the table. After a few minutes, we see the cashier start over with our tray. She SLAMS it down on the table, barely missing my hand.)

Cashier: “You f****** druggies coming in and wasting our time. Probably gonna leave a mess here and make us clean it up.”

(She then calmly walks back to the register. My boyfriend sits in shocked silence for a minute and then goes up to the counter.)

Boyfriend: “Manager. Now.”

Cashier: “Nope. I don’t have to.”

Boyfriend: “Really?” *turns to the kitchen* “CAN I GET A MANAGER UP HERE, PLEASE?!”

(A man not in the basic uniform comes over, looking annoyed.)

Manager: “What’s wrong?”

Boyfriend: “Apparently, your cashier. She nearly slammed our food down on my girlfriend’s hand simply because she was a ‘druggie.’”

Manager: “So?”

Boyfriend: “…so, you’re okay with your employee nearly harming someone over a false assumption and then berating her for it?”

Manager: “We get too many drug users in here. If she scares a few off, good!”

Boyfriend: “My girlfriend is not a drug user. You know what? I think I’ll call [Owner].”

(It turns out, my boyfriend knows the owner of the franchise through some work connections. Sure enough, he dials the number and puts it on speaker.)

Boyfriend: “Sorry to bother you outside of work hours, [Owner].”

Owner: “Oh, that’s no problem. What’s up, [Boyfriend]?”

Boyfriend: “Well, I’m at [location], and I’m having an issue with your staff.”

(He repeats the incident, including the manager’s reaction. The franchise owner is silent for a second.)

Owner: “[Manager], is this true?”

Manager: “Well, they are a problem! He’s probably covering for her!”

Owner: “I know for a fact he isn’t. Now, you’re gonna refund their entire order. I’ll be over in a bit to deal with you.”

(The manager gave him a refund, glaring at us the whole time. We ended up leaving with our food, since I was anxious about being there. Next time we went in, there was an entirely new crew working. We never had a problem after that.)

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We Got You PINned

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2020

(While working as one of the front end managers, I am called over to a register by one of our cashiers in need of assistance with a difficult customer.)

Me: “Hello, I’m one of the managers. How can I help you, miss?” 

Customer: “Yes! She refused to swipe my debit card!” *pointing to our terrified cashier*

Me: “Miss, we have the PIN pad here for you to swipe your form of payment, select a cashback option or digital coupon—”

Customer: “Fine! I spend plenty of money here; she could at least swipe my card!” 

(The customer swipes her card and stares at me through large sunglasses indoors while sipping expensive coffee. After about a minute of nothing happening, I spin the PIN pad around to see the PIN spot blank.)

Me: “It’s asking for your debit PIN, if you can put it in here…”

Customer: “Haha, oh! What, she can’t do that, either?!” 

Me: “Depends. Do you normally give out your bank information and PIN to strangers?” 

(The annoyed customer behind her burst out laughing. She slammed in her four-digit PIN, grabbed her groceries, and left.)

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Too Hot-Blooded To Donate

, , , , | Right | March 2, 2020

(I am between jobs and donating plasma for some extra cash. The majority of people there are not exactly financially very well off. Before you can donate you have to go through a series of tests and questionnaires to ensure you are healthy enough to donate. I’m sitting in the waiting room when an older man storms out from one of the exam rooms.)

Man: “I don’t understand why you are forcing me to go through all of this nonsense! Just hook me up and get on with it!”

Nurse: “Sir, please calm down. Everyone has to go through these—”

Man: “This is no way to run a business! I’ll have you know that I own and run several very successful businesses and would never treat someone who came in like this! Now, are we going to skip this nonsense or are you losing a customer?!”

Nurse: “I’m sorry, sir, but…”

Man: “That’s it! I’m out of here! This is no way to run a business, and I would know!”

(The man begins to storm out past me.)

Me: “Those businesses of yours must not be all that successful if you’re in here selling your blood with the rest of us.”

(The man stared at me, red-faced, for a moment before shoving the door open and storming into the parking lot.)

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