The OP Said It Best: Karma’s A B****

, , , , , | Learning | June 15, 2020

This happened during my uniform group camp when I was in my early teens. The uniform groups of about five schools were camping together in a school for four days and three days.

At the end of the first day, my groupmate’s shower cubicle couldn’t open, leaving him trapped inside. His response was to start pounding on the cubicle door and hollering, “I’m trapped in the toilet! I’m trapped in the toilet!” The boys all found the whole thing beyond hilarious and didn’t help the trapped boy, though he eventually got the lock open and escaped.

He was the butt of all the jokes that night. Thank goodness everyone was too busy laughing at him; I had accidentally packed my mother’s pyjamas and would not have lived it down if anyone noticed.

We expected the mockery to end by the next day, but there was this one schoolmate of mine that just insisted on rubbing it into my groupmate’s face. Every joke about being trapped in a toilet, he cracked, and he laughed non-stop. He was always a jerk, but this was on a whole new level.

And then, on the second night, guess who got trapped in that defective cubicle? My schoolmate, that same boy who kept mocking my groupmate, was now hopping behind the cubicle door, flapping his hands like a chicken and screaming, “Get me out of here! Get me out of here!”

I really couldn’t help myself. I burst out laughing until I started to cry before I ran off to get the teachers. I found them having a coffee break in the canteen, right as one of them said, “Ah, peace and quiet at last.”

I gleefully ruined their peace and quiet by telling them how [Schoolmate] got himself trapped in the toilet. The look on their faces was priceless. One of them actually said, “You just had to jinx us!” to Mr. Peace And Quiet.

The four of them followed me into the washroom, where all the boys were now out of their cubicles in varying states of nudity, laughing at [Schoolmate]’s chicken flapping and jumping. Seeing that nobody was showering, I snuck into one of the opened cubicles and began showering right as the teachers made themselves known.

There was a shriek of “Why are there girls here?” — one of the teachers was female — and then sudden pounding on the shower door as the guy I stole the place from tried to get in and get clothes on.

I ignored him, and he started angrily shouting that he’d kill me. It was about this point that the teachers realised that they couldn’t open the cubicle door no matter how they tried, so one of the teachers returned with an actual crowbar, which the four of them used to force [Schoolmate]’s cubicle open. While everyone was distracted by the crowbar, I snuck out before the guy I stole the shower from could notice.

The very first thing I proceeded to do was to find [Groupmate]. When [Schoolmate] finally stumbled out of the showers, the two of us stood there and threw every single toilet joke he made back in his face. [Schoolmate] then snarled at me, “I mocked [Groupmate] and then I was trapped. Tomorrow will be your turn.”

On day three, I didn’t get trapped. I wasn’t an idiot, and the teachers had declared that one cubicle off-limits anyway.

And to add insult to injury, someone made a play about the whole situation and had it performed in front of the entire uniform group the next year, forever preventing [Schoolmate] from living it down.

Moral of the story: karma is one h*** of a b****.

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Too Bad You’ve Lost Your Inner Child

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 14, 2020

My girlfriend is a bit childish — not as in being immature and acting spoiled, but she likes some things popular with kids and is easily excited.

We’re shopping for shoes we need for our jobs when she spots a huge teddy bear all the way at the other end of the store in the toy section. She races to it like the Roadrunner. It’s blue and purple, and covered in glitter, and I can tell from her huge smile it’s going home with her. She grabs it and carries around instead of putting it in the cart.

We already have our shoes, so we get in line. The line is long, so she talks to me all about the bear — what she’s going to name it, where she’ll put it, hugging it, and going on about how adorable it is. Lots of the other customers are chatting in line, too, so I’m certain we aren’t disturbing anyone until:

Customer Behind Us: “Shut the h*** up!”

The customer is loud enough to draw the whole line’s attention and quiet them.

Customer: “Shut up! Is she f****** mental?!”

Cashier: “Sir, is there a problem?”

Customer: “This d*** girl sounds like a f****** five-year-old! My God, shut the f*** up! No one cares about your f****** toy! It’s for children, not slow people! Are your kids slow like you?”

I realize a total stranger has no way of knowing, but my girlfriend had cancer as a teenager that made her infertile. She didn’t know as a teen if she wanted kids or not, but it’s taken years of therapy for her to not feel she’s “broken” because she couldn’t have them if she wanted. 

Honestly, I want to knock this customer’s teeth out for all of his comments.

Me: “Mind your business! She’s my girlfriend. I like to see her happy, and she can buy whatever she wants. It’s her money.”

This guy kept arguing and insulting my girlfriend, me, and eventually the line of people, who I guess he was mad at for not being on his side. One of the cashiers called for a manager, who asked the nasty customer to leave.

He tried to spin it that we instigated the scene, but some of the other people in line backed us up. The guy argued with the manager for a bit before finally leaving, and the manager apologized to us for the experience.

My girlfriend was quiet for the rest of the time in line, but she smiled when the cashier who checked us out gave her a lollipop.

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A Storm Is Brewing

, , , | Right | June 11, 2020

I have a friend who relayed his experience to me. 

He spills a large black coffee all over himself while helping a customer who is screaming at him. He gives her this look that shuts her up real fast and asks her to have a seat. Her coffee will be ready momentarily; he just needs to brew it for her.

Customer: “I don’t want to wait!”

Friend: *In a happy tune* “The coffee you want now is currently on my pants, shoes, hand, and the floor. I don’t know about you, but if I’m not in a huge rush, two minutes and fifteen seconds wouldn’t kill me.”

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An MBA Doesn’t Mean You Know How To Work Smarter Rather Than Harder

, , , , , , | Working | June 10, 2020

This story was told to me by my father. In the 1990s, he worked for a machinery company in a supervisory position. One requirement of his job was to travel to different warehouses across the country to double-check on productivity. One such location was in Michigan, where the story takes place.

Our tale involves two specific workers. One, [Worker #1], did not graduate high school due to life circumstances and was a very efficient worker in his forties. The other, [Worker #2] was a recent MBA graduate who was rather… vocal about his accomplishments.

Part of the job was to pack order boxes with the specified machines or tools needed and then ship them off. These orders would come in large quantities at a time, all of them containing the same parts. Because of this, the company had a specific way of packing them. Each box had a pack list, and you were required to things in a certain order.

[Worker #1] would do the smart thing — having worked for the company for years — and load up his item cart with empty boxes, then march through the aisles and collect all of one item at once, per cartload. This way he only had to go to each product’s location in the warehouse once per cartload. 

[Worker #12] decided one day that this wasn’t effective. He thought that because he “had an MBA” that he knew better than the guy who’d worked there for years, never mind that [Worker #2] also thought that [Worker #1]’s way was the slower to get more orders out at a time. [Worker #2] seemed to think that it would be faster to grab the items needed per one box at a time. 

After a week of hearing [Worker #2] talk out his backside, Dad decided he’d had enough and made a bet with [Worker #2]. They would finally see who was faster, [Worker #2] or [Worker #1], and the loser would buy everyone on the shift the meal for the day. [Worker #1] was hesitant, because he couldn’t afford to buy that much food. My dad, knowing how this would turn out, told [Worker #1] he’d spot him if they were wrong.

There was no specific number decided on, just that the one who did the most would win and that the end time was lunch. They were each given a cart and a list of orders that needed to be fulfilled by the end of day, and the timer started.

[Worker #1] went off as he always did, cart full of twenty-five empty boxes, and went down the list of items per box. [Worker #2] went out with one box on his cart, loading it with the list before coming in and sending it down the line to be shipped. An hour passed, and [Worker #2] was running around like a headless chicken while [Worker #1] is just calm as can be with the second cart load completed. 

For those keeping score, after the first hour, [Worker #1] had fifty done. [Worker #2] had five. By now, a few of the nearby workers had noticed and were keeping track, as well, taking part in snarking at [Worker #2] as he ran around and in general making fun of his pace, mostly as a means of payback for all the hassle he’d put on [Worker #1].

The lunch bell rang, and as everyone expected, [Worker #1] had beaten [Worker #2] handily. The ninety-eight he did were far better and prepped than the twenty-five [Worker #2] had completed. 

Properly contrite, [Worker #2] was true to his word and paid for lunch for everyone on shift. Dad claims it’s the best meal he’s ever had.

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A Basket Full Of Karma

, , , , , | Right | June 10, 2020

At my thrift store, each department uses secondhand selling websites — eBay, for one — to find out what a particular item seems to be going for in the market, and prices items that way. As such, anyone who tries to haggle is told that we simply don’t do that.

A customer comes in and sees a picnic basket for two behind the counter and asks so see it. It comes with two of each utensil, as well as space for a nice lunch and a bottle of wine to be stored.

Customer: “Wow, I really like that item… but not for [our low price].”

Me: “Sorry, sir, the price is as marked. Housewares determined they’re going for that price when used. We cannot haggle.”

Customer: “Hmm. You know, I bought a new one for [$5 higher than our price], retail price.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

The customer is silent for a beat as he almost obsessively checks and rechecks every inch of the item.

Customer: “Wow. I really do like that. It’s really cool. But not for [our price]… Maybe [half our asking price]. But not [our price].”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we still don’t haggle here.”

He is silent for another beat, obviously waiting to see if I’ll throw in a “but…” in there. When I remain quiet, as well…

Customer: “Well, I really like it, but not for [our price].”

He waits again.

Me: “…”

He finally heaves a very long, very exaggerated sigh and does a full-body sag of epic disappointment and dejection before he reluctantly stops fiddling with the basket:

Customer: “Well, I guess I’ll have to think about it.”

I put it behind the counter once more and say in a falsely cheerful voice:

Me: “Thank you for your interest, sir! If you decide that you really do like it enough to pay our asking price, you just ask me to bring it out for you.”

Customer: “Well, I really do like it. Just not for that price.”

Me: “Have a good day! Bye-bye now!”

I mutter under my breath:

Me: “You don’t actually like it… you just want it cheaper, you cheapskate haggling jerk.”

He comes back the next day, and I can see that he is preparing to sigh over the item again. He oh-so-casually asks if I have talked to Housewares to see if they’d be willing to part with it for his offer, reiterating yet again how MUCH he likes it, and how he just needs us to come down a little on the price.

Me: *Smiling sweetly* “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir! A young gentleman came in two hours ago and bought it already. He said he was going to take a date out for a picnic lunch as soon as the weather turned nice.”

It was a pleasure to see the man’s face fall when he realized how he had missed out. 

It’s actually very common for someone to try wrangling discounts out of us. Some even threaten that no one else would “pay so much money” for the item they want. Almost every single time that happens, someone else will come along and snatch the item up for the asking price without batting an eye.

In our store, you snooze, you lose!

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