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The Fart That Saved The Day

, , , , , , , | Working | April 27, 2022

A group of coworkers tried a new place for lunch. Something I ate there must have been disagreeable. By the time I left work, my stomach was bloated and baby-looking. I have personal issues with blowing up public restrooms, so I did my best to hold it in until the end of the day. I got outside and got stopped by [Nosy Coworker].

Nosy Coworker: “Oh, my gosh, [My Name], that restaurant today—”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Nosy Coworker], I’m not feeling well. I’d really like to just go home.”

I touch my stomach, trying to convey my point without saying it.

Nosy Coworker: “Ooh.” *Winks* “Right, well, you just go on home, baby.”

I know she thinks I’m alluding to morning sickness or something, but at this point, I don’t care. When I get to my car, I pass some gas and my stomach feels much better… but then the passenger door opens and [Nosy Coworker] plops down in the seat.

She takes a deep breath before looking around and then speaks in a dramatic, hushed voice.

Nosy Coworker: “So, when are—”

Her face contorts as her nose registers. She turns red trying to pretend nothing is wrong but also apparently trying to avoid breathing.

I act as if nothing is wrong.

Me: “Yes?”

Nosy Coworker: “Um… I… are you driving around with garbage?”

Me: “No. Why? I don’t smell anything.”

Nosy Coworker: “You… don’t?”

Me: “No.” *Sniffs my armpit for show* “It’s not me.”

Nosy Coworker: *Forcing a polite smile* “You know, I have to go back inside. Have a nice night, [My Name].”

Me: “You, too!”

She exited my car quickly and I drove off. At first, I was embarrassed at the idea that she would now be telling everyone my car smelled bad, but then I realized it may be a gift to have her avoid following me around. And my stomach also recovered overnight.

This Crepe-y Attitude Isn’t Worth The Dough

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Lake_City-Joy | April 27, 2022

I’m seventeen and I got my first job recently. I work as kitchen staff in a dessert store, selling cookie doughs, waffles, ice cream, churros, etc. The store is open from 1:00 pm until midnight because people crave sugar at night, so it gets extremely busy from evening until night.

I work during the evenings and it is very, VERY busy. There will be an insane number of tickets for delivery and in-house orders, so there are usually like three or four people in the kitchen, but yesterday, I was alone with the owner; one of the kitchen staff is on holiday and the others, brothers, caught a certain illness.

So, the owner and I had to handle the kitchen alone. Luckily, the owner was extremely fast with his hands and feet, so we were barely able to keep up with the orders until this particular customer came in alone and made a ridiculous order I didn’t expect.

This particular customer had already had a run-in with my coworker. [Customer] came into the store and demanded to be seated in one of the booths that’s for groups. It was annoying for my coworker because she was busy, and the other front-of-house worker was late so [Coworker] was the only one in the front. The store was bustling with customers and orders, but she just let it slide and let [Customer] sit at the booths.

Throughout the service, [Customer] kept annoying my coworker with stupid questions such as, “Does the strawberry waffle have strawberry?” and “What chocolate does the Nutella waffle have?” and so on.

Even when my coworker was in the middle of talking to another customer, [Customer] would rudely interrupt and ask her more stupid questions, to the point that my coworker had to go to the backroom to calm down before coming back out with a forced smile.

Anyway, this woman made the ridiculous order that made the whole evening go to s***.

This was her exact order.

Customer: “I want a Chocolate Loco Crepe with strawberries and red velvet cookie dough on top.”

ON TOP.

She also got a milkshake, but she didn’t cause an issue over it. It was a Skittle milkshake, but she only wanted the red Skittles.

At first, when I read the ticket, I thought there was an error or something and that it was meant to be two separate orders, so I confirmed it with my coworker.

Me: “Hey, did you make a mistake or something?”

Coworker: “Nope, that’s what she wants. She wants the cookie dough on top.”

I was so confused, but whatever; if it’s what the customer wants, it’s what they want.

There’s a small window from the kitchen to the front of house that we use to communicate and send orders. [Customer] was sitting there, watching. She heard us and approached us knowing that we were talking about her order.

Customer: “Excuse me, I want my order to be thoroughly oven cooked. I don’t want it raw or it’ll give me an upset stomach.”

I thought she was talking about the cookie dough because we cook them in the oven, so I just nodded.

Me: “No problem. I’ll make sure the cookie dough is thoroughly cooked, ma’am.”

Customer: “Uhh, and the crepe?”

Me: “Oh, yes, it’ll be cooked, as well!”

Customer: “Oven-baked, right?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “You’re going to oven bake the crepe, right? Because if you don’t, I won’t be able to eat it.”

Me: “Uhh, we don’t cook the crepes in the oven.”

Customer: “Well, I want it oven-baked.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but the crepe will burn if we put it in the oven.”

They’re frozen, so we just put them in the microwave to heat them up.

Customer: “I don’t mind if it’s a bit crispy. I just want it oven-baked, okay? And put them together; otherwise, it won’t taste as good.”

She finally sat down at her booth.

Here’s the thing. Crepes take at most a minute to heat up in the microwave, whilst the cookie doughs take two or three minutes to cook. The crepe would be pitch black if it was put together with the cookie dough.

At first, I thought of putting the crepe and cookie dough in separate bowls to cook them at different times and then putting them on the same plate once they were both cooked.

So, that’s what I did; I cooked them both in the oven separately, placed them on the same plate, drizzled some milk and white chocolate, sprinkled some chocolate curls with ice cream, and sent it out.

[Customer] got the order and I saw her look at it with disgust.

I didn’t hear what she said because there was music blasting loudly, people were talking, and children were running about, but I could tell my coworker was having a hard time as [Customer] looked like she was yelling at her.

My coworker came to the window and she looked pissed.

Coworker: “[Customer] complained and said the cookie dough and crepe were clearly not cooked together.”

Since the cookie dough was cooked in a bowl, we had to scrape it out and pour it onto the crepe, so it was obvious.

The owner, who saw what was going on, chimed in with this really wicked grin.

Owner: “[My Name], go make it exactly the way she wants it. Since the orders have calmed down, I’ll personally give the order to her.”

Me: “Uhh, sure. Okay, then.”

So, I did. I got a plate with the crepes, bashed on the cookie dough on top, and placed the whole thing in the oven for two and a half minutes. Voila: a pitch-black crepe and well-cooked cookie dough.

The owner picked the plate up and handed it to the customer. [Coworker] and I watched from afar and saw the stunned face of an annoying jerk who seems outraged that she got her order exactly the way she wanted it.

Again, we couldn’t hear because of the noise, but we still enjoyed her stupid expressions as my boss was having none of her nonsense. My boss is a firm but chill guy; he doesn’t take s*** from anyone, so he enjoys taking the piss out of people like her.

She marched out, yelling.

Customer: “I’M NEVER COMING BACK HERE AGAIN TO THIS STUPID PLACE!”

And she left just like that.

[Coworker] and I laughed like two hyenas knowing she got what she deserved.

Putting Them In Their Place With A Crash

, , | Right | April 26, 2022

I was in my department alone when I nipped to the canteen to grab a quick cuppa. When I returned, after ten minutes or so, a couple was standing there muttering under their breath, glaring around. I greeted them cheerfully, and they snapped:

Customer: “Why is nobody here? There should be someone here at all times.”

Me: “Unfortunately, my colleague was involved in a car crash on her way into work this morning, and I am waiting for another worker to come in who has agreed to give up her day to cover for her. I have to have a break for the loo and a drink; it is illegal for me not to. Now, what can I do for you?”

They had nothing to say to that.

What Do We Do With A Fake Drunken Scotsman?

, , , , , | Working | April 26, 2022

I am a senior manager at my company, and for the most part, I get on well with my colleagues. My company hires an eighteen-year-old kid as a general worker for a certain department. He has nothing to do with my role or department. I meet him briefly once or twice and he seems a little bit strange. Quickly, I hear on the grapevine that he’s been irritating some of his coworkers with some dumb antics.

Then, for no reason, [New Hire] begins to come into my office daily. Whenever he comes in, he never knocks, and then he begins talking in some weird, indecipherable voice and starts stumbling around comically. He then laughs and quickly runs out of my office.

At first, I brush it off as just odd, but after a few days of this, I finally lose patience and snap. 

Me: “LOOK, YOU LITTLE PRAT, I HAVE F****** WORK TO DO! WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

The kid looks as if he’s just been shot and quickly drains of colour. He then stands there awkwardly.

Me: “WHY DO YOU KEEP BARGING INTO MY OFFICE? CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

His bottom lip starts to quiver, and I’m worried he’s going to wet himself right there and then.

Me: “GO ON, GET OUT!”

He practically sprints out of the office. I email my superior to advise what has happened. Not long afterward, I get a call from the kid’s manager. 

Manager: “[My Name], what on earth happened between you and [New Hire]? He’s claiming that you threatened to punch him, and now he’s going around saying you want to fight him in the car park after work and he’s asking people to back him up! What is going on?”

Me: “No, that’s not at all what happened. He keeps randomly coming to my office, speaking in a strange voice, and stumbling around. Frankly, he’s been a pain in the a** all week! I told him off and advised him that he get lost and go back to work. I never threatened him.”

Manager: “Sorry… You said he’s been bothering you all week?”

Me: “Yes, I didn’t want to disturb you, and I know he’s new, but this is getting out of hand.”

Manager: “Hmmm… He definitely didn’t mention that part! He’s been causing a few issues here; I’ve had to have words with him a few times. He seems to think he’s hilarious and that everyone loves his pranks. I will have a talk and get back to you. Sorry about this.”

A couple of hours later, I get another phone call from [Manager].

Manager: “Okay… I have no idea where the h*** this one started! His excuse was that he ‘thought you were Scottish,’ so apparently, his stumbling around your office was him impersonating a drunk Scotsman! He seemed to think you’d find it funny! No idea where the h*** he got this one from, especially with your accent.”

I have a very posh, southern English accent that is impossible to be mistaken for Scottish. I laugh heavily at this one. 

Me: “You’re kidding me, really?”

Manager: “I told him that, regardless of your nationality, what he did was heavily unprofessional and immature. Human Resources will have a talk with him, but it’s been made clear that he’s on thin ice now. I’ve made it clear that he’s banned from entering any offices without permission from me first. I really do apologize about this one. No idea what he was thinking.”

Every time I saw that kid after, he would scamper away like I was on fire. He didn’t last long at the company as his poor work combined with his annoying behaviour didn’t endear him to the company.

Enjoy Your Lack Of Leg Room!

, , , | Right | April 25, 2022

We are boarding a flight from Amsterdam to Atlanta and there is a couple in our seats.

Me: “Excuse me, but those are our seats.”

Couple: “No, these are our seats!”

I have the physical boarding passes in my hand saying these are our seats.

My husband and I wait politely in the galley for about twenty-five minutes while everyone else boards. The flight crew is trying to figure out where everyone is actually supposed to be sitting. There are still empty seats in the center, but there are not any window seats like we were assigned. We hear the lady saying:

Lady: “We paid for these seats!”

As if we hadn’t paid? Eventually, the head steward says:

Head Steward: “I’ve got this.” *To us* “Follow me.”

We were bumped to first class. The lady did get her window seat, but I don’t think she was happy about it after that.