What, You Didn’t See That Coming?

, , , , | Legal | June 6, 2021

We’ve been getting a lot of scam calls for the past few months. Sometimes it’s “Windows” claiming my computer has a bug, sometimes we’ve apparently “won a free consultation with a fortune teller,” and so on. My mother works from home and is getting pretty pissed off because they keep interrupting her work. I decided to handle the next call.

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Congratulations! You’ve been selected for a free consultation with our fortune teller!”

Me: *In a creepy tone* “Oooooh, I knew you were going to call me.”

Scammer: “Right! So, all we need from you is—”

Me: *Interrupting* “Oooooh, I knew you were going to ask me something.”

Scammer: “Okay, madam, erm… So, our fortune teller—”

Me: “Ooooooh, I knew it was a fortune teller.”

Scammer: *Stammering* “Erm… I don’t understand.”

Me: “Oooooh, I’m a Seer myself, you see.”

There’s a pause and then the scammer hangs up.

Me: “Oooooh, I knew they were going to hang up.”

My mother had to leave the room because she was laughing so much.

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Having Trouble Processing This Relationship

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: LimeSucker | June 6, 2021

After I graduated high school, I decided to go to study in another city, so I had to rent an apartment. My parents — especially my step-mother — refused to pay for my apartment, even though they were wealthy enough to do so. I had no money whatsoever, so my grandparents intervened and decided to pay for the rent each month. The only money I was getting from my parents was my mother’s alimony paid to my dad because I was still a student

I’m a gamer and a nerd, and I played “World of Warcraft,” but I was playing with a crappy laptop that was getting slower and slower. An in-game friend in my guild bought me a computer and surprised me with it when I invited him for a LAN with other friends from the same guild. I was ecstatic and so grateful!

Two years passed, and I graduated with a two-year diploma. I decided to go to engineering school, and the one I got into was in another city so I had to move out. As I had two months before starting school again, I moved all my belonging into my parents’ garage, included said computer. The next day, I went to have some holiday weeks at my grandparents’ holiday house.

While on the train, I received a message from both my dad and my step-mother.

Dad & Step-Mother: “What the h*** is that computer in the garage?”

Me: “It’s my computer?”

Dad & Step-Mother: “How did you get it? With what money?”

Me: “A friend gifted it to me. I already told you about it, Dad.”

Dad & Step-Mother: “That’s a bulls*** story!”

Me: *Frustrated* “You can call me when I get home.”

A few hours after, I’m at my grandparents’ and they call me. The exact same conversation ensues, and they do not believe how I got that computer, so my dad has the bright idea to ask that friend to give me the invoice for the computer — it was a prebuilt tower — so he could trust me.

I contacted my friend to ask if it was possible to have the invoice, and I was so embarrassed to ask him because I told him the exact reason I needed it. He said it was no problem and sent it to me, and I sent it to my dad.

I thought they were convinced, but they still kept scolding me for having that computer.

Fast forward a few weeks. I’m back at my parents’ house because I need to move for engineering school. I try to pack my things, but they refuse to let me have my computer.

Me: “You can’t possibly tell me to leave it here; you didn’t even pay for it.”

Dad & Step-Mother: “We don’t care; you’re not taking your gaming computer for school.”

There was no point in arguing, so I left without it. Unfortunately for them, I try hard to get the things I want. I knew they were going away for vacation in December, so before they left, I ordered a new computer case and asked a friend of mine if she could send me her old spare parts.

While my parents were away, I went to their house, brought the new case and the old parts, installed the old parts in the old case, and transferred my computer parts into the new case. I left the old case in the garage and took my computer back to my place.

It has been a few years now and I have been authorized to have my “computer” back. They still don’t know.

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Like The Phone, He’s Having An “Off” Day

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2021

An angry customer comes up to me and slams his one-day-old expensive phone on my counter so hard he’s lucky it doesn’t crack.

Customer: “You have exactly one f****** minute to fix my phone, or I want a new one. NOW!”

Me: “All right. What seems to be wrong with it?”

Customer: “What do you mean, ‘what seems to be wrong with it’? IT’S F****** DEAD, CAN’T YOU SEE?!”

I hold the power button for four seconds and the phone boots up. I turn the screen around for the angry customer to see, trying to withhold my smug grin.

Me: “Anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I told that little s*** son of mine to test the phone before he sent me back here!”

He stormed out, extremely red-faced.

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Turning Trolling Into An Art

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2021

My job sometimes means hand-delivering scientific equipment across the country. I often use the train as it’s safer for the equipment, but occasionally this leaves me waiting around for hours for the next train back.

I find out the next train home is cancelled, meaning an even longer wait than normal, when I realise that there is an art museum nearby and it’s free admission! I figure, while it’s not my normal choice of activities, I can still enjoy my time.

As I’m checking out the pieces, my view keeps getting interrupted by a woman standing right in front of them. I move, she moves; I wait, she waits. 

It doesn’t take long to realise that she is doing this on purpose. Clearly, she is no art snob; she looks about as out of place as I do. She is doing this just to be spiteful.

I have loads of time to kill and no particular interest in the artwork, so if she is trying to get a reaction from me it isn’t going to work. But I am bored, so I play her game and see how committed she is to being a nuisance.

I start speeding up, making her dash from piece to piece. I stop randomly, then move slowly, and then move fast again. The woman is clearly out of shape and is starting to struggle to keep up. I am quietly impressed with her dedication.

It is a disappointingly short time before I “win” her little game. She just can’t do it anymore and has to sit down, red in the face and angry. 

I don’t have much time to enjoy my victory as security is already approaching. I pretend to look at a nearby painting with interest as they eject her from the museum for “disturbing other visitors.” Clearly, she forgot about the many CCTV cameras in every room.

I take my time with the rest of the museum. I enjoy it more than I thought I would, but admittedly not as much as I did in the first room.

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Sometimes You Have To Or They’ll Never (Loose) Change

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2021

I have a coworker who is very customer-service-oriented and a manager’s dream, who fully believes “The Customer is Always Right,” and if the customer is proved wrong, that clearly must be the fault of the employee. So, it is very unusual to see her come into the back room, crying. I am placing new merchandise from the truck with help from my two supervisors when I spot her.

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], what happened? Are you okay?”

Coworker: “I… I can’t believe someone could be that… that rude!

Supervisor #1: “What happened?”

Coworker: “There’s a customer up there, and he wants two cartons of [Brand], and he wants to pay in loose change!”

This would be a purchase of over $50.

Supervisor #2: “That’s too much. Did you tell him he has to roll it or else you can’t take it?”

Coworker: “Yes, and he cursed at me and told me to do my… flipping job!”

Me: “Okay, [Coworker], come here, come with me. I’m gonna teach you how to handle these kinds of situations. Okay? It’s a little subtle, but you’re really bright, and you’ll pick it up really easily. C’mon.”

I lead her back to the front where I see the customer in question. I know him as a worker from the same chain, just a different store. So, I pick up his bag of change.

Me: “Hey, jacka**! Get your s*** and get the f*** out of this store until you learn the f****** rules!”

I leave the bag for him to pick up and lead my horrified coworker back into the back with me.

Coworker: “Won’t you get in trouble for that?”

Supervisor #1: “What’d she do?”

Supervisor #2: “I didn’t see anything.”

Me: “You know how it’s all women on this shift, right? [Manager] lets us be a little more aggressive than usual when dealing with a**holes.”

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