Her Scam Is Small Fry

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2020

(I have a very passive-aggressive manager who doesn’t take customer’s crap. There is a lady who constantly tries to scam us for free fries. She’ll order her food, sit in the lobby for about half an hour, and then complain that her food is cold and demand that we give her more for free. The problem is, she’ll eat half of it before complaining. I am not there when this happens, but my coworkers say it goes something like this:)

Customer: “Feel these fries. They’re cold. Get me fresh ones.”

Manager: “You had half an hour to eat them. They were fresh when we gave them to you, and you already ate half of them.”

Customer: “So? Give me more fries; these are cold.”

Manager: “Okay, that’ll be [price].”

Customer: *getting agitated* “No! I want fresh, free fries! You gave me cold fries!”

Manager: “We gave you fresh fries that you let go cold; I’m not giving you free fries!”

(She keeps arguing and holding up the line until my manager finally decides to give in and shut her up. Fresh fries just came up.)

Manager: “Give those fries to drive-thru. Make her wait.”

(She ended up waiting ten minutes for her fries and being put on our “be wary of” list. The same manager later blacklisted her from the restaurant.)

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Big Voice Belonging To An (Eventually) Big Person

, , , , , | Right | March 14, 2020

I was working in customer service at a car dealership a few years ago. A man came in to pick up his truck after service and, as a safety precaution, we had to remove some aftermarket floor mats from the driver’s floor and put them in the back — as per liability for the dealership.

As I was explaining the situation, he interrupted me and just started yelling. He stopped listening to what I was saying and stormed off.

The next day, he came to my desk, apologized sincerely, and gave me a $50 gift card to a coffee shop near the dealership. It’s not often you get a customer apologizing for getting upset and taking responsibility for his actions. It takes a big person to step up like that and I’ll always remember him for going above and beyond an apology. I hope he sees this and knows I appreciate what he did.

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You Probably Shouldn’t Tackle Civilians, Either

, , , , , , , | Friendly | March 13, 2020

I take a ferry to get to work most days and the ferry dock has a lot of interesting people hanging around. I utilize the time on the ferry and the walk up to work listening to audiobooks on my earbuds or planning my meetings.

One day, I am suddenly tapped on the shoulder by a tall man who does the most interesting Inspector Clouseau impression saying, “You slowed down suddenly and my face hit your bag.” 

This is almost physically impossible but I just say, “Okay, look where you are going.”

Next thing I know, he is in my face saying, “I did not hear you. Are you going to say sorry or say something smart?”

I just say, “I am not going to say anything to you,” and start walking away along the walkway along the river.

I go maybe ten steps before instincts from years as a front line public safety officer get me to step sideways; I move just in time for the idiot from before to barrel past me for what must have been a charge meant for me. He runs unchecked into a support column for the shade structure and splashes into ankle-deep stinking muck from the preceding day’s stormwater discharge.

I would have the guy arrested but he just had karma served right in front of my eyes. Also, his female companion has spotted my badge and is hauling the stinking idiot towards the tap, muttering, “Of all the people, you pick on one with a badge.”

For the record, I am not a street cop.

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You Can’t Punk A Punk (Or Your Mother)

, , , , , | Legal | March 11, 2020

(In the nineties, I am a 25-year-old punk kid with bleached blond hair working graveyard at a [Convenience Store] in a sketchy neighborhood. I’ve worked there long enough that the locals don’t harass me — much — and I never have any real problems. One regular customer is a nurse — a beautiful older black woman who takes the last bus home and comes in and buys smokes, and we joke around about our crappy hours. One night, she comes in and asks to use the bathroom, which is against policy, but I don’t care so I let her. A few minutes later, this kid comes in wearing a hoodie and sunglasses, doing the finger gun thing in his pocket.)

Kid: “Gimme all the money!”

Me: “Your mother…”


Me: *pointing* “She’s right behind you.”

(The kid turned around as my favorite customer walked out of the bathroom with that “I’m gonna beat your a**!” look that moms use on you when you know you’ve really messed up. The kid’s face was now as white as mine as his mom dragged him out of the store by his hoodie. She said she’d take care of this if I didn’t mind. I just nodded and smiled. A few days later, I was working the morning shift on a Saturday. The kid came in, wouldn’t look me in the eye, and apologized… and invited me to their BBQ. I went and had a great time. Nobody ever messed with me or that store again.)

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Showing A Serious Lack Of Military Intelligence

, , , , , | Right | March 10, 2020

(In the United States military, the Military Police branch is jokingly referred to as the “Women’s Infantry.” This is because, since its inception, the MPs have always accepted female soldiers as equals, going back so far as the 1940s. As such, it’s pretty much one of the few places where female soldiers are respected without question and don’t experience the same harassment other female soldiers can. At one of my last postings, I was assigned to work in the Traffic Office, basically dealing with minor infractions and keeping the patrols running smoothly, things like that. Almost everyone there, including the civilian workers, were female. And the civilian workers were prior MPs, too. One day, a male Infantry Soldier comes into our office with paperwork.)

Infantry Soldier: “I need to get stamped to final out.”

(This means he is transferring to another post and needs confirmation signed off on his leaving packet.)

Lieutenant: “I can help you, Corporal.”

(He hands his packet to our section leader, a female officer. She checks her computer and then looks back to him.)

Lieutenant: “Okay, Corporal. So, our system has this glitch where sometimes past infractions will not show as being paid for. Unfortunately, this means I can’t sign off until someone at Legal checks their system and confirms your ticket was paid in full. Luckily, they’re only two doors down. Tell them I sent you, they’ll check and sign in the box, and once you come back, I’ll stamp it.”

(This is something we deal with constantly, and since it’s the Army, no one will fix the system so we don’t have to send people on a side trip. But it’s only a fifteen-minute detour at most, so most people don’t mind. Most people.)

Infantry Soldier: “No, look again. I paid for that ticket. It’s over five years old.”

(Keep in mind, he is enlisted, and the lieutenant is an officer. The fact that he hasn’t addressed her as “ma’am” and is using that tone of voice makes everyone look up.)

Lieutenant: *amazingly keeping her cool* “Corporal, as I explained to you, there is a glitch in the system. Just step down two doors to Legal, explain what I said, and they’ll sign it. Then I can stamp it for you. It won’t take long and you’ll still be out of here in less than thirty minutes.”

Infantry Soldier: *raising his voice and getting aggressive* “No! I don’t owe any money! I paid the d*** ticket.”

(The lieutenant now stands up from her desk so her rank is one-hundred percent noticeable. She’s usually laid back and easygoing, so long as you stick to protocol. But now she fixes him with a death glare.)

Lieutenant: “I am not legally allowed to stamp your paper until Legal signs it. No one will stamp the paper until it is signed. We are not doing this to mess with you; we are doing this because that is how the system works. I know it’s inefficient, but I cannot control it. Now, go to Legal and—”

Infantry Soldier: *INTERRUPTING, of all things* “WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME?!”

(At this moment, the Sergeant walks in, second only to the Lieutenant. The Infantry Soldier turns to him.)

Infantry Soldier: “Hey, can you help me? She won’t sign my paperwork!”

Sergeant: *ignoring him, as the corporal dropped his rank, too* “Ma’am, what’s the problem?”

(The Lieutenant coldly informs the Sergeant of the situation, with no less than eight interruptions from the Infantry Soldier. Keep in mind, in the military world, these sorts of slights can land you in so much trouble, you get court-martialed! The Sergeant finally hears the full story and turns to the Infantry Soldier.)

Sergeant: “So. I’m a Marine. Hurt my leg, transferred to the Army. I was an MP in the Corps too. And be it Marines or Army, your kind never changes. Females are part of the MP Corps. They fight with us, they bleed with us, they die with us. The Lieutenant, who you’re treating like s***, can break your arms with her bare hands. Males like you make the rest of us look bad. So, I’m going to keep this paperwork, and you’re going back to your unit and bring your First Sergeant down so we can have a talk. And if you try to fight me or refuse to leave, I’ll just throw you in the brig and call him myself. What’s it going to be?”

(The Infantry Soldier tried to argue, but once the Sergeant took out his handcuffs, he left. I wasn’t present when he came back with his First Sergeant, but I imagine it was not a fun time. By the way, the phrase “Women’s Infantry” is worn with pride by us MPs, especially our males!)

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