A Scammer With A Sense Of Morality

, , , | Legal | February 15, 2021

I do virtual support work as a volunteer for the American branch of an internationally famous emergency response charity. Most of the phone calls I get on my cell phone are related to this work, to the point where I automatically answer my personal phone with the greeting for the charity.

The phone rings one Saturday morning.

Me: “American [Charity], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

I hear a startled male voice with a heavy accent.

Caller: “What? Who is this?”

I start to sense a scammer.

Me: “This is the American [Charity].”

Caller: “This is Saturday! You are working today? This is a business line?”

I make my voice warm, comforting, and absolutely oozing sincerity.

Me: “Sir, the [Charity] is on duty all day, every day, 365 days of the year. Now, how may I help you?”

Caller: “I am so sorry! I am so sorry! Never mind!”

I should start doing this to scammers on my personal landline, as well, but I think the national headquarters would object.

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Her Personality Is As Rotten As That Milk Is About To Become

, , , , , | Right | February 14, 2021

The hoarders are currently at their worst and I, like many others, am trying to get by on what we can. Having no luck at the big supermarket, I drop into my local independent corner stop to try my luck.

As I turn the corner, I watch a woman clear the refrigerator of all the milk left. It must be a dozen large bottles of milk. She smirks at me as she sees me waiting.

After she waddles off, I find someone who works there.

Me: “I don’t suppose you have any more milk?”

Worker: “Is there none in the fridge?”

Me: “No, someone took everything left.”

Worker: “I’m not sure we have had a delivery yet; let me look in the back.”

He disappears and comes back with one of each type.

Me: “Oh, thank you. It’s hard getting the kids to bed without their milk.”

Worker: “No worries. She did us both a favour, really.”

Me: “Who?”

Worker: “You said a woman took the lot earlier? My boss just told me to empty the fridge as that was all going out of date soon.”

When I think of hoarders, I think of that woman, buying dozens of pints of soon to be rancid milk.

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And That’s The Historical Tea

, , , , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

The cafe I work in sits near several major transport links, so we get a lot of travelers, national and international, on a daily basis. One of my coworkers is somewhat notorious for having little to no brain-mouth filter and fairly anti-establishment views.

It’s late November and we have an American guest who’s making small talk after receiving her coffee. She starts talking about Thanksgiving and how the UK doesn’t have a comparable day.

Guest: “I just don’t understand why you don’t celebrate anything like it. Are you not thankful for your country?”

Coworker: “We are, but if we celebrated every time we exterminated a native population and stole their country, we’d only need to work twenty days a year.”

Guest: “…”

She made a hasty retreat to her table afterward.

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Let’s Hope This One Doesn’t Rise From The Ashes

, , , | Legal | February 12, 2021

Like many of you, I enjoy messing with scammers. This interaction is my favorite so far. Unfortunately, I cannot duplicate the over-the-top fake New Jersey accent used in this call.

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Scammer] with American Medicare. How are you today?”

Me: “And where are you located?”

Scammer: “I am in Phoenix, Arizona.”

Me: “What time is it in Phoenix, Arizona?”

There’s silence for thirty seconds.

Scammer: “I am calling about your American Medicare benefits!”

Me: “Great. What time is it in Phoenix, Arizona?”

Scammer: “What did you say?”

Me: “What time is it in Phoenix, Arizona?”

Scammer: “Um…”

There’s silence again for a minute.

Me: “I can do this all day. Whatever keeps you from cheating the gullible.”

Scammer: “I’ll put you on our do-not-call list.”

Me: “Aw, don’t want to play anymore?”

And they hung up on me.

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Literally No One Is Paid Enough To Deal With This

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

I am a pagan lesbian working as a call center agent. In particular, it’s my job to talk to customers who, in some capacity, requested contact regarding a transaction or feedback. This particular call type typically takes around forty-five minutes, so that, combined with the general office drama, means that management’s expectations are low.

I have just gotten through the final part of a call with a lonely old woman who got on so many tangents that the call has taken almost two hours. I have been as nice as I can, but I’m mentally reeling in exhaustion, when she drops this gem on me.

The woman is talking amicably about her niece’s family, and then, suddenly, her tone changes to a really threatening and angry sound.

Woman: “You know, dear, [Political Figure] is the antichrist. I can’t believe that it’s allowed now for gay people to, you know! Ugh! Those gays shouldn’t be allowed to get married.”

I snap out of my stupor.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you say that again?”

Woman: “Didn’t you hear? Gays are allowed to marry! It’s so revolting! I hate gay people. They’re all going to burn in Hell!”

Me: *Failing to stop myself* “Stop pretending you’re good enough to judge others on God’s behalf. Jesus loves everyone, especially gay people!”

I hang up on her and then remember I’m at work and look in horror toward my supervisor, who is staring at me like I’ve grown another head.

Supervisor: “Since I could hear you, I have to flag the call. I thought you said you believed in, what was it? Like, trees and the moon? What was that about?”

I’m embarrassed, and I figure this is how I get outed at work and then fired. 

Me: “Well, uh, she said gay people are going to Hell, so I just—”

[Supervisor] puts her hand up to stop me. 

Supervisor: “Oh, no. I get it. My brother is gay. I’ll make sure it’s in the system that she’s an abusive caller. Even if she calls back to complain, it won’t go anywhere.”

My coworkers were very supportive of my relationship with my girlfriend, and my coming-out at work inspired a couple of others to come out of their shells! I didn’t end up working there too long, though, because call center work is really miserable.

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