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Thirty-Six Reasons To Find Another Victim

, , , , , , | Legal | September 20, 2021

I’m alone at home and my phone starts ringing.

Me: “Hello.”

Scammer: “Hello, this is [Scammer] from [Phone Provider]. Your phone line will be cut within the next twenty-four hours, so we need you to phone our special number for further instructions.”

I’m working from home due to the sanitary situation, and losing my phone and my Internet would be a VERY bad thing for me. However, there’s something about this woman’s voice that screams “scam attempt.” She makes me write the special number down and it’s becoming obvious that it’s a premium rate number: if I phone them, I’ll lose a lot of money. I could just hang up now or tell her I’m not fooled, but I decide to play with her, instead.

Scammer: “So! You have our number!”

Me: “Yes! 06 26…”

Scammer: “No. I just said 00 26.”

Me: “00 36…”

Scammer: “No. 00 26…”

Me: “00 26…”

Scammer: “76…”

Me: “36…”

Scammer: “No! There’s no 36!”

Me: “How dare you say that? One of my coworkers is thirty-six, and she’s a truly wonderful person!”

Scammer: “There’s no thirty-six in this phone number. Let’s resume.”

Me: “Okay, let’s resume, but please, don’t insult the number thirty-six.”

Scammer: “Goodbye.”

She hung up. I waited twenty-four hours and my line wasn’t cut. I guess it was definitely a scam attempt.

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Keep A Lid On That “Daft” Talk

, , , , , | Related | September 20, 2021

My mum comes round to see our new flat.

Mum: “Why do all your candles have these little lids?”

Me: “Oh, I never really realised. I guess it’s to stop things getting on the candle, catching fire. I never really thought about it before.”

Mum: “Seems daft to me.”

Me: “Maybe. I just like them because they smell nice.”

Mum: “They do, they really do.”

I end up buying her one of the candles she likes the most, and the next time I visit her:

Me: “Smells nice in here. Do I smell your new candle?”

Mum: “Hmm, yes, it’s really nice. But have you noticed it smells a bit when you first light it?”

Me: “No? What of?”

Mum: “Well, burnt hair.”

Me: “Hmmm, do you check if Morris (the cat) gets his hair on it?”

Mum: “Oh, I was dusting the other day, and I saw hairs in there. I didn’t even think. They should make something to stop that.”

Me: “Yeah, I think they do, you know. Maybe you have one already?”

She figured it out pretty quickly; the little lids are no longer as “daft” as she thought.

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We’re Not Playing Games With Our Games

, , , | Right | CREDIT: SandyPetersen | September 19, 2021

I own a small board game company. I’m not a “real” retail guy — props to those who are — but before the health crisis, I attended two or three game conventions a year and of course, we’d have a booth and I’d help sell our product there, along with other team members. No doubt we’ll return to the conventions once the black clouds lift completely.

Normally, our goal at a convention is to sell 100% of the product that we brought. We HATE shipping stuff back to our warehouse — SO much so that, on occasion, we’ll sell excess stock at a slight discount on the last day (Sunday). But usually, we sell out. Another important thing to remember is that our games are highly desired, and they are often out of stock online, so people are excited to see these rare games in person at the convention where they can pick one up at last. Often people will buy an extra copy to take to a friend who couldn’t make the trip.

I am at a game convention and a guy shows up with one of my highly desired but really expensive games. But lo and behold, there’s a ding in the corner of the box. The guy wants a discount.

Me: “You already bought this game. The time to ask for a discount was then.”

The guy lays down the law.

Guy: “Either give me a discount or a refund.”

Me: “No problemo, pal.”

And I give him a full refund. IN CASH. The guy is amazed but takes the money and walks away. I have no evidence he even bought that game at the convention, but I don’t care, because I know we are going to sell out.

Then, I find out what his sinister plan was. He comes back on Sunday to see if he can pick up a copy of the game at a discount because it’s the last day. Lo and behold, we have only three copies of the game remaining, and in fact, we are considering price-gouging because people are literally fighting over who gets the last copies. We don’t, though. The guy from before asks for his discount because it’s the last day, and instead, I sell all three remaining copies while he watches.

Me: “Gotta wait in line, buddy.”

He even looked at the boxes to see if one of them had the dinged corner but no, I sold that one like an hour after he turned it in.

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General Manager, General A**hole

, , , , | Working | September 17, 2021

I show up to my fast food franchise for an afternoon shift and find we are already knee-deep in OMG-ville. The lineup is huge, with lots of students and various other downtownies. I clock in five minutes early, wash my hands, and take stock of garnish.

We are almost out of tomatoes, low on lettuce, low on onions. I run to the back fridge where all the toppings are kept, only to see that things are so hectic that there are no backup bowls of garnishes prepared!

As quickly as I can, I make a bunch of bowls of lettuce and onions and bring those up front along with tomatoes and put away the extra bowls.

General Manager: “[My Name], you need to work faster! You were too slow getting up here with three bowls of stuff.” 

I try to explain that I was actually filling three or four bowls quickly so we’d have more when we ran out — every thirty minutes or so — but she just scoffs, turns her back on me, and barks at me to get to the cash. 

Roughly five minutes later, she literally starts screaming at me — IN FRONT OF CUSTOMERS — to get off the registers and get back to garnish. At this point, I have had enough and I admit, I snap.

Me: “[General Manager], I am sick and tired of being constantly belittled and badgered about every little thing. I’m doing my best to help my coworkers out and you screaming at me isn’t making things better.”

General Manager: “You don’t seem to value your job. I can easily fire you and find someone to replace you quickly.”

I guess she expects me to roll over and grovel for my job. That doesn’t happen.

I look her dead in the eye without even flinching. I am admittedly on new-employee probation, but my probation has been nothing but verbal abuse from her. This is still in front of all the customers and ALL my coworkers.

Me: “I can walk right out of this place right now and leave you deep in the weeds. The threat you made about my being under probation and how you can get rid of me at any time goes two f****** ways! I can quit without notice, too!”

She grabs me by the elbow. Yes, you read that right: she GRABS me. I’m not sure what she thinks this will do, but the one thing it does NOT do is deescalate the situation.

I shrug off her hand once and tell her not to touch me, but she grabs me again. I shrug her off again.

Me: “If you touch me one more time, I will charge you with assault. I do not want you to touch me, and you have no right to touch me. I have multiple witnesses, so kindly back the f*** off of me.”

She abruptly left me alone and was very cheery and kind to me, but I typed up my resignation that night and handed it to her the next day.

She got a hilariously panicked look on her face. Apparently, having her bluff called made her realize exactly how dire her straits were. She tried all sorts of tactics to make me stay, like telling me how I was leaving my coworkers in the lurch and how hard it would be for me to find another job, and when that didn’t work, she practically begged me to at least give her two weeks.

I told her to take the job and shove it. It wasn’t worth my self-respect.

Because we were chronically understaffed as it was, the look of sheer despair on her face as I walked out gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling. The fuzzy feeling got even warmer after I made a phone call to her higher-ups, with some very specific details. I never did see her at that franchise again.

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Raise The Stakes And They’ll Call Your Bluff

, , , , , | Working | September 17, 2021

I had a coworker who was really very good at his job — when he wanted to be. He was rather lazy and didn’t really show initiative. One day, he decided he wasn’t making enough money, so he almost stopped working altogether. He did the bare minimum to keep his job.

After about two months of this (and numerous counseling sessions with the boss), he marched into the boss’s office and demanded an almost 40% raise or he’d quit.  

The boss told him that wasn’t possible and wished him well in his new job.

The next day, the coworker came in and tried to retract this, but the boss said no, too late.

Moral of the story: before you threaten to quit, make sure you are actually valuable.

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