Put A Little Backbone Into Your Bank Account

, , , , , , , | Related | June 23, 2020

My husband’s brother moved in with us two years ago and has not paid anything towards board and food, even though we agreed on an amount for him to pay just after he moved in. My husband has been too spineless to insist on him paying us.

My husband was stood down when his workplace closed down due to the global outbreak; he would be paid for a limited period of time but was under the threat of going without pay. I told him he had to talk to his brother about paying us.

Again, he’s been too spineless, so I bring the subject up.

Brother-In-Law: “I was just waiting for you to tell me how much you wanted.”

He knew because he had to claim the amount on his unemployment so he could get rent assistance from the time he moved in. Later, I remind my husband of that and he gets pissed.

Later that night, as we’re trying to watch a movie, we hear [Brother-In-Law] calling to my husband because he can’t work out how to do something on his computer. My husband sighs and pauses the movie.

Husband: “What’s wrong?”

Brother-In-Law: *Whining* “I can’t work out how to do this.”

Husband: “What are you trying to do?”

His brother is still whining but with a bit more emphasis on certain words.

Brother-In-Law: “Well, I’m trying to pay you but I can’t find out how to transfer money from my account. It won’t let me transfer.”

I can see where he is hoping that this is going to end up — with spineless [Husband] telling him not to worry about paying us — as he puts on the whining voice to get out of things because people feel sorry for him, but for once, my husband isn’t backing down.

Husband: “You can pay tomorrow after you call the bank and get it sorted. I’m going back to my movie.”

Brother-In-Law: *Sounding disappointed* “Oh, okay.”

I was proud of my husband at that moment. I don’t know how his brother thought he could convince us that he couldn’t work out how to transfer money seeing that he transfers hundreds of dollars each month to pay for online purchases. He used to receive two or more packages most weekdays, but since he’s been paying what he owes, it’s gone down to about once a week.

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Time To Render To Caesar

, , , , | Right | June 23, 2020

I have been working as a collector for a few months now. Sundays have been the worst. Everyone screams about it being rude to call on a Sunday. There is no law that states that we can’t.

I’ve gone through most of my day with angry people yelling at me when I get a lady on the phone.

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. May I speak to [Lady]?”

Lady: “Yes, speaking.”

Me: “I’m calling from [Company].” 

I fill her in with the legal stuff and information about recorded phone calls, etc.

Me: “I’m calling about a past due account.”

Lady: “You p***k! You have no right to call me on a Sunday! This is God’s day! No one should be working. We just got home from church. Can’t believe you are calling!”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the bother. If you like, I can call again tomorrow. What would be a good time to get a hold of you?”

Lady: “Listen! Don’t call me on Sunday! Ever!

Me: “All right, ma’am. Can I ask a question, please?”

Lady: “What?”

Me: “Did you and your family go out to eat after church?”

Lady: “Yeah, every Sunday. Why?”

Me: “And you don’t complain to the people serving you food that they shouldn’t be working on Sunday?”

Lady: “…” *Click*

The rest of my day went pretty well, but I got into a lot of trouble. Fully worth it, though.

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Sometimes You Have To Show Off To Show Them Up

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2020

I am shopping around for a video game when I overhear the following conversation between an employee and a customer.

Customer: “Hey, do you know if this will work on my computer?”

Employee: “Do you know what kind of computer you have or what you have in it?”

Customer: “No, it is just a regular computer with Windows on it.”

Employee: “Well, I can’t really tell you if it will work.”

Customer: “Can I return it if it doesn’t work?”

Employee: “We are not allowed to take back PC games once they are sold. If something is wrong, we can exchange them. Would you like to look at the Nintendo or PlayStation games?”

The customer is now very irate.

Customer: “No, I don’t let my son sit there and play those; he doesn’t sit there and play video games and rot his brain all day! He is a very smart kid and has a 4.0 in school!”

I finally have had enough and chime in.

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. He is just trying to help you. And computer games are the same as video games. This young man is just trying to help you out. It is not his fault you don’t know what kind of computer you have so he can help you make a decision.”

Customer: “How would you know? You probably play video games all day!”

Me: “Actually, I have my Bachelor’s in computer science; I work on developing software and was able to read at a college level before I was thirteen. And I’ve played video games ever since I could hold a controller. And if you really don’t want your kid playing video games, maybe you should buy him a book to read, instead.”

The customer grabs her son by the arm and leaves the store in a huff.

Employee: “Thank you for that.”

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Getting It All In Español, Part 4

, , , , | Right | June 22, 2020

My wife and I are on a coach tour in Spain. We are at the bar in our hotel for the night in a town that is a bit off of the beaten track. My Spanish isn’t very good but I know a few words. 

Another member of the tour is ordering at the bar. This member has been a bit loud and obnoxious.

Tourist: “Can I have two beers?”

The barman answers in Spanish. My Spanish isn’t good but I work out that he’s saying something about not speaking English.

Tourist: “I don’t understand Spanish. Can I have two beers?”

The barman repeats what he previously said.

Me: *To the tourist* “I think he’s saying that he doesn’t understand English.”

Tourist: *To me* “Oh, okay.”

The tourist turns to the barman, in English, but putting on a Spanish accent.

Tourist: “TWO… BEERS… PLEASE!”

The barman repeats what he previously said, again.

Me: *To the tourist* “To ask for two beers in Spanish, you need to say—”

Tourist: *Cutting me off* “Oh, we haven’t got time to learn a different language!”

The tourist storms off. I turn to the barman and speak in broken Spanish.

Me: “One coffee and one beer, please.”

Barman: *In perfect English* “One coffee and one beer coming up. Is there anything else?”

I just burst into fits of laughter and bought the barman a drink.

Related:
Getting It All In Español, Part 3
Getting It All In Español, Part 2
Getting It All In Español

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Bumping Heads

, , , , , | Right | June 19, 2020

A lady in her late fifties comes in with an old photo she would like restored and prints made from. While I’m looking at it, she sees a framed maternity portrait I had shot hanging on the wall. This is a very modest portrait; the mom-to-be is wearing a full-length skirt and a white cotton shirt with just her belly showing out. The only skin visible is her face, arms below the elbow, and belly; it’s definitely “G” rated.

Client: “How dare you have that picture hanging there; it’s disgusting!”

Me: “Which one?”

Client: “That horrible one with the belly hanging out! It is immoral!”

Me: “Maternity portraits are very popular; a lot of women want to capture that special time in their lives with a tastefully done session.”

Client: “It is not tasteful; it is disgusting and filthy!”

Just because I don’t want to deal with her anymore, my yet-to-be said price for the work she wants done goes from $40 to $125 in the hopes she will leave. To my surprise, she agrees to the price and leaves the work for me to do.

She comes back a few days later to pick up the finished restoration.

Client: “Why is that still hanging there? I told you it was disgusting; you should take it down or you’ll lose business!”

I am trying to be diplomatic and get her out the door.

Me: “Well, I’ve been busy and don’t have anything else ready to put up right now.”

Client: “I am horrified about that photo! We have standards in this community!”

Me: “Sorry, the mom-to-be loved the portrait. People tell me all the time how much they like it. I’ve gotten many bookings for similar sessions in the area… so the community that I consider my clients belonging to likes them.”

The client is now furious.

Client: “How dare you expose me and the innocent minds of children to such pornographic photos! That slut doesn’t mind showing her disgusting flesh to the world from her sin-filled shame but I don’t have to look at it! I would never be so disgusting to let the world see me like that!”

The model is a friend of mine who spent years with her husband trying to conceive a child and they are two of the nicest people I’ve ever met. I look at the customer, look down and up, and then make strong eye contact.

Me: “You are in no danger of ever being asked by me to model, so no need to worry about it.”

Her head almost exploded; she grabbed her photo and stormed out. It is good owning the place and being able to decide that there are just some people who I really don’t care if they ever come back. And as a bonus, any friends of hers aren’t the kind of clients I want, either.

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