A Proper Bollywood Ending

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2021

I own my own little corner shop. A grumpy old customer comes in to buy cigarettes, and when it’s time to pay, he flings his coins at me instead of handing them to me. I am forced to pick some coins up off the floor.

Customer: “That’s it, [South Asian slur]. On the ground where you belong.”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir. Considering how many of these you’re smoking and how terribly old you look, you’ll be in the ground while I’ll be on it for a long while yet. I’ll even do a little Bollywood dance on your grave.”

Customer: “How dare you!”

Me: “Goodbye, die soon!”

He stormed out as I turned up the Indian music on my radio.

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Rated K For “Karma”

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2021

We had just started showing a movie rated NC-17, which we had not done before and never did again. Movies are usually rated NC-17 for very strong and explicit sexual content. A lot of single older men came to see the movie, unsurprisingly, resulting in many occurrences like this with the female box office staff.

Customer: “One ticket for [Movie]. I hope the actresses in it are as pretty as you.”

Coworker: *Uncomfortable* “That will be [price], sir.”

Customer: “Have you seen the movie? Did you… enjoy it?”

Suddenly, one of our new hires walks in to start her shift.

New Hire: *Loudly, to the customer* “Dad?”

The older man looks over at her, goes beet-red, and power-walks out of the lobby.

New Hire: “I guess getting a new job won’t be the only thing I discuss with the parents over dinner tomorrow.”

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Relentless Puffs Of Addiction

, , , , | Working | June 9, 2021

I’m the author of this story. For a while, I work in a call center located in a shabby apartment. There are two rooms: one for the smokers and one for the non-smokers. One of the workers is a drama queen, barely eighteen and chain-smoking already. One day she is caught slacking and the boss transfers her to the non-smokers room as punishment. She goes to her assigned desk and starts placing calls, moaning and whining as she waits for the connection. This starts to grate on everyone else’s nerves pretty soon.

Smoker: “God, I wish I could have a smoke.”

Smoker: “It’s not fair that I can’t smoke.”

Smoker: “How am I supposed to stay here until nine and not have a smoke?”

Other Worker: “How am I supposed to stay here until nine and listen to your b****ing? Give us a rest.”

Smoker: “No, you give me a rest! You don’t get it. I’m gasping. I need to smoke! SMOKING IS BETTER THAN ANYTHING!”

There was a moment of silence and then everyone lost it, even those who were in conversation with customers. Blushing up to her hairline, the girl stood up and left. It’s the only time I saw someone actually laughed out of a room.

Relentless Puffs Of Irony

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Grumpy At The Pumps

, , , | Right | CREDIT: RockinDonkey | June 8, 2021

I’m not normally very confrontational with other customers when I’m out, but this one slipped out. I go to a nearby convenience store one evening to get cigarettes for myself and my wife. I walk into the store and get in line behind an old guy with a bad attitude.

The cashier asks him if she can help him. He says he wants to put some money on one of the pumps.

Cashier: “Which pump?”

Customer: *Rudely* “I DON’T KNOW! I DON’T WORK HERE!”

Maybe it’s the years of dealing with rude customers in the food service and call center industries, but without even thinking, I blurt out:

Me: “Why don’t you go outside and check instead of being a jerk to her?”

The grumpy guy spins around, points at me, and yells.


I was a little dumbstruck — not because he yelled at me, but because I was still processing the fact that I spoke up for someone.

To his credit, the guy stuck his head out the door, yelled to one of his companions for the pump number, and returned to the counter and completed his transaction.

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Grit Your Teeth And Admit You Were Wrong

, , , , , | Working | June 7, 2021

I work as a repairer and maintainer for a grounds care company that basically looks after the local authorities’ landscaping and does various seasonal grounds maintenance tasks. One summer, our company purchases some new-to-the-market hand-propelled gritting machines in readiness for the next winter season.

Six months later, the snow falls and the gritting machines are taken out and put to use. An hour later, the operator returns to the workshop holding the drive belt in his hand, reporting that the machine lasted two minutes and the belt keeps coming off every time it’s replaced. I inspect the machine and see a major design flaw, and in two days, I manufacture a remedy for the fault.

I phone the manufacturer.

Me: “Your hand gritters seem to have a design flaw. I’ve made a modification, but I want to know if fitting it will affect any warranties we have with your machine.”

Manufacturer: “What flaw? What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “The operator used it for two minutes, and the belt chokes up with the grit and keeps coming off.”

Manufacturer: “Your operator is using the machine wrong; there’s no flaw with the machine.”

Me: “How can he be using it wrong? Grit is loaded in and you push it as you walk.”

Manufacturer: “Well, he must be doing it wrong. We’ve had no problems and no other customers have complained about it.”

Me: “I think the part of the country where I am has had the first snowfalls this winter, so no customers will complain until they get snow and have the opportunity to use your product.”

Manufacturer: “There’ve been plenty of customers using them and you are the only ones to complain. There’s no fault with the machine; it’s your operator.”

I give up and go ahead with fitting the modification, and the machine works flawlessly.

Another month passes and the whole of the UK is hit with major snow. I get a phone call from the gritter manufacturer.

Manufacturer: “Are you the guy who called about the belt constantly coming off our hand gritter?”

Me: “Yes.”

Manufacturer: “I recall you mentioned a modification. Did you design one and did it work?”

Me: “The gritter works fine now.”

Manufacturer: “Ah, great. Was it the modification that sorted the problem?”

Me: “Have you been getting problems?”

Manufacturer: “Erm… no, erm… Nobody else has reported any problems.”

Me: “Well, our gritter is fine now.”

Manufacturer: “Was it the modification that fixed it?”

Me: “It was.”

Manufacturer: “Could you email us the details of the modification? We’d like to look at it.”

Me: “You don’t need it; you said you had no reported problems.”

Manufacturer: “We, err, don’t. It’s just out of interest.”

Me: “You weren’t interested in the initial complaint, so I’m not interested in showing you the design. Besides, according to you, it’s not needed.”

I hung up, but over the next week, I received many emails requesting the design, with their wording still denying any fault with the product.

The next summer, our company received their new product catalogue. The gritter was no longer listed for sale.

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