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Underpinning Their Own Stupidity

, , , , , , | Right | January 29, 2014

(We aren’t allowed to know customers’ personal identification numbers. If they disclose them, we have to issue new ones, blocking their current ones and starting a seven-day wait for a new one to be sent.)

Me: “Okay, you’ll need your PIN to set up online banking. Without telling me what it is, can you tell me if you know your PIN?”

Caller: “Why can’t I say my PIN?”

Me: “It’s your secure PIN. You shouldn’t disclose it to anyone, not even me. If you do, I’m required to replace it. That will delay what you want to do today. So, please don’t tell me what it is. Do you know your PIN? Just yes or no will be fine.”

Caller: “My PIN is [number]. I forbid you to replace it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I asked you not to tell me, and I explained why. I have to replace it now. I am truly sorry. It will take up to seven business days for you to receive it by mail.”

Caller: “DON’T YOU DARE! I NEED ONLINE BANKING TO WORK TODAY!”

Me: “Ma’am, I did explain this. I also have no option. I’m now required to replace your PIN for security.”

Caller: “But I need this set up today! It’s urgent!”

Me: “Ma’am, you clearly understood me. Can I ask, why did you tell me your PIN after I asked you not to?”

Caller: “I DON’T LIKE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO!”


This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!

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Read the Bank Customer roundup!

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Driving Down Route 66(6)

, , , , , , , | Right | January 28, 2014

(It is late evening, a few days before Halloween. My coworker at the register has been dealing with an irate woman for several minutes. She is ranting about the cheap decorations hanging on our door. As a result, a line is forming behind her.)

Customer: “I’ll never shop here again! Everything in here is cursed! You’ll be attracting the demon spawns of the devil!”

(I come up to the second register to deal with the line forming behind the customer. Most of the other customers shift over to me, but one younger woman is watching the first customer rant. Suddenly, the younger woman turns and runs out of the store. And a second later, she comes back in wearing the most amazing, and yet disgusting, full head mask I’ve ever seen. It looks like a rotting deer, complete with antlers, shaggy fur, and wide, dead, white eyes. The younger woman walks up to the ranting customer and clears her throat loudly.)

Younger Woman: *to my coworker* “Dude, I need $20 on pump four for my ‘Hell-mobile.'” *turns to the first customer* “And what’s your problem with us demons, anyway? Even the devil needs a place to buy gas and beer.”

(The first customer turns and stares at the younger woman for a long moment. Then the first customer actually screams and runs out of the store, leaving all of her items behind.)

Younger Woman: “I hope that lady wasn’t buying gas. I don’t think she’s coming back.”


This story is part of our Devilish Halloween roundup!

Read the next Devilish Halloween roundup story!

Read the Devilish Halloween roundup!

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Understaffed But Not Understood

, , , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2014

(On the day before Father’s Day, with a huge sale going on, the coworker who is supposed to come in to work with me doesn’t show up. I am swamped and can’t answer any phone calls. I just stay at the counter ringing people up. We are so busy that I don’t have time to call any of my coworkers to see if they can come in to cover the shift. There is only about half an hour until two other coworkers are coming in, so I just do my best until then. With a line about ten customers long, a customer comes storming up to the register and interrupts the conversation I’m having with the customer currently at my register.)

Customer: “I need some help! Where is the employee who should be working the sales floor right now?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but no one else is here right now. If you’ll kindly wait in line, I’d be glad to help you shortly.”

Customer: “What?! This is outrageous! You should have more than one person working! Everyone knows that is just good business!”

Me: “Unfortunately, there was a scheduling mix-up. I’m the only one here right now.”

Customer: “But I need one of you to help me find something! What am I supposed to do? That’s what you all get paid to do! I am very busy and I need to get my Father’s Day gifts bought! I don’t have all day! Really, on a holiday, you should have more than one person working!”

(Since the customer isn’t listening to me, I just turn back to serving the line at the counter. I finish the next customer, and try to explain the schedule issue again, but she’s not having any of it. One of our regular customers is standing nearby at a sale table and finally speaks up.)

Regular Customer: “Ma’am, what is wrong with your hearing? She just explained to you that her coworker didn’t show up! I think she’s doing a remarkable job handling all of this by herself. You are just making things worse!”

Customer: “All I need is to see if they have these items in stock! Can’t she see I am in a hurry?”

Regular Customer: “As are most of us. It’s a busy holiday at a popular store. What do you expect? When people don’t show up to do their jobs it makes it harder on the rest of their coworkers, especially when there’s only one other person working!”

Customer: “But—”

Regular Customer: “Now, I don’t work here, but I shop here often. In favor of giving everyone in line and this poor employee a break, I’m going to help you find what you need. But only so you leave us all alone!”

(I thank the regular and the two disappear into the back of the store. The customers in line make some comments. A moment later, the original customer storms to the front and out the door. I turn to the regular customer as she returns.)

Me: “What happened?”

Regular Customer: “You didn’t have the item she wanted. Her sale flyer was for the bookstore down the street.”

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Poorly Perceived

, , , , , , | Right | December 12, 2013

(I work at a restaurant in a very rich town, in which I also live. I am getting my hair done at a ‘posh’ salon when I see one of my regulars from the restaurant sitting in the first chair.)

Me: “Hello Mrs. [Customer]. Good to see you.”

Customer: “Oh, hel— Aren’t you my waitress from the place down the road?”

Me: “Yes, I am. How are you doing today?”

Customer: “I didn’t know people like you were allowed in a place like this.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(At this point my stylist comes over to bring me to her station.)

Customer: *to stylist* “Honey, did you know this girl is a waitress? Are you sure she has enough money to pay? You may want to check before you start serving her.”

Stylist: “Ma’am, [My Name] has been a client here for two years. She’s very reliable.”

Customer: “Oh, my. What a waste of money. Poor girls like you should not be wasting their money on things like this. Don’t you have a child to care for or something of the like?”

(At this point everyone in the salon is quite uncomfortable and is staring at the three of us.)

Me: “I’m so sorry, Mrs. [Customer]. I actually only work at the restaurant because I don’t like to spend my time being unproductive. You see, I am a college student at [Very Prestigious College]. I am currently studying to be a biomedical engineer, which I’ll have you know is the second top-grossing career currently. And since it seems to matter to you so much, I’m quite financially comfortable! And even if I were a poor waitress, as you so kindly suggested, people are free to do whatever they like with the money they work so hard for! Your husband comes in twice a week to get coffee and sit at our counter and complain about you! So really, Mrs. [Customer], I’m very, very sorry for you.”

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Retired & Extremely Dangerous, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | December 2, 2013

(My dad and I have just checked out at the supermarket. There are two elderly ladies pushing shopping carts in front of us. They are walking slowly towards the exit. Another customer is walking behind them with her son, who looks about 20. The son is obviously annoyed at the fact that he cannot get past the ladies walking so slowly. He speaks loud enough so that the whole shop can hear him.)

Son: “God, these old people! Always getting in the way. They are useless. They should be locked up so they can’t get in normal people’s way.”

(The son’s mum doesn’t say anything to him, but I can see that my dad is getting angry.)

Son: “They don’t deserve pensions. Let them work until they drop! They probably retired when they were 45 and are leeching off the government.”

(My dad taps the son on the shoulder.)

Dad: “You’re making a scene and upsetting those ladies. Calm it down, would you?”

Son: “They probably can’t even hear me. They’re all deaf anyway. Coffin dodgers! Why do you care if they even hear me?”

Dad: “First, I’m 67 and have worked since I was 16 years old up until my retirement two weeks ago. Second, my parents taught me to respect my elders; something your mother obviously didn’t bother to do, considering I’m giving you the verbal battering she should be. And it’s not those women who should be locked up; it’s misinformed, loud idiots like you.”

(By now the whole supermarket has stopped and is looking over at my dad.)

Dad: “As for leeching off the government: I get a pension, the same as those ladies and thousands of other elderly people do and it’s just over the minimum wage. Sometimes I have to decide between heating my house and eating food! You wait until you get older and retire and see how it feels then to be treated like a second class citizen by obnoxious, mouthy trash!”

(Throughout this whole thing the son has looked shocked. Finally his mother speaks up.)

Mum: “You’re right, totally right. It shouldn’t take a stranger to tell my son his behaviour is terrible.” *to her son* “I am completely ashamed of you. You know nothing about hardship considering you are claiming unemployment money and living rent free in my house. Now apologise to those ladies and to this gentleman.”

(The son says sorry, grudgingly, to all three.)

Mum: “And you see all this food and those DVDs that you wanted and I paid for just now? Well, you won’t get one piece of it.”

(The mum unloads all the food into the old ladies carts and gives the DVDs and a large piece of meat to my dad.)

Mum: “I hope this goes some way to making you feel valued and appreciated.”

(They walk out and the supermarket is silent for a moment. Then one of the old ladies starts to applaud and so does the rest of the customers and staff. The next time my dad went in to get his shopping they gave him £100 worth of coupons, and now all the staff know him.)

 

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